


We Are One

by Hissterically



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ahch-To, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Cliff Scene, Episode VII canon, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Implied Man on Woman Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Slower burn than expected, That's Not How The Force Works, i don't care, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2018-11-28 15:59:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 75,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11421327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hissterically/pseuds/Hissterically
Summary: Kylo Ren has cornered her on the cliff. His wretched mask nowhere to be seen. The lightning illuminates the sky giving Rey the perfect look at the scar that runs from his eyebrow down to his shoulder. The scar that she carved onto his face the last time they met. His saber, the one that filleted Finn’s back, the one that was thrust through Han Solo's chest, cackling and sputtering down at his side; his face, completely passive. Rey is instantly confused. Why did he chase her all the way up here just to put his saber down?





	1. Pulse

**Author's Note:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

Rocks crumble away from the edge of the cliff and fall into the raging waters below. Rey’s foot slips, knocking loose a few more. They plunge deep down with a resounding splash that rings in her ears, reminding her just exactly how close she is to falling in herself. It doesn’t help that the wind and rain are pounding against her body throwing off her balance. She holds her borrowed saber up, pointing it at the menacing figure in front of her.

Kylo Ren has cornered her on the cliff. His wretched mask nowhere to be seen. The lightning illuminates the sky giving Rey the perfect look at the scar that runs from his eyebrow down to his shoulder. The scar that she carved onto his face the last time they met. It looks a lot better since the last time she saw him. The scar didn't leave him quite as disfigured as she'd imagined. His saber, the one that filleted Finn’s back, the one that was thrust through Han Solo's chest, cackling and sputtering down at his side; his face, completely passive. Rey is instantly confused. Why did he chase her all the way up here just to put his saber down?

Kylo stalks back and forth in front of Rey like a lion ready for the kill, but still not attacking.

Her mind wanders to Luke briefly, wondering if he's alright. He told her to run the moment she felt Kylo's ship approach, but of course she didn't listen. She was going to stay and fight. The last she'd seen of Luke was when she left him by the huts. He told her that he'd take on the knights Ren brought with him, but that Kylo was hers to face. 

“Why are you here? How did you find me?” Rey yells suddenly over the sound of thunder.

A smirk begins to grow on his face, an almost playful glint in his eyes. “Oh come on Scavenger, I know you’re smarter than that. The latter should be an easy answer.”

Her brows scrunch up trying to decipher what he means, and after a moment, she knows. Panic starts to bloom in Rey’s chest. She had thought her shields were strong enough, that he couldn’t sense her, couldn’t get inside her mind anymore. She believed that she had severed the connection. Then again, there were the _dreams_. The dreams that somehow always seemed to feature him. A lonely, little boy with wavy dark hair and freckles splattered across his face like stars. A little boy who only wanted a friend at night, just like her. Sensing her thoughts Kylo begins to nod almost mockingly, a wolf-like grin plastered on his face, affirming her suspicion. Rey gasps, her eyes growing wide, “Those weren’t just dreams. You were really there.”

“So the scavenger is smart after all”, taunts Kylo. A large crack of lightning strikes, making Rey jump slightly. “You lead me here. All I had to do was show you that _weakling_ and you let me in with open arms.”

Rey feels tears pool in the corners of her eyes. She bites her lip to stop it from quivering. He used her. How dare he feed off of her vulnerabilities, her _compassion_. She mentally kicks herself. How stupid could she be? She should’ve known they weren’t just dreams. She’s never been that lucky. But that boy. He seemed so _real_ , not a dirty trick at all. He was so sweet and kind, and so _light_. Every time he visited her in her sleep she could feel the light shining inside of him. It was so bright, almost blinding at times, but it seemed to be held back by something, a barrier of some sort. It was almost as if the light was fighting to get out.

“Why are you here? What do you want?” Rey bites out through clenched teeth.

Kylo answers back only one word. “You.”

His response throws Rey aback. She didn’t expect him to be so blunt, then again she’s never known him to have tact. Furrowing her eyebrows she begins to wonder what exactly he wants with her. Thinking back to their last meeting she remembers his voice pleading. She remembers a proposal, blurted out impulsively in the chaos of the planet's destruction.

“I’ll never go with you. I’ll never turn to the dark side. I won’t be a _monster_ like you.” Rey hisses over a big roar of thunder.

Her statement seems to irk Kylo Ren because his lip lifts into a snarl and he slowly lifts his saber up from his side, pointing it straight at her chest. He turns it slowly, threatening her with its hissing blade. “We’ll see”, he sneers at her. Kylo begins to stalk closer to Rey, the lighting making him even more frightening.

Rey, forgetting how close she is to the edge of the cliff tries to take a step back. Her foot finds a loose rock, prompting her to lose her balance. She reaches out in a sorry attempt to stay on the cliff, or maybe a plea for help, but it doesn’t work. With a deafening scream Rey plunges down into the raging waters below, her saber deactivating and getting lost in the waves.

Kylo stands there stunned for a moment. He slowly lowers his lightsaber and shuts it off. She’s gone. The scavenger’s really gone. For a second he feels something akin to relief. He’ll never have to deal with her or her pestering light again. Never be tempted by it again. By _her_ again. Ignoring the small part of him that is telling himself to save her, he takes one last look at the cliff where she just disappeared from then slowly turns to walk away. The rain is still thrashing around him as he begins to walk back towards the stone steps back to his ship.

 ** _Be_ _n_.**  A whisper like cry in his head brings him to a sharp halt.

No.

How?

 ** _Ben… please_**. The voice pleads again. _Her_ voice. He turns back around to face the edge of the cliff. How in the Maker did she survive the fall? That shouldn’t be possible. Kylo debates whether to continue walking away. It’d be easier. Everything would be so much easier. But something stops him. He can’t seem to walk away again. His lungs start to tighten, as if he’s running out of air.

 ** _Ben._** One last plea rings through his head. Barely a whisper, but it’s enough. Taking one last glance at the steps that small part of him wins. Kylo rips off the heavy rain soaked cape that adorns his broad shoulders. Without thinking, he leaps off the cliff, diving down into the raging ocean below.

He breaches the surface and takes a big gulp of air before diving back into the water to search for the girl. He tries to sense her through the bond, but she’s fading quickly. Her light, that _beautiful light_ , is extinguishing and becoming harder to sense.

Panicking, Kylo focuses his mind on that dim light and dives further. He knows the time is running out when he suddenly see a dark shadow. There! He swims and kicks with all his might down until his hand brushes against her fingers. One last kick and he grabs onto her wrist and pulls.

Kylo pulls and swims with all his might to reach the surface of the water. He finally breaks through, air filling his lungs, but the waves make it difficult to stay above, especially with the girl in his arms. He begins to make his way to the beach, Rey limp against his side. He’s becoming exhausted with the exertion, but he finds a strength deep inside that forces him to continue. Maybe it’s his stubbornness. Maybe it’s that he can’t, _won’t_ , let the scavenger die. Whatever it is, it gives him the strength to drag the two of them to the beach.

He takes Rey in his arms and wades through the shallow water to the wet sand, past the waves crashing on the shore. Reaching flat land Kylo sinks to his knees, Rey still in his arms. He lays her gently on the ground in front of him.

She’s not breathing. He leans his head down to her heart. He hears nothing. No. This is not happening. He will not let her die. Kylo shakes his head to focus his thoughts, his wet hair smacking his face. Laying his hand on her chest he uses the Force to send pulses into Rey’s heart to restart it. Her torso rises off the sand with every pulse.

“Come on, Scavenger, breathe.” Another pulse. Nothing. “Breathe dammit.” He sends another pulse into her chest. Her body rises and settles back on the ground. Still nothing. Kylo begins to really panic, the Force feeding off his erratic emotions. His pulses are becoming more powerful.

“Rey, breathe. You have to breathe. _Please_.” One last pulse goes through his hand into her heart. Rey gasps suddenly and begins to cough up water. Kylo helps turn her on her side so she doesn’t choke. He feels a tight grab on his arm wrappings. Rey's hand is clawing at his arm like a lifeline. Once she has emptied her lungs of the seawater Kylo lays her back down and pulls her halfway on his knees. Rey loses consciousness, but her hand stays grasped on his sleeve like a vice. Her breath is now raspy from the trauma to her lungs, but she’s breathing. That’s an improvement.

Kylo lets himself relax for a moment, sighing in relief that Rey’s alright. He closes his eyes and drops his head to his chest, exhaustion really setting in now that the adrenaline is wearing off. He barely notices that the rain has stopped.

The relief doesn’t last long. A green saber suddenly ignites right under his chin, startling him. His eyes shoot open, staring at the glowing blade. An inch further and he’d be skewered through the neck. Kylo slowly lifts his head and the saber follows. He swallows thickly as he looks up into the eyes of his uncle. Skywalker is looking at him with a fierce glare.

“What did you do?” Skywalker demands, enunciating each word. The heat of the saber is beginning to irritate Kylo’s ice-cold skin.

Sneering up at the Jedi, Kylo snaps, “I saved her life.”

His statement seems to make Skywalker hesitate for a moment. Luke gives him a curious look that Kylo doesn’t understand. The green light saber is suddenly extinguished as Luke takes a step away. Kylo looks at him questioningly.

Just as Skywalker turns to walk away he mutters, “Follow me.” The “bring the girl” is implied in his tone. Kylo knows his uncle better than to disobey him when you're unarmed. Plus the girl in his arms needs to warm up and rest.

Through his exhaustion Kylo carefully picks up Rey in his arms and follows his uncle.


	2. The Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

Trust his uncle to be the one to build tiny cramped huts. Then again his uncle probably never expected to have company over, nonetheless himself. Kylo has to duck just to fit in the doorframe. Not the easiest task considering he has a girl passed out in his arms.

He steps into the thing that his uncle calls home, if one can call a mud hut a home. There’s minimal furniture: a table with two stools and a cot in the corner. Not much else is in the room. There’s a makeshift fireplace near the back of the hut that also acts as a kitchen.

Luke uses the Force to move the cot closer to the fire. Kylo gets the hint. He walks over and carefully places Rey down onto the cot. He has to extract his arm from her grip and places her hand on her stomach. He doesn’t understand why he does it, but he brushes the back of her hand with his fingers lightly before turning to his uncle who's sitting on one of the stools by the table.

“What about her…” Kylo trails off, awkwardly trying to not think about have to change Rey out of her wet clothes. He can feel the tips of his ear heating up. Thank the Maker that his hair is long enough to cover his blush.

Luke waves his hand towards the fire and the flame blooms suddenly then moves his hand in the direction of Rey. Within seconds she begins to look dryer. “The air from the fire will dry her clothes. I’d give you something to wear, but I doubt anything I have would fit you," Luke quips, almost playfully, like they were still on good terms. Like nothing bad had transpired between them.

Kylo quickly becomes annoyed. Pointing at Rey he inquires, “You can’t do that to me?”

“No.”

Luke’s simple answer causes Kylo’s eyes to narrow on his uncle; his patience wearing thin, like it always did when he was around his uncle. “And why not?” he spits out between clenched teeth.

“Because you didn’t almost die.”

His uncle’s statement hits him harder than he thought it would have. Kylo’s eyes drift back to Rey’s sleeping form. Skywalker is right. Rey almost died, and it’s his fault. Just another thing to add to the list. “Here,” he hears roughly, jolting him out of his trance of self-pity. He looks to his uncle who’s holding a pile of clothes.

“Rey said she found these on the Falcon. They’ll probably fit you.”

Kylo stares at the pile. He knows exactly who they belong, well belong _ed_ , to, and he doesn’t want to put them on. He pushes past Luke and picks up one of the stools. He brings it closer to the fire, closer to Rey, and sits down on it, hoping the warm air will dry his robes as well. Anything is better than putting _his_ clothes on. Luke goes to sit on the stool still by the small table.

Both of the men settle into an awkward silence. It’s definitely strange, being in the company of his uncle after all these years, especially after what happened. Kylo finds his eyes drifting towards the girl again. Her breathing seems to have returned to normal, no longer raspy. She’s certainly a strange one, the scavenger from Jakku. Probably too impulsive for her own good. He closes his eyes and searches for that light that within the past year has made a home in the back of his mind. It’s returned to normal. A strong, constant source of light that makes him both relieved and annoyed at the same time.

“What are you doing here, Ben?” His uncle’s voice breaks through the silence, pulling him away from the thread that connects his mind to Rey’s.

His anger slowly pooling inside of him, Kylo bites out each word, “Do not call me that.” 

“I will not call you by that asinine name. You are my nephew, Ben Solo, and I will address you as such.” Luke retorts fiercely.

Kylo feels his blood begin to boil. He now remembers how hard it is for him and his uncle to be in the same vicinity. They’re both too stubborn and hot headed; some would call it the Skywalker curse. Suddenly he feels this calming presence come over him, cooling his fuse before he explodes. His eyes shoot over to Rey who’s still asleep on the cot. He knows it’s her that’s sending the thoughts. She’s done it before, when he’s had a hard “training session” with Snoke, but this time she seems to be doing it unconsciously. Well she’s never exactly done it on _purpose_ , but this time she’s passed out.

Kylo allows the calm feeling to wash over him, soothing him just enough to tolerate being in the same room as Skywalker. He turns back to Luke, his temper now back at an acceptable level. Though it might not last long knowing him and his uncle.

"And don’t say you came here to kill me. We both know that’s a lie.” Skywalker certainly doesn’t beat around the bush. “So why are you _really_ here, Ben?”

That name irks him just as much as the first time except this time the constant peaceful sensation coming from Rey’s subconscious keeps him in check.

“Well it’s not a _complete_ lie. My knights’ task _was_ to kill you, but seeing as they’re all dead now it would appear that didn’t work.” Kylo replies with a dry tone to his voice. Luke just gives him an annoyed look that tells Kylo to quit the snark. Kylo rolls his eyes and sighs in surrender. It seems Uncle Luke isn’t in a playful mood today, wonder why that could be.

Kylo shifts his eyes over to Rey. “The Supreme Leader wants the girl.”

Luke doesn’t exactly look surprised by that statement. It was only a matter of time before she came under Snoke’s radar. He just wished she was more trained before it happened. Still staring down his nephew, he replies “Do you know why?”

“No.”

“Then what is your best guess? You must have _some_ idea of what he wants with her.” Luke shoots out rapid fire.

Kylo hasn’t looked away from the girl. His posture hasn’t changed, but his stare has become a mixture between dark and strangely protective. He debates whether to tell Skywalker the truth or not, but decides that there's no point in lying, his uncle would be able to tell anyway. “He said something about a reminder…”

“Reminder?” Luke quickly interrupts.

Kylo doesn’t know why, but he hesitates. “Of the power of the Dark Side… I think… I think he means to kill the girl, or even…” he trails off, not wanting to speak about killing her himself. He didn’t even say the words and it still leaves a bad taste in his mouth. He feels a brush against his mind, almost as if she’s reminding him that she’s still there. He closes his eyes, relishing in the calming presence of her in his mind.

“He’d have you kill her yourself; to rid yourself of your compassion.” Luke hits the nail right on the head, not that Kylo would let his uncle know that.

“I don’t have compassion for the girl," Kylo snaps, standing up off of the stool quickly. Why does everyone keep accusing him of having compassion for the scavenger? He’s letting his anger get the best of him. He really regrets leaving his saber on the cliff now. He needs to hit something before he explodes.

“Ben.” Kylo and Luke both turn to Rey thinking she’s awake, but it turns out she’s just mumbling in her sleep. Kylo feels his heartbeat speed up slightly. Why in the stars was she muttering that name? Looking at her more closely, Kylo notices that the scavenger looks distressed. Searching the surface of her subconscious he discovers that his emotions are bleeding into her through the thread between their minds. He instantly regrets losing his temper. Seeing that look on her face disturbs him, so he closes his eyes and take a big breath, trying to calm himself down. After a moment he opens his eyes to see her furrowed brows relaxing and a peaceful look return to her face. Kylo feels another brush against his mind; a thank you.

Clearing his thoughts he looks back to his uncle in hopes that Luke actually believed him when he said that he doesn’t have compassion for the girl. It doesn’t appear to work. Especially after what just happened.

Luke cocks an eyebrow at Kylo and gives him a knowing look. Maker he hates that look. It’s the same one Luke used to give him, when he knew that Kylo was lying. Granted when he was younger all one would have to do to tell if he was lying would be to look at his ears. They would burn bright red no matter how sincere he tried to seem. A pretty pathetic tell if you ask him. It may have been one of the reasons he grew out his hair in the first place.

“People don’t tend to save someone they don’t have compassion for.” Luke quips in a knowing voice. It’s almost as if he’s poking fun at Kylo. He notices that his uncle leaves out what he had just witnessed between his nephew and the girl. He shoots Luke a withering look, nonverbally telling him to tread lightly.

Luke takes the hint and drops the mild playfulness in his tone. “So Snoke wants Rey. Is that why you saved her? So you could bring her back to your master?”

“No. I saved her so that I could be the one to kill her later. I wasn’t going let a cliff take the glory away from me.” snarks Kylo, the irritation at his uncle blooming in this chest.

“Ben, be serious.” Luke snaps. “Why did you save the girl?”

Kylo hesitates. He’s not really sure why he saved the scavenger. It was as if something had possessed him to do it. That side of him that he locks away deep in his mind; so deep that even Snoke still has yet to locate it. But _she_ did. A mere scavenger happened to find where he keeps all his secrets before his own master. Where he keeps _him_. Ben Solo might be hidden deep within Kylo Ren’s mind, but that doesn’t stop him from resurfacing from time to time, to the annoyance of Kylo.

“Why _did_ you save me?” a voice pipes up in a raspy whisper.

Kylo had been so deep in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed the girl wake and retreat from his mind. He whips around in his seat to see Rey struggling to sit up on the cot. He freezes as they lock eyes; his brimming with fear, hers soft with a touch of curiosity. If she hadn’t been so close to death she’d probably be glaring at him right now. Even if he could think of something to say, his mouth wouldn’t work anyway. Kylo just sits there in silence, staring into Rey’s eyes. It might be her exhaustion, but the girl’s never looked at him this gently before and it’s throwing him off. It’s only ever been fear and anger, and he doesn’t know what do to.

As Rey’s strength grows so does her confusion towards Kylo. He’s just sitting there, staring at her, just like he did when she caught his grandfather’s saber. “Why did you save me?” she repeats, hoping to break him from his trance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylosroboarm on Tumblr


	3. Calm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

“Why did you save me?” Rey asks again sternly.

Kylo is finally shaken from his stupor by her tone. She's lost that soft look she had a moment ago. He'd give anything to have her look at him like that again, but he keeps that to himself. Straightening out, he puts on his normal facade of nonchalance. 

Luke chooses to stop talking. He sits there silently in his spot by the table; his lightsaber within reach. This isn’t his conversation to be a part of, but he decides he should stay just in case things get volatile. Knowing these two, they need a chaperone or someone might not leave this hut fully intact. Knowing Rey, it’d probably be Ben.

Kylo, not wanting her to know the true reason, decides to return back to his normal tactic; snark and bullshitting. “You _really_ want to know why I saved you, Scavenger? I did it because I don’t like owing debts.” 

Rey is instantly confused. “ _Debts_? What debt could you possibly owe me?”

“Back on Starkiller, you could’ve killed me, but you didn’t. Now the debt is paid.” Kylo replies with a stoic look on his face. Hopefully she won’t be able to tell he’s lying through his teeth.

“I didn’t kill you because I’m _not like you_. I’m not a _monster_ who takes pleasure out of hurting innocent people. It had nothing to do with wanting you to owe me.” Rey retorts with her teeth clenched. How can the man be so deluded? She feels herself become dizzy because of her growing temper and lack of energy. Rey closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, calming herself down. How is it possible that one man can bring out so much anger in her? Looking back at him her eyebrows furrow together. Through the bond she gets this strange feeling he’s not telling the truth.

“You’re lying.” Rey accuses softly.

Kylo raises an eyebrow. She’s smarter than he gives her credit for. “Fine. You win… I saved you because of this kriffing bond that you caused. Because of you, we don’t know what happens when one of us dies. Every Force Bond is different based on the strength. And I don’t really feeling like dropping down dead if you die. Or did you not know that was a possibility?” Kylo spits out with a slight sneer on his face. 

“Of course I know that that's a possibility! I’ve read enough on Force Bonds to know what could happen!” Rey is losing her patience very quickly with him. Why does he keep on insisting to lie to her face when she knows? “And _stop lying to me_. What happened to wanting to be honest with me, Ben?”

Rey freezes. She didn’t mean to call him that. It just slipped out of her mouth so naturally. She swallows thickly, worried about how he’ll react to it. She practically just signed her own death warrant. Closing her eyes she tries to prepare herself for any attack he may throw at her. Yet nothing happens. Her eyes pop open and look at him. She can tell his teeth are clenched tightly. He’s slightly shaking like he’s trying to hold back all his anger. Rey looks over to Luke, whose hand has inched closer to his saber.

Looking back at Kylo she tries to feel him out through the bond. She can feel the anger brimming on the surface of his mind. Almost as soon as he feels the breach in his defenses he snaps out of his trance.

Kylo stalks over to Rey who’s sitting up on the bed. He leans down and brings his face close to hers. Rey, trying to stay brave, doesn’t back away. Instead, she leans forward, closing the gap between their faces even more.

He looks her deep in the eyes. “You wanna know the truth? I saved you because you _called to me_. You got into my head and _begged me_ to save you. I just wanted you to shut up.” Ok, so it wasn’t the whole truth, but there’s no way he was gunna tell Rey that. She will just have to settle for this amended version.

Letting his frustration get to him, he pulls back from her and begins to pace across the small hut. Rey can feel his emotions stewing through the link they share. She proceeds with caution in fear he might explode and destroy something.

Kylo walks towards the door of the hut and stops, frighteningly silent. Rey can see the tension in his back and shoulders through his still damp clothes.

“I should’ve let you drown.” 

Rey’s eyes widen at his blunt confession. Though she can feel his anger growing and bleeding into her, she doesn’t rise to take the bait. One of them needs to stay calm. 

Kylo whips back around staring down Rey. He walks quickly back over to her and gets in her face. “Everything would be easier if I let you drown. _My life_ would be easier!”

He forcefully grabs her shoulders and shakes her slightly. Rey tries not to panic. She knows he’s strong enough to break her in half even when he’s not angry. She just puts on a brave face and takes it. She grew up on Jakku. She can survive a little rough handling from Kylo Ren.

“I’d never have to deal with you and your _infuriating light_ ever again! It’s making me _weak_. IT WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Rey goes still in his arms, realizing the actual source of his anger. He’s not angry at her, not really; he’s angry at himself. She knows his fears inside and out; how he fears that he'll fail his grandfather, that he'll succumb to the light. 

“It's not _my_ light that's making you weak, _it’s your own_! It’s not my problem that you’re tempted by it!” Rey retorts, a bold look on her face. 

Kylo suddenly gets this calm look on his face as he lets go of her arms. He backs away slowly. Rey can hear his breathing become heavier as his nostrils begin to flare. His shoulders seem to become tenser, if that’s even possible. 

Oh no. She’s poked the sleeping rancor. Quickly trying to counteract his impending explosion, Rey reaches out through the bond and tries to send him calming thoughts. It doesn’t work. Her intrusion is swatted away like a fly.

Her attempt at breaching his mind puts Kylo over the edge. With an angry yell Kylo uses the Force to lift one of Luke’s clay pots and throws it forcefully at the wall by the fire place. It _just_ misses Rey’s head. With a cry she ducks and scrambles off the bed. She runs over to Luke, the table putting distance between them and the pissed off warlord. Kylo seems to be possessed by his anger; his eyes, completely blinded with rage. He picks up another pot and launches it across the table at Rey.

Luke, deciding it’s time to intervene, stands up and freezes the pot in mid-air. “Ben, that’s enough.” Luke demands sternly to his raging nephew.

Kylo’s head twists towards his uncle so quickly Rey is sure she heard it crack. He points his other hand at Luke, ready to use the Force. “I told you, old man, _do not call me that_.” Before Kylo can deliver an attack he finds himself thrown back into the wall. He’s surprised for a second then begins seething. His uncle is ballsy for doing that, but when he looks at his uncle, it’s not him that force threw him across the room. Turning to Rey, he finds her with her hand outstretched, fury on her face. He tries to move away from the wall, but finds that he is unable to. The girl has him pinned.

All of a sudden the girl closes her eyes and the rage on her face disappears. Moments later he feels a brush against the bond. Still breathing hard he drops his defenses with little hesitation and lets her in. Maker, he hopes he doesn’t regret this.

Rey opens her eyes once she senses his shields have dropped. She presses further into his mind, further across the thread that links them.

She’s giving him that look again; that soft look. Not a second later he feels his subconscious filled with calming thoughts. He's onslaught with visions of the countryside and a lake. He's seen this place before in his dreams, but how does she know about it? He then hears a voice in his head. **_Ben, that's enough... Please_**. It's her. He finds that he suddenly doesn't care that she called him Ben. He actually welcomes it, as long as she doesn't retreat from his mind. Slowly he notices his breathing returning to normal. Kylo becomes limp, slumping against the wall, no longer tense. It's like his anger just evaporated. 

Luke glances between the two, curious about what is happening between them. How can two people go from being at each other's throats to calming the other down in mere seconds? They're definitely a pair, his nephew and the girl.

Rey withdraws from Kylo's mind, content that he is now back to a fairly sedated level. She can still feel his frustration, but it's no where as bad as it was before she entered his mind. Her eyes wander over to the broken pot by the fire place; the pot that was chucked at her head in his rage. She feels Kylo's eyes follow hers and senses the guilt that is rolling off of him. _Good_. It's what he deserves. He could've killed her. He _should_ feel guilty. She walks over to the cot and sits down on it, still looking at the pot. 

It mends before her eyes. Her eyes shoot up to Luke, who's waving his hand. The pot floats over to him and he places it back onto the table. He turns to look at his nephew with tired eyes. "You can sleep in the other hut for tonight. Then we'll decide what to do with you in the morning. Follow me." Without another word Luke walks out of the hut, assuming his nephew will follow after him.

Kylo glances at his uncle's retreating back then puts his head down as if he's embarrassed by actions. He nods his head once and begins to walk towards the entrance to the hut. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Rey begin to lay down on her cot, her back to him. Right when he puts his hand on the door knob a voice pipes up, "I still hate you." She says it in a whisper, but with such conviction that he knows she's not lying, not in the slightest.

He closes his eyes tight and without turning to her replies aloud, "I know." He hesitates, then sends across the bond, **_I'm not my favorite person either_.**

Rey gasps quietly as his words fill her head. She hears him close the door behind him. Not being able to stop herself, Rey turns on her cot and faces the door. The one _he_ just left through. He's a complete mystery. She's been in his mind, knows his fears and aspirations, and yet he still manages to constantly surprise her. Rey settles down and closes her eyes. The last thing she remembers is picturing Kylo's scarred face, before he morphs into the kind little boy with from her dreams. His hair as black as night and freckles strewn across his face like the constellations. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylosroboarm on Tumblr


	4. Teach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

Walking into Luke’s hut Rey finds Kylo alone, Luke nowhere to be found. He’s lying down on a cot with his feet hanging off the edge about a good 7 inches. It amuses her slightly that he’s too tall for it. Must've been pretty uncomfortable during the night. He’s zoned out, using the Force to spin some small pebbles above his head with a bored expression. Rey suddenly begins to smirk. Maybe if she startles him he’ll drop the stones on his face. The moment she opens her mouth to say something he breaks the silence.

“I know you’re there, Scavenger.”

It turns out that Rey is the one who gets startled instead. She jumps at the sound of his voice. “But I didn’t make any noise,” she cries, trying to defend her stealthy entrance.

He doesn’t look over towards her, still focused on the pebbles. “I don’t need to _hear_ you to know you’re there.”

Oh yeah. That damned bond. Rey doesn’t know how it’s possible with him constantly reminding her, but she always manages to forget about it. Rolling her eyes at him, and herself, she gets to the point of why she came into the hut in the first place. “Where’s Luke?”

Without even missing a beat Kylo replies in a completely cool tone, “I killed him.”

Rey can just feel herself losing her patience. Why does he feel the need to push her buttons all the time? Pursing her lips she puts her hands on her hips and stares him down. “That’s not funny.”

He finally angles his head to look at her and lowers his hand. The stones lightly fall onto the bed. A vaguely playful look grows on his face. “Well you’re no fun,” he replies with a small smirk on his face.

Rey clenches her teeth and narrows her eyes, her temper wearing thin. “Where’s Luke?” she bites out, done with his games.

Rolling his eyes, Kylo finally answers her question. “He’s where he always is. Off somewhere meditating.” Sensing Rey’s apprehension he adds, “He was completely fine with leaving me here alone. Besides, how much trouble can I get into without my saber?”

Rey just blinks. Was he trying to make a joke? It sounds so odd coming from his mouth. And it doesn't matter if he doens't have his saber, he's still a Force sensitive, and a powerful one at that. Luke might’ve been fine with leaving him by himself, but she isn’t. She makes her way to the small table that’s practically identical to the one in her hut, and sits down on one of the stools. Not taking her eyes off of Kylo she picks up the pitcher of water and pours some into a wooden cup and takes a sip. As long as she keeps an eye on him he can’t get into any trouble, or if he tried she’d be ready to stop him.

Kylo goes back to playing with the little pebbles. Rey won’t admit it to him, but it’s a little mesmerizing watching how effortlessly he can control the Force. It’s almost as if it just bends to his will. She wonders if it’s always been this easy for him, even back when he was the little freckle faced boy. The boy that always visits her in her dreams to keep her company.

Almost as if he knows what she’s thinking his voice pipes up in her head ** _Peaceful sleep?_   **She shakes herself out of her daze and glares at him. “Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” he replies aloud in that nonchalant tone of his.

“You know what.” Rey snaps back.

As if just to bug her he replies in her head. **_Oh, you mean this?_**

She’s beginning to lose her patience with him for the second time within the span of ten minutes. “Yes. _That_.”

**_Why?_ **

Rey tries to calm herself down by taking a big breath. “Because I don’t like it. _Now get out of my head_.”

Dropping the pebbles onto the ground Kylo sits up on the cot and places his feet firmly on the floor, eyes locked into Rey’s. He replies in a condescending tone, almost as if he’s talking to a child. “I can’t do that. Whether you like it or not, we’re _bound_ … I will always be in your head, just as you’ll always be in mine. No thanks to you.”

Rey shoots up from her seat, offended by his accusation. “It’s not _my_ fault. You were the one in my head.”

Kylo gets up from the cot without breaking eye contact. Rey can already see him shoulders getting tenser by the second. “And _you_ were the one to push into mine not knowing what you were doing, _completely untrained_.”

Rey’s eyes widen. How dare he blame this all on her? Taking a step towards him she snaps out, “Well I wouldn’t have had to push back if you weren’t in my mind in the first place.”

A sneer working its way onto his face, Kylo takes a large step towards Rey forcing her to have to look up at him. “If you would’ve just told me about the kriffing map when I told you to I wouldn’t have had to enter your mind,” he bites out, glaring down at her.

Losing her patience for him she takes the final step and pokes him in the chest. “Well if you -- ” she begins but is interrupted by a stern voice.

“Children -- ”.

“WHAT?” Kylo and Rey both bark as they whip around to the voice by the door.

Luke is standing there with disapproving look on his face. “That’s enough.” He’s using his no nonsense tone of voice, the one he uses when he tries to get Rey to concentrate. The one Ben used to hear all the time as a boy. Looking back at Kylo she realizes just how close they are, and that she’s touching him. Quickly she pulls her finger away and steps back almost as if he burnt her. Rey shakes her head to regain her wits and makes a move towards Luke. In the back of her mind she can feel Kylo’s tension at the fact that his uncle is in the room. Before she can utter a word to Luke he holds his hand up, silencing her.

“Come with me… Both of you.” Again, he uses the tone that Rey (and Ben) know you shouldn’t disobey.

But of course, Kylo just has to be confrontational. “I don’t have to listen to you. I’m not your padawan anymore, Skywalker.” Kylo is barely facing the two of them, taking more interest to looking out the window.

Rey turns to him ready to put him in his place when Luke beats her to it. “But you will… You will because I’m the only way you’re getting off this island.”

His uncle has a point. He can’t exactly take his fighter seeing as it was damaged in the landing on this stars forsaken rock. “I could always just kill you all and take the Falcon.” His threats don’t seem to have the weight that he means them to have, like his heart isn’t completely in it.

“We both know you won’t do that.” Luke replies, his eyes shifting to Rey for a second. Now that Skywalker knows about his compassion for the girl he’ll never let him live it down. His uncle knows he’ll never be able to kill her, even if he wanted to. Kylo rolls his eyes and sighs in defeat. If he wants to leave this damn place, he’ll have to play whatever game Skywalker wants him to.

“Now follow me.” Without another word Luke exits the hut and walks away. Rey stands there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. She gives one more glance at Kylo then sets off after Luke. Kylo watches her leave, debating whether to actually follow them or not. He has no idea what his uncle could possibly have in store for him. Swallowing his pride, he walks out of the hut and saunters after Rey, keeping a good distance between the two of them.

 

* * *

 

 

Reaching the beach Luke unexpectedly tosses a long stick to each Kylo and Rey. It startles Rey slightly and she fumbles to catch it, whereas it just lands in Kylo’s hand without him even really looking at it. All he did was stick his arm out and it sailed perfectly into his grip. Rey stands there stunned, slightly jealous at how flawlessly he does certain things.

**_Sense everything around you. It helps._ **

His voice pipes up in her head. She can sense his amusement at her fumbling. **_Shut up…_** **_And get out of my head._** He doesn’t reply, but she can feel him retreat from the bond.

Luke breaks the silence, getting to the point of why he brought them down to the beach in the first place. “Since you’re stuck here, you might as well be put to good use.” He looks directly at Kylo and continues his speech. “Rey needs to learn the Force… and you’re going to help me.”

Kylo instantly looks offended. “So I’ve been demoted to a training droid?”

“Not necessarily,” Luke replies, but then a cheeky grin forms on his face “… but yes.” His uncle is enjoying this a little too much for his liking.

Rey turns to him with a glint in her eyes. “But Kylo, I thought you wanted to _teach me_.” She blinks at him innocently, bringing up his proposal from Starkiller.

Her mocking comment split Kylo in two. On one hand he was annoyed that she’d brought up the question he asked in his state of desperation, nonetheless in front of his uncle, but on the other, it saddened him slightly that she had called him Kylo. Though he kept a cool exterior in front of Luke he couldn’t resist asking her. **_What happened to Ben?_**

His question seems to have caught her off-guard. Rey’s playful look falls right off her face and she quickly shifts her gaze from him to the ground. Through the bond he can feel her confusion. Her confusion at why he brought it up. Why _did_ he bring it up? It’s not like he wants her to know he doesn’t mind when she calls him that.

Rey blinks, trying to come up with a reason why she didn’t call him Ben. That had been her goal all along right? To get him to accept the fact that he is Ben Solo, the man he’s so desperately trying to distance himself from. Not being able to come up with a reason, she decides to go for the jugular. ** _Like you said, Ben Solo is dead._** As soon as she felt a wave of grief flow across the bond she regrets thinking it. She knows he doesn’t mean for her to be aware of his pain, but she also knows that his emotions are powerful enough that even Luke must be picking up on them.

Glancing over to him she sees that he’s trying to keep his inner turmoil from showing on his face, but it’s not working very well. At least not to Rey. His face might appear to be stoic, but his eyes, his eyes tell everything. She doesn’t need to share a bond with him to know that he’s falling apart.

When she turns back to Luke he’s just looking between the two of them, a knowing expression on his face. Embarrassed she casts her eyes back at the ground. Why does Luke keep witnessing these intimate moments between her and Ben? Why did she just call them intimate? That’s the last word she wants to think of when thinking of _Kylo Ren_. But she can’t deny the fact that it is intimate. They’re a part of each other now, whether she’s willing to accept it or not.

Suddenly she feels a pull through the bond almost as if he’s tapping on her walls. Shaking out of her thoughts, she looks at Ben. He tips his head towards Luke with a bored expression on. _Kriff_. Was Luke talking while she was zoned out? The disappointed look on his face suggests that he was. She can practically feel Ben’s smirk. Rolling her eyes she returns her focus to Luke.

“As I was saying,” he looks pointedly at Rey, “you two are to train together… _without using the bond_.”

Rey’s brows furrow instantly. “Wait, what do you mean ‘without the bond’?”

“He means that instead of using the bond to figure out each other’s next move, use the Force. Sense the attack before it happens.” Kylo explains as if she’s a child.

Luke picks up where Kylo left off, though with a nicer tone. “Beings with Force Bonds often use them during combat. It allows them to fight as a uniform team. They are able to mentally communicate, as you two know, and sense each other’s intentions in a fight. Seeing as you two are not going to be training as a team, you’re going to have to resist using the bond. As Ben said, _use the Force_. It will strengthen your combat intuition.”

Rey nods her head trying to soak all the information in. See the attack before it happens. That’s probably way easier said than done, especially when you’re fighting the master of the Knights of Ren.

“Oh and Ben,” Luke adds, “in addition to lightsaber training, I want you to teach Rey the Dark Side.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylosroboarm on Tumblr


	5. Practice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably
> 
> *The Force probably doesn't work this way, but I don't care

_“Oh and Ben,” Luke adds, “in addition to lightsaber training, I want you to teach Rey the Dark Side.”_

 

* * *

 

Rey’s eyes widen is shock. “No. Absolutely not. I won’t do it. _I won’t_.” Rey is adamant. She will not learn the Dark Side. Pointing to Kylo, “I won’t end up like him, his “Supreme Leader”, or his idolized grandfather.”

She can feel Kylo’s eyes narrow at her for the comment, but she pays no attention to him, she’s too pissed that Luke would ever request something so ridiculous.

Luke suddenly gets a grave expression on his face. One where both Ben and Rey know he’s serious. This might be the most serious she’s ever seen him. “In order to fight the Dark Side you need to know how it works, to _understand_ it.” He can still feel Rey’s apprehension. “I have worked my whole life, ever since I was your age, to rid this world of the dark. To rid myself and my family of the dark.”

At these words Kylo looks at his boots with a look of shame, his eyes closed painfully.

“And I _failed_. You know why?” Rey shakes her head slowly. “I failed because you can’t destroy the Dark Side. It will _always_ be there.” Luke can sense that Rey’s about to interrupt so he throws a hand up to silence her. “In all my years here I have learned one thing… we _need_ the darkness. Without the Dark Side we wouldn’t have the Light. The dark is the key to balance.”

Even Kylo is thinking his uncle is getting a little too intense at the moment. “Oh calm down, Skywalker. You’re gunna scare the girl away from the Force forever.”

“You don’t understand, Ben. Neither of you do. I’ve been wrong for so many years. It’s no secret that the Dark Side is often stronger with the Force, and why is that, Ben?”

Kylo rolls his eyes, not wanting to get into Luke’s crazy philosophical rant. “Because it feeds off your emotions.”

“Exactly. The Jedi were taught to repress their emotions, but why? Why is using your emotions to enhance your connection with the Force so bad?”

“Because it makes you too powerful, and the Dark Side craves power. People do crazy things for power.” Rey finally decides to pipe up after being quiet for so long. Glancing over at Ben, she can’t help but think of Han. What Ben did to his father wasn’t just crazy, it was unthinkable.

Luke breaks her from her thoughts. “That’s precisely it though. The act of using your emotions isn’t evil. The Force isn’t inherently good or bad; it’s neutral. The deciding factor is who’s using it and what they’re using it for. So who’s to say you can’t use your emotions for good?”

As if to prove a point he zeros in on Rey. “Ben saved your life when you fell off the cliff. Did you ever think to ask him how?”

Rey’s eyebrows furrow. Come to think of it, she hadn’t. Turning to Ben she can tell that he’s reluctant to face her. “I figured he just dragged me out of the water.” Now that she’s actually thinking about it she gets the feeling that’s not all that happened. Their silence confirms her suspicion. “How _did_ you save my life? Ben?”

At the sound of his real name he finally turns to look at Rey, a look of shame on his face. No, not shame; he’s nervous. Rey gets the feeling that he never thought she’d find out, but his uncle just _has_ to share all his secrets with the girl. He’s just staring at her anxiously. “Ben,” she says in a gentle tone.

He breaks out of his trance. He turns away, not being able to look at her as he tells her. “I _did_ pull you out of the water and onto the shore, but that’s not all…” He hesitates for a brief moment. “Your heart stopped. I didn’t know what else to do. I had to restart your heart.” The truth comes out in a rushed way, like a spout that’s been turned on high.

It only seems to confuse Rey even more. “What are you getting at?”

“Ben restarted your heart using Force lightning. Granted it was controlled, but lightning nonetheless.” Kylo doesn’t seem to be able to answer so Luke decides to for him.

“But Force lightning is--”

“—Yes,” Luke says, cutting her off. “Force lightning is a Dark Side speciality. But was it truly dark if he was using it to heal you; especially since healing is usually a Light Side ability?”

The information hits Rey harder than when she found out about her Force powers. She’s completely baffled that Kylo would ever do such a thing. He really brought her back to life? Internally she coughs out a laugh in disbelief. The mere idea just sounds insane. _Kylo Ren_ , master of the Knights of Ren, saved _her_ , a lowly scavenger from Jakku. 

As crazy as it sounds she knows that Luke isn’t lying. She can feel it in her bones. Tentatively she opens her side of the bond and reaches out to Ben. She brushes against his walls lightly: a thank you.

Before he can look back up to her, she turns to look at Luke. Sighing, she surrenders. “Alright, I’ll do it… I’ll learn the Dark Side.” 

 

* * *

 

Later that day Rey finds herself across from Ben, the long wooden stick in place of a training saber firmly in her grasp. Luke is standing back watching them with a critical eye. Well, more watching _her_ with a critical eye. Ben has perfect form from all his years of lightsaber training whereas she’s lacking in certain areas of technique.

Ben is staring her down with a serious expression. Apparently he doesn’t play around when he trains. He’s completely focused on the task at hand. She gets the feeling that this day will end with many bruises… and not on him.

Twirling the stick around like he would normally with his saber, Kylo shakes himself out, loosening his limbs before getting in a defensive stance. The last time he fought Rey, really fought her, he was bleeding out from a blaster bolt to the side. He told himself that’s why he lost, though he knows that’s a lie. If he were really trying to kill the scavenger she’d be dead. For some reason he held back that night on Starkiller. Oh, who’s he kidding, he knows why.

“Now remember, no using the bond, and Rey, use your intuition. I’m not going to offer you advice. I’m just going to be overseeing to make sure you’re both alive at the end.” Luke sits down on a boulder next to Artoo. He’s happy to have his friend back at his side after so many years apart. “Oh and Rey… kick his ass again.”

Luke’s request makes her smile a bit, whereas Kylo just rolls his eyes at his uncle. With one more stretch a smirk works it’s way onto his face. Before Rey has a chance to prepare Kylo charges straight at her, his stick above his head ready to strike.

Rey barely pulls hers up in time before his comes crashing down, knocking her off balance. She ducks and runs under his arm to get away from him. “That’s not fair,” she cries at him, “I wasn’t ready." 

“You’re enemies aren’t going to wait until you’re ready, Scavenger. Better get used to it.”

He prepares to strike again, but this time Rey’s a step ahead of him and blocks his attack. She pushes him away and tries to take a swing of her own at him, but he spins out of the way before she has the chance. Rey stumbles slightly with her forward momentum. Shaking herself off she turns and faces Kylo again.

He’s looking at her with a cocky smirk, knowing that his maneuver frazzled her.

They go back and forth for a while, each attacking and the other blocking. It’s not very productive in teaching so Kylo decides to shake it up a bit.

Rey gets ready to charge at him, her weapon, well _stick_ , raised. Before she can move she feels him worm him way into her mind, plucking what he needs from her subconscious. Brushing him off she charges at him. Kylo brings up his stick to match hers. In one quick swoop he blocks her then uses his momentum to throw her stick out of her hands. To put an added flair onto the move, he spins around her and knocks his weapon against her calves sweeping her off her feet.

Rey lands hard on her back before she can even begin to process what just happened. She coughs violently; the wind was knocked out of her when her back hit the rocky ground. She looks up at Kylo, then he thrusts his stick near her throat, just inches from her skin.

“You cheated.” He may have landed the first shot, but Rey wasn’t going to pat him on the back for it. “You used the bond after Luke said not to.” 

Bending down on one knee, he gets close to her face; his stick still near her neck. “Rule number one: the Dark Side _always_ cheats.”

As he stands back up he pulls his weapon away from her throat and extends a hand to her. Rey pushes it away as she rises to her feet. “I don’t need your help.” He just gives her a look and moves to stand a few feet away, getting back into a defensive stance. Rey glances at Luke who’s still just watching the both of them. He doesn’t seem particularly worried about his nephew landing her on her ass. It’s almost like he trusts Ben with her.

“Again,” Luke tells them, gesturing for them to continue with their practice. 

This time Rey decides to begin the attack, running at Kylo, trying to catch him off guard. It clearly didn’t work as he blocks her attack and pushes her away like she's nothing. Turning back to him she charges again. Their sticks lock together for a second before Kylo breaks it off, throwing his weight upwards. Rey ducks under his arm and turns around quickly, swiping at him with her weapon. It connects with his side, causing him to gasp slightly.

Ok, maybe she shouldn’t have done that. She can instantly feel his anger spike, even with her side of the bond closed. He turns to her, his eyes turning to slits. His lip even lifts somewhat into a snarl.

Bracing herself, Rey gets ready to unleash another attack. Running at full speed, she brings her stick up ready to slash it down at him. Kylo twirls around her and she runs straight past him. She comes to a quick halt and before she has the chance to turn around she feels a gust hit her back, throwing her face first into the ground. Quickly her hands come out to brace her fall, the stick falling out of her hands and landing beside her.

She can just feel her temper rising at the fact that he’s batting her around like a doll. Getting up on her hands and knees she turns her head back to glare at him.

“You’re not supposed to attack someone when their back is turned. It’s bad form.”

Kylo scoffs at her from where he is, not even attempting to get closer. His hand is still raised from using the Force to push her. “Rule number two: there’s no such thing as etiquette in combat.”

With a huff Rey gets back onto her feet, grabs her weapon, and turns to face him. Trying to calm her anger, she brings the practice saber back up near her face.

Kylo is just standing across from her twirling his stick back and forth as he would with his saber. He has a faint cocky look on his face. He decides to reach across the bond to provoke her. **_Come on, Scavenger. Just do it._**

At the sound of his voice Rey hurls herself towards him hoping that she’ll get another hit in. Sadly he brings up his weapon and blocks her yet again. She throws him off and darts around him, but he follows her every move with such precision, like he's one step ahead of her.

He’s the one to attack this time with 3 good swings in succession; all of which she magically blocks before he can smack her face. He deals one more huge blow that knocks her away. Without a second thought she rights herself and attacks back, but he just steps out of the way, giving his practice saber a smug twirl.

The moment she turns to face him she feels an onslaught of memories rush into her mind that forces her to freeze. She squeezes her eyes tightly in a pathetic attempt to make the memories stop. Memories that she’s tried to forget over the years. Getting left on Jakku, screaming at her family to come back. Practically being owned by Unkar. Being alone day after day for 15 years.

A certain memory is ripped from the recesses of her mind and brought to her attention. She doesn’t remember much from that day, but remembers the man. She didn’t have enough credits for food so he propositioned her. She recalls saying no and pushing him away, and then she remembers waking up with bruises on her face and body and the old women pressing a cloth against her cheek. The women said that the man just got angry and roughed her up a bit, and Rey wants to believe her, she really does.

Just as fast as the memories came, they went, but to Rey it felt like an eternity, being stuck in the worst moments of her life on Jakku. Her fingers tense up and she feels dirt under her palms. She realizes that she’s on her hands and knees on the ground. Rey’s instantly disoriented and confused. When did she fall? She also feels faint streaks of tears running down her cheeks. 

Rey can feel Ben’s presence in front of her. Slowly she looks up at him through weary eyes and sniffles. “Let me guess. Rule number three: psychological warfare.” she says, almost ashamed she let him get through her walls. 

Surprisingly he doesn’t look proud of himself. It’s almost a look of sympathy, sorry that he forced her to remember everything. Or maybe it’s just a look of pity, she thinks bitterly.

Without a word Kylo places a hand out in front of Rey. She stares at it for a second, hesitant whether to trust him or not. She blinks at him once before taking it, and he helps her up to her feet.

Rey is thrown by how gentle he is with her. It’s a big change from him hurling her across the dirt. It’s almost like he became a different man for a second. 

 _No_. Not a different man… Ben. He became _Ben_.

Suddenly she feels a tap across the bond. **_Are you ok?_** He sounds vaguely concerned.

She shakes her head and replies aloud, “I’m fine.”

Moving her limbs around she rids herself of the tension in her body. Shakes away all the negative thoughts. Rey brings her practice saber back up and gets into a defensive stance.

Luke and Kylo look at each other. She can feel their apprehension from across the way. “Maybe that’s enough for today,” Luke suggests, finally deciding to interfere.

“Again,” she states fiercely.

“Rey…” Ben tries.

“ _Again_.” Rey points her weapon at him as if to provoke him. “We’re not done yet." She closes her eyes for a second. "I can do this,” she whispers, almost as if she's giving herself a pep talk. 

"As you wish." With another look to Luke, Kylo readies himself, giving his weapon a twirl to loosen his wrists. As worried as he is for Rey’s mental health after his attack, he’s also secretly proud that she’s stubborn and not willing to give up. Well, in _this_ case. Other times he hates her stubbornness.

Rey doesn’t waste any time. She charges straight at Kylo, stick poised high above her head. Kylo just steps to the side and she runs past him. Turning around he smacks her ass with his weapon. It startles her and makes her trip.

“Control your thoughts. Don’t make your next move apparent.”

Rubbing the soon-to-be bruise on her ass, Rey nods. Hide my thoughts, she thinks. 

Kylo decides to take advantage of her brief lapse of attention. Running at her he tries to swing at her right side. She blocks it just in time, but leaves her left flank unguarded; so Kylo quickly swings his weapon to her other side. He taps her none too gently on her left side, knocking her over. 

She clutches at her side and gasps. Another bruise to add to the list. She looks over to Luke who doesn’t look concerned that his nephew if beating the kriff out of her.

She turns to glare at Kylo. Her temper is rising and this time she’s not sure she can suppress it.

“Good. Get angry.” Kylo tries to aggravate her, hoping to get her angrier than she already is. “ _Use it_.”

Use it. Use her emotions. She can do that. Closing her eyes she takes a moment to center herself, to let herself give into the darkness slightly. Rey feels the power swell up inside her, waiting to burst out. When she opens her eyes she finds that she can feel the Force more clearly than she did before. Before, she had to pull it to her... now it surrounds her, waiting to bend to her will.

Kylo's almost amazed at how much she visibly changes when she taps into the Force. The same thing happened on the cliff on Starkiller while they were fighting. It's like she's the embodiment of the Force. All he sees is raw power and it's mesmerizing. 

Rey runs straight at him and thrusts at his left side, which he blocks, but then swipes at his right side and connects with his flank. Kylo can feel his ribs instantly bruise. He tries to swing his weapon at her neck, but she brings her hand up and grabs onto his wrist. With her other hand she brings her stick and tries to swing at his side again, but he too grabs onto her wrist, keeping her from hitting him.

They're locked in a very familiar stance. Both of them, practice sabers in the air, hands holding onto each others wrists to prevent from being hit. The last time they were like this they were fighting in the snow. 

Rey closes her eyes while Kylo just stares at her. After a moment she opens her eyes, a look of determination on her face. With a burst of energy Rey throws Kylo off of her. While he's distracted from the sudden change in his stance Rey brings her weapon and swings it straight into his stomach. He doubles foward with a gasp. And to finish the fight she brings her hand up and summons a burst in the Force. She watches as Kylo is thrown twenty feet backwards, his stick flying out of his hands, and lands on his back on the ground with a grunt.

She stands there, stunned, for a moment. Rey glances at her hand in shock before looking back at Kylo, still on the ground, not moving. With a surge of panic she lets go of her weapon and runs over to him, dropping to her knees beside his head. Leaning over him she checks to see if he's alright. He's breathing and when she reaches out with the Force she doesn't sense any broken bones. She slaps his face lightly and he jerks awake.

Biting her lip she asks, "Are you alright?"

He doesn't respond. All he does is give her a proud look and begins to slowly sit up. Rey's confused at his reaction, but moves to stand. She reaches a hand down to him. Remembering when he helped her earlier, he accepts her hand and she pulls him to his feet. It's not very easy and a bit clumsy looking since he's a foot taller, but Kylo appreciates the help. And he secretly likes the feeling of her hand in his. 

Luke walks over to them, Artoo rolling along behind him. "Good job." He gives Rey one of his rare smiles and something that could pass for a wink. Artoo gives a chirp of excitement at Rey's triumph. She laughs, a grin splitting her face in two while Kylo ducks his head to hide a small smile.

"That was a good start. You have a long way to go, but you catch on quickly."

Luke's proud of the young girl, she embraced using the Dark as well as the Light. He thinks that she may be the most balanced out of the three of them.

"Now who's hungry? Surely you two worked up an appetite." Without another word, Luke walks off to go back up to his hut, Artoo following dutifully behind his master and friend. 

Rey and Kylo turn to look at each other, the smile still on Rey's face. The second she turns to him she drops it, becoming serious. "Thank you... for you know... the help." She couldn't be anymore awkward if she tried. 

Kylo caught off-guard coughs out, "You're... you're welcome."

"Well I'm starving." Rey turns to start walking up the mountain.

"You know my uncle's an atrocious cook right?" Kylo yells after her.

Without even looking back at him Rey calls back, "I know. _Someone_ has to help him. How he survived so long without anyone feeding him, I'll never know."

Holding back a laugh that is threatening to erupt from his chest, Kylo allows a small smile to surface on his face. The scavenger knows how to push his buttons, but dammit, this girl makes him smile. It hits him that he hasn't smiled in forever. It feels so foreign on his face. Watching Rey get smaller and smaller, he decides to follow them back up to Luke's hut.  

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylosroboarm on Tumblr
> 
> *Author note: I want to clarify, Rey wasn't raped, she was just beat up by the man  
> *Those are completely made up rules of the Dark Side, haha. None of that is canon
> 
> *Can anyone guess the two references I made? That's right, TWO. I'll give you a shoutout in the Chp 6 notes if you guess correctly!


	6. The Academy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

Walking into Luke’s hut, Rey is greeted with a familiar scene. Kylo is lying on his cot looking up at the makeshift ceiling. She can sense his boredom from across the room. He’s having a hard time being stuck on Ahch-To for this long, especially with his uncle. His discomfort at his surroundings brings her a slight amount of joy. 

She remembers that it’s no use to try and scare him, so she just walks over to the table and sits down on one of the stools carefully. He actually managed to bruise her ass during their training. Through the corner of her eye she can see that he hasn’t made the slightest move to signal that he has acknowledged her presence. 

After a few moments of neither of them moving, Rey finally decides to break the awkward silence. “Where’s Luke?” She tries to sound casual, but it comes out with a worried tone. 

“Again, he’s where he always is.” Kylo doesn’t even move during his reply. He just continues to lie there.

“Meditating.” Rey nods her head, finishing his thought for him. There hasn’t been a day gone by that Luke hasn’t disappeared to go meditate on the island. “Has he always done that?” she can’t help but ask.

Kylo finally turns to acknowledge her, a pensive look on his face. He sits up from the cot, placing his feet on the floor. 

“For as long as I can remember.” He always remembers Skywalker leaving him to go meditate during his time as his uncle’s padawan. “I never got the hang of it. Too boring for me, sitting there for hours on end, alone with one’s thoughts... Didn’t help that I was restless when I was young.”

Rey instantly pictures the little freckle faced boy that haunts her dreams. She sees him running around a forest, exploring everything that he could. She sees him sitting in a field, his legs folded with Luke sitting across from him. She sees one of his eyes peer open to take in the wonders around him, too curious to be kept shut.

Kylo is still talking like she hadn’t just witnessed his memories. “My uncle on the other hand can sit out there for days, searching the Force for answers. To be honest, I always thought he was trying to find something.”

She shakes herself from the visions of Ben’s past. “Do you know what?” 

“I didn’t before… but after his philosophical rant yesterday... I think he’s seeking the Grey,” Kylo replies stoutly. 

It confuses Rey instantly. “The Grey?”

“Balance.” He responds just as stoutly before, but this time it had a condescending tone to it, as if he was speaking to a child.        

His answer just seems to confuse her more. Luke is still trying to find balance? But then why did he give them his big lecture yesterday? Rey had assumed he already was balanced.

“Wait, he hasn’t found it yet?”

Kylo just gives her a patronizing look. “Balance doesn’t come as easily to everyone as it does to you, Scavenger.”

His comment irks her. He meant it as an insult, but the harder Rey looked into it, she found that it was a thinly veiled compliment. It gave her a sense of pride to know that she’s better than him at something.

“My uncle won’t admit it to you, but he’s not as Light as people make him out to be. He’s had his battles with the darkness.” Skywalker would probably kill him for telling the girl his secrets, but Kylo finds he doesn’t care.

“Plus he’s a Skywalker. We can’t feel more than one emotion at a time. It’s a curse.” His mouth is slightly curved at the edge, faintly resembling Han whenever he tried to make a joke.

His attempt doesn’t affect Rey as he had planned. Instead, she grows somber and looks at him with unnervingly gentle eyes. It throws him for a loop, again. Not the first time she’s done that in the little time he’s known her. 

“I don’t believe that.” She knows he can feel more than one emotion. She knows, because she feels them all. All of his conflicted emotions. He just feels _so much_ all the time. Ben Solo is a whirlwind of emotions even though he tries to deny it.

He doesn’t even try to lie his way out of it. He knows she’ll sense it the moment he does. Plus he’s never been able to lie to her before anyway. So he just accepts that she calls his bluff.

Rey’s gentle glance turns into a look of curiosity. She bites her lip, conflicted whether or not to ask him her next question. 

 ** _Spit it out_** , he prompts her through the bond.

Blinking out of her thoughts, she refocuses on him. “Have _you_ found it… the Grey?” she questions hurriedly. Once it’s out of her mouth she wishes she could take it back. She kicks herself mentally. What a stupid thing to ask the master of the Knights of Ren, a devout Dark Sider.

Kylo, on the other hand, doesn’t look even slightly perturbed at her inquiry. “No… I’ve never tried,” he answers her truthfully, as always.

Out of nowhere, something snaps in Rey. Maybe it's his lack of attempting to find balance, maybe it's the fact that he's still refusing to accept the Light in him, or maybe it's because she's angry he fell to the darkness in the first place. “That’s right. You were too busy seeking the darkness and destroying Luke’s academy,” she spits out at him, getting up from the stool she had currently been sitting on.

Kylo is blindsided by her sudden rage. He narrows his eyes at her, trying to keep his temper at bay. “You know _nothing_ ,” he answers, his tone warning her to proceed with caution. 

Rey pays no mind to it, she just gets more heated and walks closer to him. “Oh, I know everything! How you burnt down the temple, and murdered your fellow padawans. _Younglings_!” There’s no attempt to calm her temper.

She can feel Kylo’s blood begin to boil at her accusations. He looks like he’s trying so hard not to explode, his chest heaving as his breath grows more ragged. If she looked closely enough, she’d see his nostrils flaring.

Kylo suddenly leaps up from his position on the cot and begins to pace around the room hoping it will allow him to release some of the pent up energy. To Rey, it looks like he’s stalking his prey, ready to attack. Stalking _her_. 

“Is that what he told you?” he demands, not having to clarify who he meant.

“Of course. Luke told me all about that night.”

He turns to face her so quickly that it startles Rey. “Well then Skywalker is a liar!”

“What do you mean? _How dare you_!” She wasn’t going to just stand by and let him accuse her teacher of lying to her.

“That is not what happened that night. I didn’t kill them!”

His words make her freeze in place. “What do you mean? You're lying.” 

He gives her a long look. “ _I didn’t kill the padawans_ ,” he repeats, emphasizing each word to show the truth in his statement.

Rey’s brows furrow in thought. Her head begins to shake subconsciously. No. No. Surely he’s lying. He’s the Jedi Killer. There was no way Luke would lie to her. Especially about something like that. It’s just not possible.

Kylo takes a threatening step towards her. “You don’t believe me.”

“Oh of course I don’t believe you,” she snaps. “I know what you’re capable of. I’ve seen it before.” 

Her reference to Han feels like a slap to the face. Kylo can sense that she feels almost guilty for bringing it up, but she keeps her brave façade up. 

“You know I can’t lie to you. I couldn’t even if I _wanted_ to,” he spits out as he walks up to her slowly, closing the distance between them. “This kriffing bond makes it impossible.” He stops in front of her, barely a hair between them. “So here.” Kylo grabs both her hands and shoves them against either side of his head. “Search my mind.” 

“Ben, no…” Rey trails off, trying to push him away.

He places his hands over hers, keeping them pressed on his temples. “ _Search my mind_ ,” he repeats, more adamant this time, his anger mixing in with his need for her to believe him.

Reluctantly, Rey gives up fighting him and closes her eyes. She’s instantly sucked into his memory of that night.

Rey opens her eyes and notices she’s at the edge of a forest, looking at the sky. Two large, black ships are heading towards her. She wonders briefly who’s aboard when suddenly she hears a dark voice whisper behind her, “ _Ben_.”

She whips around in the direction of the voice and finds herself in a long corridor made of stone. This must be the temple. Walking along she hears the whisper get quieter as if it were moving away from her. She picks up her pace and comes to a wide room.

It’s him. _Ben_. Standing in the middle of the space holding a torch up to the wooden archway. He’s younger than the conflicted man she knows, but not by much. Definitely not a child, but not yet a man.

She tries to call out to him, to get his attention, but to no avail. She curses herself. Of course she can’t talk to him. It’s just a memory; she has no control here.

The archway ignites in a fiery blaze, quickly spreading throughout the room. She can see the reflection of the flames in Ben’s eyes. He looks crazed, like he’s completely submerged in the Dark Side. Then in a matter of seconds, the look vanishes, replaced with fear. Rey’s seen this look before, after he killed Han. The expression of horror of what he’s just done.

The voice rings out again, “ _Ben_.” A reminder of his task.

Rey watches as Ben snaps out of his trance. He looks around the room and notices it’s quickly filling with smoke and flames. As he’s running to the door, a large beam falls from the ceiling right in his path, blocking the exit. Summoning up all his strength Ben uses the Force to lift the burning beam out of his way.

He can’t help but inhale a large breath of smoke, forcing him to go into a coughing fit. Clumsily he makes his way out of the door. Rey runs after him, somehow not being affected by the smoke. More burning pillars and beams begin crashing to the ground as they run to the entrance of the temple. Ben throws open the large doors and shoves his way out of the burning building.

As soon as he’s outside he trips, landing on his hands and knees, still coughing out all of the smoke from his lungs. Rey makes it out of the doors just in time to see Ben fall face first into the ground, unconscious from lack of oxygen. 

She turns around and watches as the top tower of the temple caves in on itself. She blinks slowly in grief and when her eyes open she’s next to Luke, who’s on his knees watching as the temple slowly burns to the ground. His hand is on top of Artoo as if trying to seek some kind of solace.

Rey looks around and finds the three of them surrounded by mounds scattered on the ground: the dead padawans. Turning fully around she’s met with seven people in black robes and helmets in all different designs. Their weapons are raised yet they’re not attacking Skywalker. So these must be the Knights of Ren, but where is Ben? Is it possible he’s still passed out by the temple?

She spoke too soon as she sees Ben strolling up, albeit less confident than she had seen him earlier. His lightsaber is at his side, crackling as violently as his emotions. He holds it up to Luke with shaking hands. Even though Rey knows that Luke is alive and well, she still becomes panicked at what Ben will do. It’d be so easy for him. Just one swing of his saber and Skywalker would be gone.

Rey sees the conflict on Ben’s face. His lips are trembling just like his hands. Rey realizes in this moment that Ben can’t do it. He can’t kill his uncle. Luke turns away from the destroyed temple to look at Ben. Not being able to look Skywalker in the eye, Ben waves his hand and sends Luke into a deep sleep.

Before she can see anything else Rey’s sucked out of the memory and thrust into reality again. When she opens her eyes she’s standing in front of Ben. The real Ben. The Ben who now calls himself Kylo Ren. Unlike with his uncle in his memory, he’s looking her straight in the eye, his pleading with her to believe him.

“My task was to destroy the temple and kill the padawans and Skywalker, but I _failed_. It wasn’t me who killed them all.”

“Well if you didn’t kill them… who did?”

Kylo hesitates, and then opens his mouth to answer her when suddenly they hear an explosion ring out from outside the hut. They both turn to the door in a panic then back at each other. Both of their eyes widen before running out to see what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylosroboarm on Tumblr


	7. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

_Kylo hesitates, and then opens his mouth to answer her when suddenly they hear an explosion ring out from outside the hut. They both turn to the door in a panic then back at each other. Both of their eyes widen before running out to see what happened._

 

* * *

 

Rey and Kylo run outside and are met with a burning hut across from them. Luke quickly walks up to them with a furious look on his face. He’s paying no mind to the burning hut, his eyes zeroed in on Kylo.

Luke reaches them and instantly places his hands on Kylo’s robes, pushing him roughly into an alcove by the hut they just came from. Rey follows them curious why Luke’s so mad at his nephew.

Once in the alcove Luke shoves Kylo up against the wall, hands still fisted in his robes. Kylo's head smacks back against the stone, disorienting him for a moment.

“Luke!” Rey yells in shock, surprised that he would manhandle his nephew in such a manner.

"Did you contact them?” Luke is pissed.

“What? What the hell are you talking about? Get your hands off me!” Kylo tries to push Luke off of him, but the Jedi seems to gain a surge in strength and smacks him against the wall again. Kylo grunts with the impact.

“The First Order! Did you contact them?” He emphasizes each word, his fury bleeding into his question.

A look of confusion falls on Kylo’s face. “What?”

“The First Order is here.” Not a second later the three of them hear another explosion come from outside. Rey’s the only one to jump at the noise. “So did you or did you not contact them?” he questions one last time, looking Kylo in the eye.

“No… I have no way to.”

“Did you contact Snoke in any way?”

“No… I haven’t been able to sense him since I crashed on this damn rock.” Kylo suddenly looks embarrassed. Even if Rey can’t see them, she knows that the tips of his ears are red. “He doesn’t exactly know I’m here.”

Rey gives him a shocked look. His master doesn’t know he’s here? Then why did he come? She tries to catch his gaze, but he seems to be purposefully avoiding her direction.

“So if you didn’t contact anyone, how did they find us?" 

A thought flips into Rey’s mind. His ship. “Does your ship have a navigational tracker? They would’ve known the moment you crashed.”

Kylo just gives her a condescending look. “Do you really think me stupid enough to let them put a tracker in my _personal_ ship?”

Rey opens her mouth to retort when the alcove shakes at yet another explosion.

“Nevermind. We don’t have time to debate semantics on how they’re here… Follow me. And quickly.” Luke darts out of the alcove and books his way across the rocks. Despite his age, Rey and Kylo find it difficult to keep up with him. Mostly because they don’t know where he’s leading them.

“Skywalker, where are we going?” Kylo and Rey are utterly lost.

“Get down!” Luke cries out as a TIE Fighter suddenly flies over the three of them. They fumble to crouch to the ground. Well, Kylo and Rey do. Luke ducks with more finesse. The TIE shoots its blasters, which smash into another one of the huts setting it ablaze. Luke and Kylo get back up right away and continue rushing towards wherever they’re going. Rey on the other hand is a little more disoriented from the blast, so Kylo lifts her back to her feet by her elbow and pushes at her back gently, urging her to keep going.

More Fighters seem to have noticed the trio and start shooting all around them. Luke just picks up the pace, forcing Rey and Kylo to have to run after him to keep up.

“Skywalker!” Kylo is beginning to get fed up that Luke won’t answer him when all of a sudden Luke slows down in front of a huge tree. Kylo can just feel the sheer Force radiating around it. He’s only heard tales of them before from his uncle and Snoke but never actually seen a Force Tree in the flesh.

Luke waves his hand over the base and Rey watches in wonder as a section of the trunk opens. Her eyes widen as she notices that it’s actually a tunnel. Luke makes his way into the tree, leaving Kylo and Rey behind.

“Keep up. Quickly now.”

Snapping out of their wonder, they follow him into the tunnel and the opening closes behind them, sending them all into darkness.

Reaching a cramped, little room under the tree Luke moves towards a set of shelves along one of the walls. On top of the highest shelf there’s a wood box. He takes it down and opens it, lifting out a lightsaber with cross guards: Kylo’s saber. Luke turns and holds it out for Kylo who’s still near the entrance of the room with Rey; both still shocked by the tree.

“Here. Take it.”

Kylo is broken from his wonder by his uncle’s voice. His eyes narrow on his saber in Luke’s hand. “So this is where you’ve hidden it from me.”

“I wasn’t hiding it. I placed it into safe keeping… until I knew I could trust you.”

Rey gives a light scoff at the thought of Kylo and trust. Those definitely didn’t go together. She wanders around the room; mystified at the Force she feels emanating from the roots in the walls.

Luke ignores her reaction whereas Kylo turns and narrows his eyes before returning his gaze to Skywalker.

“Take it.” He’s more insistent this time. “ _Take it_ … and keep her safe.” He places the saber into Kylo’s hand.

His last demand brings Rey to attention. “I don’t need him to keep me safe.”

Kylo turns to her and waves his saber in her face. “Seeing as I’m the only one with a saber because you dropped my birthright off a cliff, I think you do.”

Her eyes widen almost comically. She takes a step towards him, her anger building. “I _accidentally_ dropped it as I was falling off the cliff that _you_ _cornered me on_.” How dare he suggest it was her fault that the Skywalker saber was lost?

“Children, that’s enough. We don’t have time to bicker.” Luke breaks them up, sensing yet another argument was brewing between the two. They look at him reluctantly, not wanting to be the first one to break the gaze. They both wanted to win the staredown.

“You have to go.” He points to an exit out of the room. “Follow the tunnel and it will lead you straight to the Falcon. Hit hyperspace as soon as you can. And whatever you do, do _not_ go to the Resistance. That’s where they’ll expect you to go. Go _anywhere_ else.”

They two Force users nod along with Luke’s instructions, only paying attention to his words, not the implication. Rey then gets a troubled look on her face, her eyebrows furrowing. “Wait. Why do you keep saying you?” Slowly the realization hits her, hard. “You’re not coming with us.” She tries to keep her chin from trembling, but she can’t.

Luke just looks her straight in the eye, not refuting her accusation. He can’t. “Somebody has to stay here as a distraction while you two get away.”

Even Kylo seems slightly alarmed at the idea of his uncle staying on the island with First Order troops attacking. “Skywalker, that’s suicide and you know it.”

There’s no opening for debate or negotiation. Luke has already made up his mind. “Go.” They both hesitate to leave, so he repeats the demand. “Ben, take her and go. Now."

Accepting that this uncle won’t change his mind, Kylo nods his head once and begins to turn and leave. Rey, on the other hand, doesn’t move from her spot. She’s still looking at Luke with a heartbroken expression, tears filling the corners of her eyes. Kylo stops when he notices she’s not following him.

“Scavenger, we gotta go.”

She pays no attention to him. Instead, she launches herself into Luke’s arms, wrapping her arms around his neck. She’s never hugged him before. Her teacher isn’t one for physical affection, but Rey knows full well she might never get the chance again, so she hugs him with all her strength.

“May the Force be with you,” she whispers brokenly as tears leak down her cheeks onto his worn down robes.

“We have to go.”

She still pays Kylo no mind, savoring her first and probably only hug with Luke. She presses her face into the crook of his neck. This is the first fatherly embrace she’s had that she can remember. Not even Han gave her a hug. Rey doesn’t want it to end, but Kylo has other plans; mostly saving their asses. 

“Rey!” 

Hearing her name from his lips breaks her from her reverie, and she twists to look back at Kylo.

“ _We have to go… now_.” He looks almost desperate for her to listen to him.

Rey turns back to Luke and breaks their hug. He places his hands on her shoulders, once again in his mentor mindset. “May the Force be with you.” Then as an afterthought he adds quietly, “Look after him will you?” He leans his head towards Ben, who’s still staring at Rey.

She doesn’t really want to, but she nods her head, promising to watch over his nephew. 

“Go.” She nods to him one more before turning to follow Kylo. They head towards the tunnel.

Luke calls out one last time. “Remember, anywhere but the Resistance!”

 

* * *

 

Both of them make their way through the tunnel, Kylo tearing through while Rey lags behind, her mind somewhere else.

“Pick up the pace. We have to get to the Falcon.” He doesn’t even look back at Rey, just continues making his way through the tiny tunnel. His back, somewhat bent from the low ceilings.

Kylo can sense that Rey’s slowing her pace. He stops suddenly and turns around to face her, halting her in her tracks.

“What is wrong with you? Do you not understand that we have to get off this damn island as fast as we can?” He’s done playing games. He will carry her to the Falcon if he has to. He promised his uncle he’d keep her safe and dammit, he will succeed.

Rey still isn’t focused on him so he decides to bang on wall that separates their consciousnesses. “Rey.”

She finally snaps her attention to him. Kylo’s relieved that he got through to her and broke her out of her trance. That is until she begins to glare at him. Kriff. What did he do now? How could he have possibly pissed her off again? 

“What?” he asks tentatively.

Narrowing her eyes, she takes a step closer to him. “We just abandoned Luke to possibly get killed by the First Order. So I’m so sorry if I’m a little distracted.”

Kylo tries his hardest to not roll his eyes. He knows how much she’s grown to care for his uncle in the little time she’s known him, and he knows that leaving him behind is eating at her conscience.

“Skywalker will be just fine,” he replies, trying to appease her worry.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do. He killed all my knights; I think he’ll be able to hold his own against some measly stormtroopers.”

Rey still doesn’t seem fully mollified, so he tries a different tactic. “Besides, my uncle’s stubborn.”

 ** _Sounds like someone else_**.

He figures he wasn’t supposed to hear that, but it leaked across the bond without Rey realizing it. “Well I am a Skywalker after all,” he sasses, a small smirk firmly on his face.

She doesn’t respond like he wanted her to. No smile. No sassing him back. Rey just glances at the ground, her mind still on Luke.

Kylo walks up closer to her and lifts his hand near her face. He pauses for a second, realizing what he’s actually going to do. This could turn out very badly if she reacts on instinct. Gaining the courage, he reaches out and lifts her chin, forcing her to look him in the eyes.

Rey lets out a small involuntary gasp and her eyes widen, shocked that he’s touching her. Not to mention in such an intimate way. She glances down at the hand that’s below her chin before staring back up at him. His hand is surprisingly soft. Strong, but not course or rough like she imagined they would be. Maybe it has to do with the gloves he wore all the time. 

“There was nothing you could’ve said or done to make him change his mind.” His eyes are gentle, staring at her with such a calm intensity. 

Rey closes her eyes, almost as if she was in pain. He knows that she’s coming to terms with leaving Luke, but he knows her well enough to know it’s killing her to do it. He can feel the turmoil inside of her.

“But I promised my uncle that I would get you off this island, and that’s what I intend to do.” Kylo’s gaze has become even more intense than before, his vow to Luke bringing out the fire in him. “So in order to do that, we need to leave. _Now_.”

Rey sighs in defeat and gives him a tired nod.

He releases her chin from his hold and turns to continue walking when suddenly they hear an explosion that rings out through the tunnel. Kylo whips back around to Rey, who looks at him with a look of shock plastered on her face.

Before either of them can say a word the sound of rumbling interrupts them. Rey’s eyebrows furrow at the noise. “What is that?”

Her question is answered when rocks begin to fall from the ceiling of the tunnel behind them. She turns to see the direction they just came from beginning to become blocked off by falling rocks and dirt. There’s only one way out of the tunnel now; the exit that leads to the Falcon. 

“Run!” Kylo grabs her arm and pushes her in front of him. She trips slightly before righting herself and taking off down the passageway, Kylo staying close behind her. “Go, Rey, go!”

They dash their way through the tunnel until finally they can see the exit. Kylo gives Rey a final push to get her out of the way before the wall of rocks comes crashing down, sealing off the tunnel.

They spot the Falcon parked across the way. Without stopping to catch their breath, they continue sprinting towards it. The sooner they get on it the sooner they can get off the island.

Making their way up to it, Rey calls out, “Chewie, start her up!” and runs her way up to the bottom of the ramp.

Kylo on the other hand stalls out to a sudden stop, frozen in his spot. It’s like his body legs just stopped working. Something inside him preventing him from getting on _his_ ship.

Rey’s halfway up the ramp before she senses that he stopped. Looking back at him, she gives him a questioning look. “What are you doing? Let’s go!”

“I’m not getting on that ship.”

“What do you mean you’re not getting on? We don’t have time for games.”

“I’m not getting on the ship with that _thing_.” 

Rey’s gives him a perplexed look, her eyes wide. Is he kidding? He’s the one that’s been so determined to get to the Falcon just to be stopped in his tracks by a Wookie. “You mean Chewie? You won’t get on because of _Chewie_?” Rey’s at a complete loss for words at how stupid he’s being. “And why not?”

“Because he _shot_ me!” he snaps, his words edged with condescension.

“And need I remind you _why_?” She knows it’s a low blow, bringing up Han, but they don’t have time for him to be scared of a Wookie.

Kylo looks like he’s just been slapped across the face. Rey realizes that if she wants to get him on the ship that probably wasn’t the best way to go about it. Biting her lip, she decides to change tactics.

“You promised Luke that you would protect me. Well I’m getting on this ship and leaving this island, so the only way that you can keep that promise is to come with me.” 

He knows that she’s right. She’s backed him into a corner, bringing up his compulsion to keep her safe. Smart move, he thinks to himself, slightly annoyed that she’s figured out how to manipulate him into doing what she wants. All she has to do is pull the strings that are connected to his compassion for her and he’ll bend to her every will. Snoke’s right, it is his weakness. And Kylo fears it will one day be his downfall. 

“So Ben Solo, get your kriffing ass on this ship now or I will drag you on it myself.”

He stands there in shock, whether it was the use of his whole name causing him to have flashbacks of his mother or that he didn’t mind that she called him that at all. In fact, he actually enjoyed the way his name fell so naturally from her lips. He also didn’t realize the mouth she had on her. He’s got to admit that it entertains him how spunky she is. Defeated, he makes his way over to and up the ramp.

“If he rips my arms off I’m blaming you,” he says, leaning over near her ear as he passes her. 

“Fine by me.”

They both make it into the Falcon and Rey presses the button to close the ramp. Before they can take another step the ship shakes with the force of blasts hitting the side. Kylo and Rey are thrown to the wall with the impact. Chewie yells to ask if they’re ok from the cockpit.

“We’re fine, Chewie!” Rey replies, easing his worries.

They right themselves and make their way to the cockpit.

“Take the gunner position,” they delegate at the same time. 

Shocked and offended they two turn to each other. “I’m not doing it. You do it!” They’re still speaking in unison.

Before a fight can break out another blast shakes the Falcon. Rey and Kylo look at each other and a thought passes between them, one that they strangely agree on.

“Chewie! Gunner position!”

Chewbacca yells in confirmation and emerges from the cockpit. As he passes Kylo he gives a low growl, causing Kylo to wince internally.

Kylo and Rey race to the cockpit only to bump into the walls as they try to go through the door at the same time. They shove each other, trying to be the one to walk through first. After some tussling, Rey emerges as the victor and goes up to the control panel ready to prepare the Falcon for take off. Kylo on the other hand looks at her completely confused.

"Just what do you think you're doing?"

She doesn't even glance up at him. "I'm getting ready to fly." What part of her pressing the controls is so hard for him to understand?

Pursing his lips, he walks to her from the door and pushes her to the side, taking hold of the controls she had been touching. Rey is instantly disgruntled. 

"What do _you_ think you're doing? I'm flying this ship."

Kylo glances down at her, annoyed. "Take a seat, Sweetheart. This is _my_ ship."

Rey blinks at him with her mouth slightly ajar, offended. "Who do you think you are? Leia gave this ship to me, and I'm going to pilot it."

"So you stole _another_ one of my birthrights?"

He doesn't think he's ever seen her eyes so wide before.

Before she can go off on him, a blast shakes the Falcon. "Seems that you'll have to put your yelling at me on hold, Sweetheart. I'm a little busy saving our asses."

Rey reluctantly sits in the co-pilot's seat, fuming at him.

Chewie gives them a yell when the ship is hit with another blast. _What are you waiting for?_  

Kylo presses in the sequence for take-off and expertly lifts the Falcon off the ground. Without wasting a moment, he thrusts the throttle forward and the ship takes off from the island. 

The TIE Fighters instantly begin to follow, seeing that the ship is attempting to leave. 

"Chewie, shoot em down!" Kylo yells out demands to the Wookiee, all animosity between them temporarily forgotten. All they are focused on is getting off of Ahch-To alive, and if that meant working together, then so be it. Chewie locks on to one of the TIEs and shoots, hitting the wing with precision. 

One of the Fighters flies next to them so closely that Chewie is unable to lock on to it. He yells to Kylo to change position so he can get a better angle.

"Got it!"

Kylo pulls the throttle back all the way and lifts the wheel backwards and down, forcing the Falcon to go straight up in the air before doing a full 180. Once Kylo sees that the Fighter is in front of them, he straightens out the wheel and pushes the throttle forward again. Chewie takes the opportunity to shoot the TIE out of the sky. Rey watches as it spins out of control and crashes into the water. 

"We're wasting too much time fighting them off. Luke said to hit hypersapce as soon as we could." 

Kylo looks at her with exhilaration plastered across his face. He's _enjoying_ himself. He hasn't been in a dogfight in a long time. He hasn't had this much _fun_ in a long time. 

She just shakes her head at him, knowing he's getting a high on this, running for their lives. She can feel the joy and energy radiating through him. All the adrenaline is bleeding through the bond and making her feel more alive as well. Ignoring the feeling of excitement, she just gives him a pointed look.

 **_We have to leave._ ** Kylo tries his hardest not to pout at her demand, not wanting his fun to stop. But of course, she's right. Their mission is to leave Ahch-To.

 ** _Fine_**.

He pulls back the wheel, causing the Falcon to climb higher into the sky. Just as it's nearing the atmosphere of Ahch-To, Kylo sets the Falcon to lightspeed. Rey watches as the island and Luke blur away to nothing. 

The two settle into a silence. They hear Chewie come up from the gunner's port, but he doesn't come up to the cockpit. Understandable. Also Kylo's relieved. Now that they've escaped, the temporary truce between them is probably gone, so the longer he doesn't have to see the Wookiee, the better. 

Kylo punches in the coordinates to where they're going. Surprisingly Rey doesn't ask where. She's just sitting in the co-pilot's seat with her arms crossed and her brows furrowed in annoyance. Most likely at him. She's even pouting, her lips pursed to the side. He blinks in shock when he realizes that he secretly thinks it's adorable. Instantly he throws his shields up, hoping that his thoughts didn't bleed through the bond. To take his mind off of it, and her, he decides to focus solely on flying.  

They sit there for a few minutes before Rey breaks the silence. "I'm not your sweetheart," she grumbles, annoyance seeping into her tone.  

"What are you mumbling about?" He doesn't turn to look at her, just keeps looking out the viewport. 

"You called me Sweetheart. I'm _not_ your sweetheart." 

"What are you talking about? I didn't call you Sweet--" he breaks off, realizing that he, in fact, did. 

He gets really quiet all of sudden, withdrawing into himself. Silently, he presses autopilot and gets up. Without a word to Rey, he walks out of the cockpit and makes his way down the hallway. 

"Ben. Ben!" Rey is perplexed why he just left like that. She will never understand him or his emotions. Hopefully he doesn't destroy anything with his saber. Luke just  _had_  to give it back to him. Sighing, she strengthens her resolve and sets off after him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylosroboarm on Tumblr
> 
> Leave kudos and comments if you like it!


	8. Like Father, Like Son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

_"Ben. Ben!" Rey is perplexed why he just left like that. She will never understand him or his emotions. Hopefully he doesn't destroy anything with his saber. Luke just had to give it back to him. Sighing, she strengthens her resolve and sets off after him._

 

* * *

  

Rey walks down the hall in search of Kylo and sees Chewie at the table. Without a word he points down the hallway to where the bunks are, to where Kylo is. Rey nods in thanks and continues walking. Behind her, she hears Chewie get up from the table and walk to the cockpit. Good. At least she knows they won’t crash into anything while she deals with Ben’s emotional crisis.

On her way to the bunks she gets an onslaught of fragmented visions. Leia kissing a dark haired baby goodnight. The same little boy, a bit older, in Leia’s arms, asking for a story. The boy being tickled by Han, screaming in laughter with his father.

Just before Rey gets there, the mood of the memories shifts. They become sadder. The boy is older, emotions rushing through his being, already tinged with the darkness that will one day consume him. She sees the freckle-faced boy hiding under his covers while Leia and Han can be heard arguing from the main section of the Falcon. The boy, now almost a teenager, holding back tears as his mother and uncle talk at him. Talk about sending him away to learn how to control the Force.

She finally finds him and realizes all the memories have two things in common. They all feature him from his childhood, and they all take place on the same bunk, the bunk that he’s currently sitting on. _His_ bunk.

She finds him slouched on the tiny bed, his back bent at a weird angle as not to hit his head on the upper bunk. His hands like two dead weights resting on his thighs. Head bowed down so his chin is touching his chest. Rey can’t see his eyes, but she knows they’re shut tightly as if he’s in pain. In a twisted sort of way, he is.

Not sure about what do, Rey stands at the door watching him. She’s not sure if he’s aware that he’s projecting all of his memories across the bond, but she’s assaulted with them nonetheless. Knowing him, he wouldn’t show her these certain memories on purpose. These are the ones he keeps locked up from Snoke. The ones that he thinks make him weak. These are the memories of Ben Solo.  

Suddenly she feels this crashing wave of regret and pain from his subconscious. Along with it are thoughts of Han. She should’ve known that him being here, on his father’s ship, is bound to bring up painful memories. She tries to think that he deserves the pain after what he did, but she just can’t bring herself to wish that on him. The feeling of regret is just so overwhelming.

Strengthening her resolve, Rey walks over to the bunk and sits down beside him without saying a word. He doesn’t move or acknowledge her presence, too preoccupied by his memories.

With a burst of courage, she reaches out and grabs one of his hands in her delicate one and pulls it into her lap. Her eyes widen, not knowing why she just did that. She can feel him break out of his trance. He still doesn’t turn to look at her, but she can feel his surprise at her touching him.

They sit there for a while, just like that. No talking. They don’t need to. The feeling of just having company is actually soothing for the pair of Force users. Neither one of them shifts positions; too comfortable with how they’re sitting. Rey is still holding his hand in her lap, absentmindedly running her fingers across his palm in different patterns. Every once in a while Rey sends calming thoughts through the bond. In return she feels him rub his thumb against the back of her hand: a thank you.

Deep down though she knows he’s also doing it to savor the feeling of her hands on his, memorizing how her skin feels. Rey tries to block the emotions out, but he makes it hard.

Rey closes her eyes, settling into a peaceful state when Kylo breaks the silence.

“ _He_ used to call her that.”

Rey turns to look at him, startled that he broke the silence. “Hmm?”

Kylo doesn’t bring his face up, his eyes piercing holes into the floor. “He used to call her that… The context didn’t matter. He could shout it or whisper it; it was all the same. Anything was better than when he called her Princess.”

He raises his eyebrow in a wry expression. Kylo scoffs and shakes his head, remembering how pissed his mother would get when his father called her Princess. Those were always the worst fights. The fights that would end with Han getting on the Falcon and leaving. He gets solemn again, remembering how his mother would cry in her room after those fights. He may have only been a small boy, but he would get so mad at his father for making his sweetheart cry.

Rey tries not to eavesdrop on his trip through memory lane, but Ben’s an open book right now, his memories being laid out for her to see. Without fully understanding why, she feels the need to make him feel better. She tells herself it’s so that his emotions will stop bleeding into her, but she knows that’s not the truth.

“I don’t remember my parents,” she says, glancing down at his hand in hers.

“I know.”

She looks back up at him with furrowed eyebrows. She’s startled when she finds him staring at her with those intense eyes. “How do you--?” Rey rolls her eyes at herself. “The bond.” She laughs lightly at her forgetfulness. “You know, surprisingly I always forget about that… even with you reminding me all the kriffing time.”

Kylo turns away from her quickly, ignoring her eyes. The corners of his lips cause Rey to do a double take. If she didn’t know any better, she’d swear that Ben is trying to hold back a smile at her jibe.

“It’s weird, but it’s like I’ve gotten so used to you being there all the time that it’s easy to forget you’re there at all… it’s all just become _normal_.” 

Almost hesitatingly, Kylo lifts his eyes to look into hers. There’s this gentleness to his eyes that takes Rey by surprise. How is it that the monster who killed his father can show such tenderness around her? She’s torn apart when she thinks of him.

Tears fill Rey’s eyes. “You make it so hard sometimes.”

He becomes concerned with her sudden sadness, but tries to hide it from slipping across the bond. “What do you mean?” he asks, turning to face her.

She looks him straight in the face. “You remind me so much of him.” 

Rey can feel him instantly withdraw into himself, turning back away from her. She tries not to feel insulted when he pulls his hand away from hers, but she feels this strange sense of emptiness nonetheless. The emptiness doubles when she feels him close his mind off from her.

“You mean looking at me reminds you of that night. The night I stuck my saber through his heart.” His tone is harsh, but she knows it’s not really directed towards her. He’s angry with himself. 

Closing her eyes, Rey winces when she thinks of Han falling into the abyss. She impulsively grabs his hand again before she can stop herself, causing him to look at her in shock.

Rey turns her body on the bunk so that she’s fully facing him. “No.” She shakes her head slightly. “You look just like him,” she replies, her eyes raking over his face.

Kylo freezes and Rey knows that she's entered dangerous territory. Probably not the best time or place to compare him to his father, but she can't take it back now. "You're practically a carbon copy... but your eyes... those are all Leia. She has the same gaze, as if there's this constant sadness no matter how much she tries to hide it. You have the same look."

He doesn't move a muscle, too stunned by her analysis of him. He didn't think she cared enough to study him in such detail.

"And it's not just your looks... You have his mannerisms. His cocky attitude. You do the same smirk he would when he would say something snarky. And underneath it all, under the gruff facade, you have his gentleness."  

She shakes her head. "You confuse me, Ben Solo. One moment I think you're a complete monster... and the next you look at me like that."

His brows furrow at her statement.

"I may be in your head and know you better than anyone ever will, but I'll never fully understand you." She gives him a sort of half-smile which makes him relax slightly. 

Kylo just stares at her. His eyes rake up and down her face, engraining that smile into his mind. Not wanting to forget that smile, he places it in the back of his mind where he keeps all of his other secrets. He locks it away in the same location as his Light, her Light mixing with his. The location of his memories as Ben Solo. 

Not being able to control himself, he reaches up and brushes away a hair that's fallen into her face. Rey lets out a quick gasp and her eyes shoot to his. Savoring the feeling of the softness of her skin against his, he lightly drags the back of his finger down her cheek.

She blinks at him in confusion, but then her eyes slowly drift closed and she leans into his finger slightly, as if she were enjoying the gentleness of his touch. She knows she should push him away, especially after all he's done. He's a monster. He killed Han. He almost killed Finn. And yet, she doesn't. For some reason she can't force herself to make him stop.

He's right, she _is_ lonely. So starved for affection that she lets him stroke her cheek. And to her surprise, she doesn't hate it. Living alone on Jakku for all those years has made her naive to such intimacy. She's never felt someone caress her with such tenderness that she can remember. Sure she's hugged Finn, but there's something different in the way Ben touches her. Something deeper. Like he's trying with all his might not to break her, to taint her with his darkness.      

She savors the moment for a second until she comes back to her senses. He's still Kylo Ren, the master of the Knights of Ren and she's still Rey, a scavenger from Jakku. Almost as if she was caught doing something she shouldn't, Rey pulls away from his hand and leaps off the bunk. She can feel Ben's instant confusion at her sudden change in emotions. 

"I should go check on Chewie," she blurts out as she speeds to the door of the little room, avoiding making eye contact with him.

Kylo just looks at her, trying not to show how hurt he was at the speed at which she pulled away. It was like he burnt her. Like his darkness bled into her skin and her Light threw him off in order to protect her. To protect her from him. Looking up at her from the bunk with those eternally sad eyes, he nods at her numbly.  

Rey stops once she passes through the door. She turns back to face him and leans into the room. Biting her lip, she hesitates, not able to voice her next question. It's simple, but for some reason she can't get the words to leave her mouth. 

Kylo stares at her confused that she's still there, but also trying to conceal his relief that she didn't leave. **_Spit it out, Sweetheart_**.

Blinking, Rey breaks out of her stupor. He called her that name again. 

Kylo couldn't help it. He didn't mean to say it, it just flowed subconsciously out of his mouth before he can stop it. He's stunned when she ignores it. He's even more stunned when he picks up that she doesn't hate it. Remembering that she's saying something, he focuses back on her, pulling out of her mind.

"Does he really rip off arms?" she asks curiously, almost as if she's anxious about the answer.  

Coughing out a laugh, he feels a small smile form on his face. She always seems to be able to do that; make him smile when no one else can. It actually feels weird to smile. He hasn't done it in so long, he's almost forgotten how.

"Yes... I've seen it."

His answer intrigues Rey. She can't help but lean further into the room. "Can..." She pauses, hesitating with her next question out of fear that he'll say no. Or maybe it's her fear of him saying yes. "Can... can you tell me... about it?"

He blinks at her in shock, but quickly snaps out of it, again becoming the cocky man she knows. A smirk grows on his face slowly as he looks at her with intense eyes. His eyes always seem to be brighter when he's being playful. 

"I'll tell you..." He pauses dramatically. His smirk turns into a more genuine smile when he looks into her eyes. "I'll tell you... but you have to come and sit back down."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylosroboarm on Tumblr
> 
> Leave kudos and comments! I love hearing your feedback!


	9. The Incident in the Castle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

_"I'll tell you..." He pauses dramatically. His smirk turns into a more genuine smile when he looks into her eyes. "I'll tell you... but you have to come and sit back down."_  

 

* * *

 

Kylo pats the blanket beside him when he feels her hesitation. He doesn’t even have to reach his way across the bond to know that she’s almost regretting she asked him. Her face gives it all away. She wants to know the story, but she doesn’t want to sit by him. Unlucky for her there’s nowhere else to sit unless she wants to sit on the top bunk.

“It’s quite the story. You’re going to want to sit.”

His enticing doesn’t work on her the way he planned. Rey just rolls her eyes and turns back towards the hallway. “I should really check on Chewie.”

“The Wookiee’s fine. He’s been flying this ship since before I was born.” He can still feel her apprehension. “Besides, we have time. I set the navigation, remember? There’s still a while until we reach our destination.”

Biting her lip, she sighs in defeat. With one last look at the hallway, at her _escape route_ , she walks over to the bunk and sits down on it as far away from him as she can get. She sits there stoutly with her legs and arms crossed, not facing him. Rey can practically feel him roll his eyes at her, but she doesn’t care, she’s not going to become that vulnerable with him again.

It startles her when she suddenly feels the thin mattress dip beside her. Her eyes quickly dart beside her and find that he has made his way closer to her. Maker, she wishes she could smack that smug look off of his face. She can feel his pride at getting her to sit down. And his enjoyment that he flusters her. **_I will sit on the floor if you get any closer_**.

 ** _Oh, don’t tempt me, Sweetheart_**.

Rey narrows her eyes at him, warning him to back off. The smirk falls off of his face, and sarcastically he brings his hands up in surrender.

“Just tell the story." 

Kylo leans back against the wall and gets comfortable. “Aye aye, Jedi Princess.”

He swears he’s never seen her eyes so narrowed at him before. He knows that he should regret saying it, but it’s so fun rifling her up. She makes it too easy for him. It helps that he knows exactly which buttons to press. On the other hand, she knows exactly which of his buttons to press too.

“ _I will leave_.”

Realizing she’s not joking, he drops his cockiness. “Fine.” He unconsciously sends a tendril across the bond; an apology.

Kylo readjusts himself, getting even more comfortable before he begins his tale. He notices Rey loosen her posture slightly as she leans against the wall. As not to completely submit to his request, she keeps her arms and legs tightly crossed, always having to show that stubborn rebellion when it comes to doing what he wants.

He takes a deep breath in, braving himself for the story. “Being the son of a princess and a smuggler doesn’t really equate for the easiest childhood. Then being related to three war heroes didn’t help either. And on top of it, I was Force sensitive... I had all the cards stacked against me from the beginning.”

“My birth was broadcasted all over the galaxy. _War heroes Leia Organa and Han Solo have a bouncing baby boy_!” His eyes roll at the statement. “Let’s just say that I was a hot commodity.”

“People were after you?” she guesses, her brows furrowed in confusion. If he didn’t know any better, he’d suspect there was a trace of worry too.

“It was either they wanted me to get to my parents or they wanted me for my power. Sometimes both.”

Rey stares down at her folded arms in thought. “But what does that have to do with Chewie ripping off someone’s arms?”

“Maybe I should just show you instead.” He gives her an almost hesitant look. “It will be easier than me telling you.”

She can’t help but shake her head. There’s no way she’s going into his head again. Not after last time. All she sees is pain and suffering. Rey tries to spend as little time in there as possible.

 ** _Rey_**. 

He’s staring at her with those gentle eyes again when she lifts her gaze from her lap. Does he even know what those eyes do to her? How they completely break down her resolve? Who’s she kidding? Of course he knows. He wouldn’t do it unless he knew. That's what he does. What he was taught to do. Use someone's weaknesses against them. 

**_I won’t hurt you. I promise._ **

Unconsciously she nods her head, believing him against her better judgement. Slowly, almost as if she’s a creature that frightens easily, he reaches out and grabs her hands and brings them up to his temples.

 ** _Close your eyes_**.

Tentatively, she does, and she’s instantly thrown into the vast labyrinth that is his mind. 

 

* * *

 

It’s like she innately knows where to go because she just starts walking through the maze of rooms without thinking about it. She knows she’s looking for the door to where he’s locked away his old life. Where he’s locked away Ben. There’s this pull that leads her past all the rooms that Snoke’s able to access, and guides her straight to the one she needs.

Before she can even think of how to unlock the door, it swings wide open, waiting for her to walk in. Rey takes a step into the room and is instantly catapulted into his memories. 

When she opens her eyes she finds herself in the middle of a cantina somewhere. The place is alive with energy, filled with different species all conversing and drinking together. Some are here for fun, some for business.

The room is eerily familiar, but Rey can’t figure out how she knows it. She’s been here before, but she can’t name when.

Then a recognizable voice calls out, “Han Solo!”

Maz.

Rey turns her head in the direction of the voice and sees the little humanoid standing on top of the bar just as she remembers her from last time.

 _Wait_. She said— 

She twists around quickly and finds Han Solo making his way through the crowd, Chewie faithfully at his side. The only thing different is that this time, instead of herself and Finn accompanying them, there’s a little freckle faced boy next to Han holding his hand.

Rey knows she shouldn’t get excited over seeing the man she saw as a father figure again, but she can’t help it. She knows he’s dead, and he’s not coming back, but Rey doesn’t care. All that matters to her right now is that he’s here in the flesh. She starts forward, yearning to talk to him again, but internally she knows that it’s impossible. Here, he’s just a memory. Just an image from Ben’s mind. 

Ben!

Her eyes dart down beside Han to the little boy clutching his father’s hand. It’s _him_. It’s really the little boy who haunts her dreams. The boy with constellations scattered across his face and light in his eyes.

All of the breath in Rey’s lungs leaves her at the sight of him. Seeing him, she can’t imagine how such a Light being could ever be consumed by darkness.

She walks closer to the group wanting to hear what they’re saying, and curious about Han’s visit. The boy turns his head to her quickly and stares, making Rey freeze. It’s almost as if he sees her. But that’s not possible. This is just a memory. She’s not really here.

After a moment Ben scrunches is nose and looks away, once again burying himself closer to Han's side.

Rey thought he would be enthralled at the castle. She certainly was the first time she saw it. Suddenly a voice pops into her head. **_There were too many Force signatures in the room. And everyone’s thoughts_** … **_It was overwhelming_**.

It makes sense once Rey thinks about it. Luke did tell her that Ben was always exceptionally good at reading minds, almost too good to actually be trying. It was like people’s thoughts just appeared into his mind without him actively extracting them.

Shaking her head, she focuses back on Maz and the group. Rey tries to get as close as she can to hear their conversation.

“What are you doing in my castle?” Maz gets right to the point, not one to waste time.

“We need a few supplies, Maz.”

“That I can do. After a drink.” She beckons them with her hand. “Come.”

The group and Rey follow her to the bar.

When they get there, Maz walks around to the back of it and points for them to sit. Rey can’t help but smile when Han lifts the little boy and places him on one of the tall stools before sitting down himself. Chewie tests the sturdiness of the stool before sitting down, making her laugh.

Maz hands out a glass of Corellian whiskey to both Han and Chewie and a glass of Bantha milk to Ben, who starts drinking it with a smile on his face. Rey gets the feeling that it’s his favorite drink by the way he’s gulping it back. 

“You remember Chewie,” Han begins. Chewie howls out a greeting to Maz in Shyriiwook.

“Of course I remember the Wookiee. I wouldn’t forget that tall, handsome creature.” She winks at him.

Han just rolls his eyes, but Ben lets out a giggle at Maz’s description of his Uncle Chewie.

Rey feels her eyes widen at the sound. She’s never heard him laugh before and it throws her slightly. Seeing him now, laughing next to his father, makes her even more conflicted on how she feels towards Ben Solo. She knows she should hate him, but he keeps showing her the gentle side of him. He was a child full of joy and happiness. He had a family who loved him. And he gave it all up.

“And this is my son--”

“Ben Solo.” Maz turns to face him, cutting off Han.

The sound of his name makes him bring up his face from the cool drink. He furrows his brows at the idea that she already somehow knows his name. Perhaps he feels the Force radiating off of her.

 ** _I couldn’t read her thoughts_**.

But she could read his, just like she read Rey’s.

Climbing on top of the bar, Maz leans closer to Ben, getting right into his face. He backs away just enough to put some distance between himself and the small Force sensitive, but not too far as to fall off the stool.

Rey can already sense his confusion at Maz’s sudden interest in him. She can feel him wanting to retreat into his father’s side, to where he’s safe and out of view. 

Maz lifts the goggles away from her eyes just as she did with her, this time looking deeply into the young Force user. The rest of the world seems to disappear. It’s just the two of them in this moment. Han and Chewie don’t matter to Maz. All that matters is that Ben understands.

“You have great conflict in you… And there’s a darkness. Darkness I’ve never felt before.”

Ben’s looking at her with those intense eyes that Rey’s become very familiar with. He’s always had them, and there’s always been that sadness. But as she looks in Ben’s eyes now, she sees how frightened he is. How scared he is of the darkness that he’ll one day succumb to. Of Snoke; the monster who’s been in the back of his mind since he can remember. 

“But there’s also great Light. Brighter than I’ve seen,” Maz adds when she senses his fear. “The Light will always be there… you need only to embrace it.” 

Her consolation doesn’t comfort Ben like she plans for it to. The boy seems almost more conflicted than he was before; his emotions coursing through his body like a wild storm.

“Maz, that’s enough. You’re gunna scare the kid, and then Leia’s gunna blame me.”

She fixes her goggles and then points a finger right in Han’s face. “Do not take my warning lightly, Solo. I have seen the rise and fall of the Dark Side many times. It’s not to be underestimated.”

Han just rolls his eyes. He thought he was done with all that mumbo jumbo after the fall of the Empire and Vader, but now his own son had the Force, and Han was still getting used to that reality. No matter how much Luke and Leia insisted on it being real, he never wanted to fully believe in it.

“Can we just get our supplies and get out of here?”

Rey can tell that Han’s quickly getting fed up with the conversation. She hadn’t known him long, but she always got the sense that he was weary about the Force. He would get uncomfortable when talking about the subject.

Maz closes her eyes as if she were exhausted. Like she’s tried to have the same conversation with Han before and he shuts it down every time. Like she’s unable to get through to him. To make him believe her warning about his son.

“Follow me.”

She gets off the counter and starts heading towards the stairs, towards her storeroom, expecting Han to follow her.

“Wait here, Kid. We’ll be right back." 

Han ruffles Ben’s curly, black hair and sets off after Maz, Chewie trailing behind him for a pair of extra arms.

Ben goes back to drinking his milk and looking around at all of the commotion in the room. Though he looks disinterested in everyone’s conversations his eyes keep darting between people as if he’s trying to sort out whose thoughts are whose.

Rey just stands there watching him, mesmerized. The boy who comes into her dreams every night is really in front of her. It may just be a memory, but it feels more real for some reason. He’s not just an image that Kylo Ren sent to her in her mind, but he’s an actual version of his past self. This is the real Ben Solo as he used to be. Before he ruined it all and fell to the Dark Side.

There’s a sudden disturbance when two thugs enter the room. Rey’s eyes lock onto them as they move around the room and sit further down the bar. She’s instantly weary of them. They keep glancing towards Ben every once in a while then whisper to each other.

A few minutes go by the same way. Rey watching them look at Ben then whispering; whereas Ben seems to be blissfully unaware, drinking his milk and keeping to himself.

Then all of a sudden the thugs get up. “Grab the kid!”

They rush to Ben, grabbing him by both arms and lifting him off of the stool he’s sitting on. The glass gets knocked over in the process, falling to the ground and shattering, blue milk spattering all over the floor.

Rey instantly becomes panicked. Not knowing what to do, she’s frozen for a moment, just watching the thugs drag Ben away. He’s kicking and struggling in their arms, but strangely not making any noise.

Hearing one of the men grunt when Ben’s foot connects with their shin makes her snap out of her trance. The thug has let go of Ben to grab his soon to be bruised shin while the other keeps his hold of the boy.

She has to do something! She can’t, _won’t_ , let them take him.

 ** _Ben_**!

She runs towards the man holding his shin, and tries to barrel into him to knock him over. The next thing she knows is that she’s on the floor, her hands bracing her from hitting her head on the ground. Rey looks up at the thug in shock. She ran right through him.

Rey looks over at the other thug who’s getting further and further away with Ben.

“Ben!” This time she calls aloud, not caring anymore. 

She tries to get up and run after him, but she finds she’s stuck on the floor. There’s something stopping her from moving.

 ** _You can’t do anything here_**.

Rey struggles to break out of Kylo’s hold. She’s getting desperate and getting frustrated that he’s keeping her from doing anything. **_Let me go_**. **_I have to save him_**!

 ** _You can’t do anything here, Rey_**. **_It’s just a memory_**. **_You’re not really here_**.

Tears come to Rey’s eyes. He’s right. She can’t save Ben. She can’t even touch anyone.

 ** _But you’re being taken_**.

 ** _Just watch_**.

Submitting to his gentle demand, Rey sits there on the floor and watches the young boy be yanked farther away from her.

The other thug has now moved closer to the pair, but before he can lay a hand on Ben he freezes in his place. He seems as though he begins to vibrate when unexpectedly his head whips to the side at an abnormal angle. The thug falls to the ground right and lands right in front of Rey.

She looks at the man in horror. His neck is snapped in half. Dead.

Hesitantly, she looks up at Ben who has a dark look across his young face. Gone is the joyful gaze that he had earlier in the memory. Rey’s eyes refill with tears as she recognizes that Kylo Ren has always been in Ben Solo. Long before she ever met him. 

Equally as horrified, the other thug lets go of Ben in shock. Now free, Ben runs and hides under the counter of the bar and covers his ears with his hands, curling into himself in fear. The thug shakes his head, forgetting about his partner, and walks towards Ben with his arms stretched out threateningly. Ben closes his eyes and everyone in the whole room becomes still.

Rey just stares at the little boy, stunned by the raw, powerful Force that he had at such a young age. He froze everyone in the room. At his age, it should be impossible. She’s only ever seen him freeze one person at a time, and that’s when he’s a man. If she knew he could do this as a boy she’d have been a lot more frightened of him. Thinking more about it, she still is.

There’s a commotion and Rey’s eyes dart over and see Han, Chewie, and Maz coming up from the stairs that lead down to her storage room carrying boxes in their arms.

They see that every person in the bar seems to be frozen and instantly look around the room. Han spots Ben cowering under the bar and runs over to him, the box in his arms crashing to the ground. When he gets to Ben he crouches in front of him, worried about his son.

Chewie follows at a slower pace and takes account of the dead man on the floor. He walks over to the thug reaching out for his human nephew and puts two and two together. He becomes angry that the men dared to lay a hand on his honorary nephew. With a yell, he rips off the man’s arms and throws them across the room. Still frozen, the thug falls to the floor, slowly bleeding out. Satisfied, Chewie continues walking towards Ben and Han.

“What did you do?” Han asks sternly, trying to get Ben to pull his hands away from his ears. "Ben, what did you do?"

Ben just begins to shake his head, keeping his eyes shut and his ears protected, trying to keep the world out.

"Han, that's enough! Can't you see the boy is frightened?" Maz walks over to Ben, hoping she’ll be able to reason with the Force sensitive child. “Ben, let them go. You have to let them go.”

It still doesn’t work. He stays a shaking ball of fear, and Rey finds that it’s breaking her heart to see him like that.

She suddenly feels Kylo’s hold loosen from her and slowly gets up. Stepping over the dead man in front of her, she walks over to the trembling little boy and kneels down next to him. Right next to Han.

“Ben,” she whispers as softly as she can.

Even though she knows she can’t touch him, Rey reaches out and places her hands over the ones on his ears. Almost as if he feels it, his eyes shoot open and stare right at her. It throws Rey for a moment. It’s like he can see her. Like he’s the only one that can sense her in the memory. Like he’s the only one she’s real to.

Slowly he brings his hands down, not breaking the eye contact. It hurts her to see the fear in his eyes. And the pain.

“You have to let them go.” She coaxes gently, as if he’ll curl back into a ball if she raises her voice any louder. “Let them go, Ben.”

Tearing streaking down his round cheeks, he nods slowly.

Rey can see that he suddenly lets go of all the tension in his body and the hold he has on everyone shatters. One after the other, they all turn to Ben and the group, confused and angry about what just happened.

“Han, take the boy and leave.” Maz demands as kindly as she can while still keeping a stern tone. They need to get the boy away from the premises before anything else happens. Two people have already died; she didn’t need anymore to die on her watch.

Han shakes his head to clear it, and picks up Ben in his arms. The little boy wraps his arms tightly around his father, welcoming the warmth and safety that they bring. He buries his nose into Han’s neck and nuzzles, trying to burrow further away from all of the stares in the room.

 

* * *

 

Rey blinks and the scene disappears from view, falling to the darkness of the inside of her eyelids. She senses that she’s back in the Falcon. Slowly opening her eyes she finds herself sitting on the bunk by herself. Looking up, she sees Kylo at the door, bracing his hands against the frame. His fingers are clutched onto the metal too tightly to be comfortable. She can see from the way his back his expanding and contracting that he’s breathing heavy, ragged breaths.

“I didn’t take her advice.”

His voice frightens her slightly, causing her to softly gasp. She didn’t expect him to talk first after that. She figured it’d be her. “Hmm?”

“Maz... I didn’t take her advice,” he repeats, his back still turned towards her.

Rey quietly gets up from her place on the bunk and walks closer to him. She brings her hand up as if to put it on his back, but hesitates. She surprises herself with how willing she was to give him comfort without any thought, that she’d willingly have an intimate moment with him.

Rey finally musters up the courage and places her hand on his back, straight between his strong shoulder blades. “You still could.”

He gasps at the contact, or maybe it’s Rey’s belief that he’s not past saving. That even after all he’s done, he can still come back. But deep down Ben knows it’s not possible. 

“Like I told Han Solo, it’s too late.” He’s trying to keep his tough façade, but Rey sees straight through it.

“But it’s not though.”

“It is.”

“No, it’s not.” 

Kylo whips around to face Rey, causing her to back away from him slightly at his sudden burst of anger. “Yes it is!”

Regaining her mask of defiance, she steps right into his space. She's not afraid of his outbursts. She knows that they're never fully directed at her anyway. Bringing her face as close to his as she can without going onto her tiptoes, she looks him right in the eye. “No it’s not! Your family loves you and wants you back. You can always come home. All you need to do is embrace the Light instead of running from it.” 

Rey gets the feeling that he’s just listening, but not believing her words, so she decides to change tactics to see if she can get through to him.

“Your grandfather’s love for his son brought him back to the Light in the end.”

Maybe it was the wrong thing to say because Kylo throws his façade back up, becoming the emotionless warlord that Rey first met. “My grandfather was _weak_.” 

 _That’s it_. She’s had enough of his ridiculous notions about what makes a person weak or not. She brings her pointer finger up and pokes him right in the chest near his heart. 

“Now you listen to me Ben Solo. Love is not weakness. It is _strength_. And the sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be.”

He’s slightly affronted at her gall, but nonetheless doesn’t utter a word in response. He has to admit that he’s more stunned, not by what she said, but the ferocity at which she said it.

Not wanting to argue with her anymore, he lets his face slip into that gentle look that he reserves only for her. He grabs her wrist and pulls her hand away from his chest. Kylo doesn’t know what to make of it when she gasps and stares down at the hand holding hers. He could force his way across the bond to figure out what she’s thinking, but he suspects she wouldn’t be too happy about the intrusion.

“You should get some rest,” he suggests, letting go of her wrist.

Rey blinks up at him in wonder. It always amazes her how quickly his moods can change. Before she can protest, he cuts her off.

“You can sleep in here… If you want.”

“But what about--"

“The Wookiee and I can handle it. We still have a while to go. Get some rest while you can.” Seeing the reluctance on her face he adds, “I’ll come get you before we land.”

Realizing that resistance is futile, Rey walks back to the bunk and lifts the covers, climbing underneath.

Content that she actually listened to him for once without a big argument, Kylo begins to return to the cockpit where Chewie is waiting. He just makes it past the doors when Rey calls out to him.

“Ben!”

Turning back to her, he lifts an eyebrow in confusion. Why in the stars would she be calling him back?

“I... I don’t think I can sleep. Not after… you know.” Rey hesitates with her next question, worried about how he’ll react. “I was wondering if you could…” She trails off, hoping that he’ll get the gist of her request.

It would appear that he does.

Kylo’s other brow lifts to meet the one currently raised. “You want me to put you to sleep?”

“Yes… It’s just that I don’t know if I can fall asleep by myself. Not after all that I saw today.”

He understands what she means, almost too well. He nods his head and walks back into the room. When he gets to the bunk he kneels down so that he’s closer to the pillow. He looks nervous at being so close to her, or maybe it's because of her request. He's never put someone in a Force sleep before on their own free will. It's always been under wartime circumstances. Mostly capturing Resistance members to interrogate. 

“Lay back.”

Rey doesn’t take her eyes off of him as she lies down, dropping her head onto the pillow. She can’t help but swallow thickly at the intimacy of the situation.

 ** _You alright_**? He checks to see if she’s ready, unlike the last time he put her under a Force sleep.

 ** _Yeah. I’m good_**.

Kylo brings his hand up and swipes it in the air next to her temple. Slowly Rey’s eyes start to shut, the world falling black around her. The last thing she sees before the darkness takes over is Ben’s face. And those hauntingly sad but gentle eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylosroboarm on Tumblr
> 
> Leave kudos and comments! I love hearing your feedback!


	10. Two Suns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

_Kylo brings his hand up and swipes it in the air next to her temple. Slowly Rey’s eyes start to shut, the world falling black around her. The last thing she sees before the darkness takes over is Ben’s face. And those hauntingly sad but gentle eyes._

 

* * *

 

Kylo makes his way down the corridor of the Falcon. He absentmindedly strokes the walls, memories of his childhood swirling through his subconscious. Being a boy and running through this very corridor as he plays with the model X-Wing that Luke gave him. Getting piggyback rides from Chewie. His mother carrying him to bed. Han showing him all of the perfect hiding places.

Before he knows it, he’s at the bunk room where Rey’s sleeping. Shaking his head, he returns from memory lane. He doesn’t know why, but he’s unable to enter the room for a moment. Kylo just stands at the door watching Rey sleep. Her chest moving up and down gently. Her face relaxed with the corner of her lips curved into a small smile.

He wonders what she’s dreaming about to make her smile so. She looks so beautiful when she smiles. A moment after the thought runs through his head, Kylo blinks in shock. _I think she’s beautiful?_ he realizes. He never dared to allow himself to think it before, but he couldn’t stop it this time. It just popped into his mind before he could do anything about it. 

 _No_.

He can’t think she’s beautiful. He won’t let himself. Besides she hates him anyway. There’s no use in hoping she could ever think of him other than her enemy. Well, her enemy that she happens to have a Force Bond with.

He remembers that he came to see her with a reason, so he walks into the room with his shields back up. But when he reaches her he can’t help but kneel down slowly by her head. Unconsciously he begins to reach out and strokes his finger across her cheek, brushing her hair back from her face.

Oh who’s he kidding? He couldn’t stop thinking she’s beautiful even if he tried. Not that he’ll ever tell her that. It’s going right in the locked room in the back of his mind with all his other secrets.

He kneels there on the floor stroking her cheek for a few moments, just watching her sleep. He’s glad she’s finally getting a peaceful sleep. She normally wakes up with nightmares, even though she tries to hide them from him. That’s when he returns the favor and sends her calming thoughts through the bond. She never thanks him, but he knows she’s thankful for them.

Rey feels someone stroking her face and nuzzles into the touch, still half asleep. Opening her eyes, she notices that Ben is right in her face. Without thinking, she instinctively throws her fist out and punches him right in the nose.

“ _Kriff_!” he yelps, falling backward onto the ground. His eyes naturally swell with tears as he grabs his nose.

Rey’s hands fly to her mouth to cover up her gasp. Bolting up in the bed, she looks down at him. “Maker I’m so so so sorry! Is it bleeding?” He doesn’t even need to move his hands before she sees the blood trickling profusely down the side of his face. “Oh…oh yeah, it’s bleeding… I can get you something for that!” 

She jumps off of the bed intending to find something to press against his nose to stop the bleeding, but accidentally trips over him, ramming her foot into his side.

“Rey!” He whimpers in pain, curling into his soon-to-be bruised side, his hands continuing to clutch his nose. 

“Sorry, sorry!”

Righting herself, she looks around the room for a rag, but there’s nothing in the immediate vicinity that she can give him. Suddenly an idea comes to Rey’s mind. She reaches down and rips the bottom part of her shirt and bunches it up.

Rey kneels down beside Ben, but not holding the ripped up piece of her shirt out to him. He looks at her confused for a moment. She’s not handing it to him. 

Oh.

Realizing what she’s about to do, he sits up very slowly and leans towards her, still holding his nose. She’s biting her lip as she slowly extends her hand out with the rag. Tentatively, he takes his hands away and lays them facing up on his thighs. He’s knows he should probably wipe them off, but he was brought up well enough to not just rub them on his pants. Sure his pants are black, but he can wait to clean his hands up for an actual fresher.

Without really looking him in the eye, she reaches out and gently presses the piece of her shirt to his nose. He unconsciously flinches at the touch, whether from the pain or the intimacy of the action. He just watches her silently as she slowly dabs at his nose to stop the bleeding. Kylo can’t help but swallow thickly as he stares into her eyes, even though she’s not staring into his. She's too focused on her task though he suspects she’s also purposefully avoiding his gaze. 

“Is it broken?” Her question shakes him out of his trance.

“No… I don’t believe so,” he assures her. She doesn’t seem comforted, so he decides to reach out across the bond. 

 ** _Really_**. **_I’m ok_**.

She shakes her head but still looks slightly worried. Rey’s worried about him? Internally, he laughs it off. That’s an insane thought. He’s stupid to even think that that would ever be a possibility. Rey will never be worried about him, because to be worried about someone you have to care about them, and there’s no way she cares about him.

“You know… you have a pretty good right hook there, Sweetheart.” He smirks faintly as he says it, a tinge of pride shining through the cracks.

Feeling oddly proud, she blushes and looks down at her knees. “…Thanks.”

Rey looks back up at him, still holding the rag to his nose. “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean… It’s just that on Jakku you learned to sleep with one eye open and I was just sleeping so deeply because you put me to sleep. Well I asked you to put me to sleep, but that’s neither here nor there. But I was sleeping so deeply that it freaked me out that you were right there when I woke up. Not that you freak me out or anything. Well you used to, but not anymore,” she spits out, not realizing how fast she’s talking.

“Rey… _Rey_!” he interrupts her rant.

She looks startled when he yells her name, but she shuts up nonetheless.

“You’re babbling.” 

“Oh… Sorry.”

Ben looks at her with those intense eyes of his. The ones that always shake her to the core. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me… And you don’t have to say you’re sorry to me. Ever.” He points to his head. “I know when you’re sorry.” 

Furrowing her brow, she blinks at him in bewilderment. Why does he have to do that? Be nice to her when she doesn’t want him to. It just makes her more confused about him. She just punched him in the nose! He should be furious with her. Normally he would be furious with her… Why isn’t he furious with her?

“Ok,” she whispers staring at him, trying to figure the dark knight out.

His nose appears to have stopped bleeding so Rey pulls her hand and the rag away and goes to put it in her lap when she remembers his hands, still covered in blood from his nose. Grabbing them impulsively, she starts to wipe the blood off of them.

Kylo goes quiet as he watches her clean his hands. She doesn’t have to do that. He could’ve gone to the fresher on the ship and washed them, which he still probably will to fully clean them off. Can’t have any blood she might accidently miss getting on the Falcon’s upholstery. Han would return from the dead and kill him. Forget Han. Chewie would kill him, and Maker knows he probably wants to anyway. He doesn’t need any more reasons to.

“There,” she says, finishing up with his hands. Rey lets go of them and bunches the blood soaked rag into a tiny ball.

Blinking at the loss of contact, Kylo remembers why he came into the room in the first place. “Oh yeah. Umm... We’re almost there.” He gets up off of the floor. “I told you I’d come get you.”

Kylo holds his hand out to Rey to help her up. She hesitates for a moment before grabbing it. He pulls her up and she loses her balance for a moment, falling into his chest.

“Oh,” she squeaks out in a gasp.

His hands wrap around her arms to steady her. Getting her footing, she coughs and pulls away quickly, as if she’s nervous to be that close to him. She doesn’t know why, but she can’t seem to look at him in the eye after she pulls away. She hates that she can feel the blood rushing to her cheeks. Hopefully he can’t see it. She puts on a calm mask as she hides her embarrassment from bleeding across the bond. He’d never let her live it down if he sensed it. 

Kylo coughs as well. “Ummm.” Shaking his head, “We should be landing soon, so I’m going to head back to the cockpit.”

“Yeah, you do that!” she says a little too loudly. Rey looks away, mortified that she just practically yelled in his face. What is he doing to her? 

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

He nods then awkwardly turns to leave. Kylo turns back at her, opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but then closes it and shakes his head and walks out the door. 

Letting go of a big breath, Rey collapses back onto the bunk. Maker he confuses her all the time. He is the most perplexing man she’s ever met. And it infuriates her. She wants so badly to hate him, like she used to, like she _should_ , but she can’t. Why can’t she?

 

* * *

 

Rey strolls into the cockpit a few minutes later, after composing herself. Quietly, she slides into the chair behind Ben and straps in. Both Ben and Chewie are focusing on trying to land the Falcon on the planet before them. All Rey sees is orange sand.

“This looks a lot like Jakku.”

 _No_.

 _He wouldn’t_. 

“It’s not,” he says, not even turning around to her. **_I wouldn’t make you go back to that hellhole_**. 

A tiny smile worms its way to the corner of her mouth at his statement, which makes her duck her head to hide it from him. Him and Chewie punch in the landing sequence and expertly lower the ship onto the ground.

“If it’s not Jakku, then where are we?”

“Tatooine,” he states stoutly, unbuckling himself and getting out of his seat.

Rey’s eyes go wide. Is he kidding? He better be kidding. Maybe she heard him wrong. “Tatooine?”

He pauses at the door out of the cockpit. “Yeah.”

She blinks twice before unbuckling herself clumsily. “Are you insane? A whole galaxy and you picked _Tatooine_?” she says, following him out into the hallway. “How stupid can you be?”

He stops mid-walk and turns to glare at her. “They’re not going to find us here.”

“Oh? Oh they won’t find us? This is the planet where both your uncle and grandfather grew up, and you don’t think that Snoke will be able to figure out that we came here?" 

Kylo’s eyes narrow even farther, if that’s at all possible. But Rey is pissed. How could he bring them here? The First Order is bound to locate them here. It’s only a matter of time before they find them.

“Why the kriff would you bring us here? The place that’s so closely tied with your family?”

He just rolls his eyes and walks away from her.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Out there.”

Rey’s eyes re-widen. “Oh no you’re not. We have to stay together and figure out our next move. We can’t stay here.”

He makes his way to the hatch door, barely listening to her. 

She pauses, realizing why he chose to bring them here. “The reason you picked Tatooine because you want to get closer to your grandfather. Isn't it?” He just ignores her and presses the button to open the hatch. “ _I’m right_! This is just all about your weird obsession with Vader! Oh I could just kill you… you, you… _you nerf herder_!” 

Before she has time to react, she feels the searing heat from his red-hot saber right beneath her chin. Any closer and he would’ve burned a hole right through her neck. Trying not to look scared, Rey juts out her chin in an attempt to look brave. She won’t let him intimidate her.

Kylo’s trying hard to contain his anger, but it’s not working very well. “ _Never call me that again_ ,” he sneers out, emphasizing each word. Without another word, he extinguishes the saber and begins to walk down the ramp.

Putting on a mask of defiance, Rey calls out, “What? _Another one of your parents’ precious pet names_?”

Her mocking forces him to come to an abrupt stop. His fists clench as if he’s trying not to lose all control and break something, or someone. His rage is practically burning across the thread that connects their minds. Thankfully his saber stays turned off. He takes a deep breath then stomps away, letting one thought travel across the bond.

 ** _Yes_**.

Rey’s jaw, as well as her anger, drops.

 _Kriff_.

She instantly regrets her taunt. She doesn’t know why she said it. It was cruel of her and she shouldn’t have done it. And now he’s walked off to Maker knows where on a planet neither of them have ever been to.

Chewie roars all of a sudden, catching her attention. He’s asking where Ben went, even though she figures he’s been there the whole time.

“Oh, shut up.” Her cheek redden at the thought that the Wookiee just witnessed her demean the boy he’s known since Ben was born. On top of that, she did it by insulting Han and Leia. Luke would be absolutely ashamed of her. Hell, she’s ashamed of herself.

She lets out a huge sigh. “Stay here… I’m going to go find him.”

Chewie roars back in confirmation, but she can tell he’s worried about her wandering about by herself.

“I’ll be fine. Someone has to stay with the Falcon.” He nods his head. 

Rey walks down the ramp to find that Ben is nowhere to be found. “Ben!” She looks all around to see if she can spot him in the distance. “ _Ben_!”

It’s no use. He’s disappeared. “Damn your long legs,” she mutters under her breath.

That’s when she notices the large footprints in the sand. Resigning herself to the long walk, she starts off in the direction that he went.

 

* * *

 

It’s dusk by the time that Rey sees him in the distance. He’s kneeling in front of an adobe hut. He appears to be talking, but she can’t hear what he’s saying.

“Help me, Grandfather… I feel it again, stronger than ever. I need your help… I don't know what to do anymore. Help me feel the power of the darkness...  _Please_.” 

Kylo waits, hoping that something will come to him. That something will answer his plea. But nothing happens. Absolute silence.

In a rage of desperation, Kylo beats his fists on the ground, sand flying around everywhere. His breath is ragged, his chest expanding in an erratic pattern. He brings his hands up and clenches his fists in his hair, tugging at his locks.

Just before Rey reaches him, he lets out a bloodcurdling yell. She can feel the pain and anger flowing through him like a hurricane. His emotions are so palpable that she feels like she’s suffocating from the weight of them pressing on her chest and her mind.

Braving herself, she steps closer to him, but doesn’t touch him. She doesn’t want to set him off again. She knows he knows she’s there, but he doesn’t acknowledge her presence or that she just witnessed his breakdown. 

“Are you alright?” It’s probably a dumb question, but she asks anyway.

Kylo doesn’t answer her. He just glares at the hut in front of him, his breath still heavy.

“Ben, please talk to me.” He still doesn’t answer so she keeps her distance. “Look, I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I wasn’t thinking and—”

“Just drop it,” he interrupts her stoically, still not acknowledging her.

“No. I won't. I need you to know that—”

“ _Just drop it, Scavenger_ ,” Kylo snaps. He’s quickly losing his patience with her. Well the little that he has at the moment.

Rey doesn’t know why, but it hurts when he calls her that. It's no longer Rey, it's no longer  _Sweetheart_. In an instant they've retreated to how they used to be. It’s like any progress they made in this past little while has just disintegrated before her eyes. She's disheartened but Rey doesn’t retreat. She knows that this isn’t the boy who gives her gentle eyes. The boy who saved her life. Who stroked her face with loving hands.

This is the boy who hates himself and is mad at the world. The boy who lashes out. She knows he’s not mad at her.

Slowly, as if not to scare him away, she gets closer and kneels in front of him, just like she did in his memory. His eyes are unfocused as he looks past her at the hut. His nose is now a dark shade of purple from her fist, bruising up around the bottom of his eyes.

“Ben, look at me. _Please look at me_.”

He doesn’t move his eyes to her, so she grabs his chin. “Look at—” She turns his head so that she’s looking him in the eyes when she realizes just how close their faces are. “—me,” she gasps out. 

He’s frozen, just staring at her face. Not being able to help herself, she glances down at his lips. Those full, pink lips of his. Vaguely she thinks of what it might be like to kiss those lips.

Rey blinks and shakes her head, breaking out of her thoughts. Why in the stars would she think that? It’s purely insane. Maker, _what is happening to her_?

Now that he’s looking at her, she rips away from him, leaning back on her heels. For a brief second she panics that he heard her thoughts. She reaches across the bond to find that he’s pretty closed up from his breakdown. _Oh thank the Force_. Breathing a sigh of relief, she brings her attention back to him.

“I really am sorry… If I had known I wouldn’t have said anything. It was stupid and insensitive of me. And I’m sorry.” She bites her lip just waiting for him to say something, hoping that he’ll accept her apology. They won’t get much done if he continues to ignore her because he’s pissed off at her.

He’s silent for a minute, like he’s debating with himself in his mind.

“ _I know_.”

Rey instantly lets go of the breath that she was holding. Closing her eyes, she savors the fact that he’s talking to her again. She hated that he ignored her, even if it was only for a while. She’s become so used to him being a part of her life recently that she felt like she was slowly breaking inside. She really needs to watch what she says around him. He like a ticking bomb that she has to tiptoe around or else he'll self destruct.

Kylo gives her those gentle eyes and she knows that she’s really forgiven. She also recognizes that that’s his way of apologizing for taking his anger out on her. She gives him a small half smile in return, then turns away from him and sits on the ground next to him. 

They sit there in a silence for a few minutes watching the hut, just letting the peace wash over them. Behind them the two suns of Tatooine are slowly setting, casting an orange glow on the pair.

“This was their home,” Kylo says, breaking the serenity.

Rey’s brows furrow together. “Luke lived here?” 

“Yes. And so did my grandfather for a short time.” He pauses for a moment. “I thought that if I came here he’d come to me. I felt drawn to this place…I’m stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.”

“Oh so now you don’t think I’m stupid?” He raises an eyebrow at her, enjoying watching her squirm.

“I… I didn’t mean it like that,” she quickly spits out, embarrassed that he’s making fun of her. “But you have to know that Snoke will eventually figure out we’re here.”

He drops the smirk from his face. “I know.”

Kylo gets this strangely peaceful look on his face all of a sudden, forgetting the ominous feeling of them being found. “You know, my grandmother came here once… with my grandfather.”

Rey smiles gently at the soft look of joy on his face. He looks handsome when he’s not scowling all the time.

“Really?”

“Yeah… They were hiding out here. My grandfather was assigned as her personal guard after there was an assassination attempt on her life. She was there for him when my great grandmother died.” 

“How do you know any of that?” She figured that he wouldn’t know much about his maternal grandmother since she died giving birth to his mother and uncle.

“Obi Wan told Luke.”

The name makes Rey’s eyebrows furrow together. “Obi Wan? Who’s Obi Wan?”

“Luke didn’t tell you about Obi Wan?” He scoffs. “Figures.”

He gets up off of the ground, dusting himself off. Kylo holds his hand out to Rey so that he can pull her up off the ground.

“Come on. Let’s go inside. This is a long story.”

She grabs his hand firmly, this time without hesitating. He lifts her to her feet effortlessly.

“Besides, it’s getting dark and we don’t want to be wandering back to the Falcon at night. You of all people know how cold desert planets get when the sun goes down.”

Letting go of her hand, he turns and walks into the small home. Rey takes a moment to look around. She suddenly feels a foreign presence in the Force. It's not threatening though. It actually makes her feel completely calm, like the two of them are being protected by someone. Letting the relaxing feeling wash over her, she follows Ben into the hut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylosroboarm on Tumblr
> 
> Leave kudos and comments! I love hearing your comments and feedback! Tell me if you like the chapter!


	11. Suppressor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

_“Come on. Let’s go inside. This is a long story.” She grabs his hand firmly and he lifts her to her feet effortlessly. “Besides, it’s getting dark and we don’t want to be wandering back to the Falcon at night. You know how cold desert planets can get when the sun goes down.”_

 

* * *

 

They walk down the stairs into the central part of the homestead. It’s an open area with doors and archways leading to different rooms of the house. Scattered around are old moisture vaporators that appear to be rusted from 30 years of non-use. It’s quickly becoming dark so they have to work fast.

“See if you can find the power generator. We need to get the heat on or we’ll freeze tonight,” Kylo delegates, already scanning the area. 

The two of them split up to find the generator, both heading in different directions.

Rey opens the door to the left of the stairs. It’s a fairly dark room, but she can still see the glimmering reflection of the sunset on metal. Pushing her way through boxes and clutter, she reaches the piece of machinery. She touches it to get a vague idea of what it is, but it’s too dark to know for sure.

 ** _I think I found it_**. 

 ** _Be right there_**.

She settles into a calm silence waiting for Ben to get there. Her mind wanders to how different their dynamic has become in just a few days. For Maker’s sake, just two days ago they were arguing on Ahch-To. Now they’re running for their lives together, trying to hide from the First Order. Everything’s changing so fast, and Rey doesn’t know how she feels about it. How she feels about _him_. 

The sound of a lightsaber igniting snaps her back to reality. She looks up and Ben’s at the door, his saber casting a red glow upon his face. Whereas when he held it before he looked terrifying to her, now he looks just powerful. 

“Where is it?” 

Rey moves out of the way so that he can take a look at the generator. She goes to sit on one of the boxes and watches him as he begins to examine what she found.

Kylo kneels down, holding his saber up so that he can properly see the power source. Realizing that it’s hard to do both at the same time, he wedges his saber between two boxes next to him so he can use both of his hands. He begins to fiddle with the piece of tech, trying to turn it on.

“Go see if you can find some blankets while I do this.” He turns his head to look at Rey and nods to the other rooms in the house. “Just in case this piece of junk decides it’s not going to work.”

“Got it.”

She sets out to go find supplies, but as she reaches he door he calls out, “Rey!” Turning back to him, she gives him a questioning look.

“Don’t take long. With the power out, the motion detectors don’t work.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Motion detectors?”

“They detect intruders like the Raiders. Sets off an alarm when someone gets too close to the house… I can’t protect you if I’m stuck in here.”

Rey’s slightly shocked that he’s still upholding his promise to Luke to protect her. She thought he would’ve dropped the act the moment they left Ahch-To. Unless it’s not an act at all…

She nods her head and leaves the room. She heads across the opening to the alcove across from the generator room. Walking under the archway she finds a kitchen. There’s a white table in the middle of the room with four chairs surrounding it.

Well she’s not going to have any luck finding blankets in the kitchen, so Rey forgets about the room and moves on to a different one. There has to be blankets somewhere around here. Then again maybe the stormtroopers burned them when they came for Luke’s aunt and uncle all those years ago, but she quickly pushes those thoughts from her head. Thinking about her master’s aunt and uncle makes her think about Luke, and it’s distracts her from her task. 

Before she gets to the next room she decides to check in on Ben to see if he’s made any progress.

**_Any luck?_ **

**_No. This damn thing is being temperamental. Probably hasn’t been turned on in 35 years._ **

She can feel his anger spike like he just hit the machine in frustration. She can feel the slight pounding in her hand, feeling the pain from his hand smacking against metal through the bond.

**_How about you?_ **

**_No… But I did find the kitchen._** Rey feels oddly optimistic about that even though it should be the last thing on her mind. Always trying to find the positive in any situation.

**_Well seeing as we don’t have any food to cook, that doesn’t exactly help us._ **

His _attitude_ isn’t helping anyone. It’s only succeeding in pissing her off like he always manages to do. It’s kind of like how she always manages to piss him off. It just takes less for him to get riled up than her. She has a little more self-restraint in that area.

**_Oh just go back to fixing the generator._ **

**_Fine!_ **

**_Fine!_ **

She knows she sounds like a petulant child, but if he’s willing to act like one, then so is she. Maybe Luke was right. Maybe they do act like children when they fight. Silently, she wonders if he’s always been like that. Always picking little fights with other people just because he can. It’s like he never grew up.

 ** _Rey. Focus._**  

 _Oops_. 

Her thoughts were flooding through her mind so quickly that she forgot the bond was wide open from their conversation. _Maker, I hope he didn’t hear any of that_ , she thinks as she closes her eyes for a moment. He wouldn’t take too well to her calling him a petulant man-child.

Regaining her focus, she forgets about her embarrassment and resumes her mission of finding blankets.

The next room she finds is a tech garage. There are a few desks along the sides and a chair next to one of them. Along the back wall are what Rey assumes to be ports for small speeders. This place probably hasn’t seen any speeders in quite some time though.

Walking through the room, she notices a model ship sitting on one of the desks: a T-16 Skyhopper. She goes over and picks it up carefully, not wanting to break it. Who knows how fragile it could be after lying there for three decades.

Rey can’t believe she is touching one of Luke’s possessions from his old life. Before he got caught up in saving the galaxy from the Empire. Before he knew about the Force and Vader. She handles it with such extreme care, almost like it’s a piece of him, like his life is in her hands. 

Seeing the ship causes Rey’s thoughts to shift to Luke again. This time she lets herself have a moment to grieve for her master. Is he even alive? They left him for the stormtroopers. What if he didn’t make it off the island? She hasn’t been able to sense him since they left. As much as she wants to reach out to him through the Force, she knows it might be dangerous. Snoke is probably watching everywhere, trying to locate the two of them. Especially Ben.

A cool breeze wafts through the room, reminding her that she needs to quickly find blankets and get back to Ben. Placing the Skyhopper down gently, she leaves the garage in pursuit of something to keep them warm. No matter how much she wants to bring the ship with her, she realizes that it belongs here, in his family home. Like a final resting place. It’s almost Rey’s way of saying goodbye to Luke just in case she never sees him again.

Taking a right, she opens the door and finally finds one of the living quarters on the property. Walking over to the bunks, she doesn’t see any blankets. Rey searches the whole room top to bottom. Looking under beds, in boxes. Nothing. Finally, she finds a hide away closet and opens the door. 

Yes!

Packed away in a box are three Bantha wool blankets. Rey picks up the box and quickly leaves the room, not even bothering to shut the door behind her. She needs to get back to Ben. 

Kylo is still tinkering away at the generator when Rey gets back to the room. She drops the box on the ground, startling him from his focused concentration. He wipes the small amount of sweat from his forehead with his sleeve.

“Still can’t get it?” Obviously he hasn’t gotten it to work, but Rey still feels the need to ask it. Or maybe she just wants to annoy him a little bit for the fun of it.

“No. The kriffing thing just wants to stay broken.”

His frustration is practically radiating off of him. Rey never thought he’d be taken down by a piece of machinery. It’s pretty funny when she thinks of it, but she keeps it to herself so he doesn’t get mad.

“Can I try?” 

Kylo looks at her surprised, like he wasn’t expecting her to offer. He moves out of the way for her. “I guess… But if I can’t fix it, I don’t see why you’d be able to.”

Rey gets down by the generator and stares at it closely, trying to figure out the problem. Her brows are furrowed in concentration. Unconsciously, she bits on her lip.

She looks over to Ben’s saber that’s still lodged between two boxes. Grabbing it, she holds it out to him. “Here. Hold this close so I can see what I’m doing… But don’t burn me.”

He rolls his eyes but listens to her, bending down closely and holding up the red source of light.

Squinting her eyes, she sees something behind all of the wires in the body of the generator. Rey shimmies her arm all the way up to her shoulder and feels around for the problem.

“I still don’t think you’ll be able to—”

Before he can finish his sentence, Rey rips her arm out of the generator and with it comes a small disk with wires connected to it. The moment her hand is free, all the lights in the room spring to life, and a quiet whirring noise comes from the machine, signaling it’s working. 

She holds the disk up at him with a large smile on her face. “It’s fixed.”

“I can see that, Sweetheart,” he says in a condescending tone as he raises an eyebrow to her. Rey knows he’s also covering his wounded pride with snark. He extinguishes his saber, as he no longer needs it. “But how did you do it?”

“It was simple. I just disabled the suppressor.”

Kylo just gives her a dumbfounded look. Wow, he feels stupid. He’s usually so good at destroying things and yet he couldn’t rip out a kriffing suppressor from a power generator.

As if she’s listening in on his thoughts, Rey pipes up, “It’s ok. It was a very small space and your arm probably wouldn’t have been able to fit anyway.”

Ok so that didn’t really help like she planned for it to. He glares at her without any real anger. But he can’t stay annoyed at her because she _did_ make sure they aren’t going to freeze to death tonight.

Even though the power is on, it’s still cold since the heater hasn’t had time to warm the place up yet. He notices Rey’s beginning to shiver, so he walks over to the box that Rey brought with her and opens it, taking out one of the blankets. Going over to her, he gently places the blanket around her shoulders, making sure her upper body is completely covered from the cold air. 

She gives him those tender eyes that are reserved for when she’s very vulnerable. Those eyes that can make him bend to her every whim if used properly. Those eyes that make him feel like she doesn’t see him as a monster.

“Thanks,” she whispers almost shyly. 

She gives him a half-smile and walks over to the box as well. Taking out another blanket, she brings it over to Ben and holds it out to him nervously.

Realizing that she’s returning the favor, he bends his knees in order for her to be able to reach his shoulders. Rey lays the blanket around him just like he did with her. When she pulls her hands back they accidentally stroke his chest, causing them both to freeze on the spot. That was a little more intimate than they’re used to being with each other. 

Frazzled, Rey takes a step back and looks at the ground. “There. Now you’ll be warm too.”

Ben doesn’t respond. He just stares at her with those intense eyes like he’s trying to figure her out. Attempting to end the awkwardness, Rey starts heading towards the door.

“I found where we can sleep tonight.”

Beckoning him with her hand, she leaves and heads towards the sleeping quarters she found earlier. Rey doesn’t look back, knowing that he’ll follow right behind her.

She pushes the door open and spread her arms out wide like she’s unveiling a surprise to him, all while still keeping the blanket on her shoulders.

All Kylo does is stare at the room with furrowed brows and pursed lips.

“You want us to share?” 

“Yes…” The thought never crossed her mind that they _wouldn't_ share.

Her answer makes his face scrunch even more. Who is she and what did she do with the real Rey? The scavenger he knows would never share a room with him.

Rolling her eyes at him and his inner thoughts, she plops down on one of the bunks. “It’s not like we’re sharing a bed. It’s just a room. I have my bunk and you have yours.” 

“Aren’t you afraid I’ll kill you in your sleep?” He’s standing by the door awkwardly, not entering the room all the way. Standing by his escape exit. It’s like he’s debating on whether or not to run away.

She doesn’t know if he’s legitimately confused at her proposal of sharing the room or he’s just being a pain in the ass on purpose.

“No. I’m not.” 

“And why not? Like you said, you know what I’m capable of.”

She gives him a condescending look, just like the ones he always gives her. “Because, if you wanted to kill me, I’d already be dead... And I’m not... So we can conclude that you don’t want to kill me. Therefore, I’m not afraid of you.”

He seems to accept her answer and fully enters the room shutting the door behind him to keep the cold air out. Kylo sits down on the bunk across from her stiff as a board. Rey just rolls her eyes. If he wants to sit there uncomfortable then that's fine, but she’s going to lie down and try and get a good night’s rest. She lies down on the bunk and places the blanket from her shoulders over her entire body, curling up as small as she can to conserve body heat. The only part of her visible to Ben is from her nose up.

Kylo can’t help but think she’s adorable when she cocoons up like that. Shutting down his thoughts from leaking across the bond, and frankly just getting them out of his head since he can’t afford to think like that, he lies down on his bunk. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of Rey. Laying on his side, he holds his head up in his hand.

He’s surprised that she hasn’t closed her eyes yet. Maker knows she’s probably exhausted from following his across the desert earlier. She’s just lying there watching his movements just like he’s watching hers.

“You promised me you’d tell me about Obi Wan.”

Oh.

 _That’s_ why she hasn’t fallen asleep yet. 

“You don’t want to hear it tonight. It’s a really long story.”

“You promised.” 

Not being able to tell her no, Kylo sits up in his bed and rewraps the blanket around his shoulders. He leans back onto the wall, relaxing as much as he can. If he has to tell this story he might as well be comfortable. Because Maker knows the story is in no way comfortable. 

“So I did.”

Rey doesn’t emerge from her cocoon, but she does stick her head out a bit more so she’s able to hear without it being muffled by the thick woolen blanket.

“It all starts with a slave boy and his mother…”

 

* * *

 

“… Then a year later I was born. And well you know what happened after that.”

He trails off at the end, suddenly becoming almost awkward to be talking about his fall to the darkness. Rey doesn’t know how to respond, so she just sits there for a moment, staring at him.

Shaking her head, she finally finds her voice. “Wow… That is one dysfunctional family.” It’s not the nicest or most tactful response she could say, but it’s the one that comes out of her mouth before she can take it back.

Strangely, it doesn’t offend Ben. To Rey’s surprise, he actually chokes out a laugh. She stares as his cheeks split into two, all of his teeth becoming visible to her. 

She thinks she might’ve just imagined it, but then he continues to laugh. All Rey can do is sit and stare, completely mesmerized by the sounds coming out of him. She’s never seen him so joyful before. Hell, she’s never even seen him smile before. He’s rather handsome when he smiles. Wait. _No_. She can’t think he’s handsome. He’s on the Dark Side. He killed Han. He’s a monster.

Or is he?

She doesn’t even know anymore. She doesn’t know how she feels about him anymore. On one hand she can’t forget all he’s done, and on the other, he confuses the hell out of her with the way he acts around her. It’s like he cares, and she doesn’t know what to think about that.

She must be giving him a weird face because he stops laughing and asks, “What?”

Shaking out of her thoughts, she brings her focus back to reality. “Nothing.”

He can sense she’s trying to avoid the question, so he asks again. “What?”

“It’s just... I’ve never seen you smile before… not to mention _laugh_.” He appears to get self conscious about her comment. She knows that the tips of his ears are probably bright red. “You should do it more.”

Kylo gives her a skeptical look. “I don’t have much to smile about these days, Sweetheart.” 

His snark makes her give him a half-smile. It’s a morbid joke, but then again, all of his attempts at jokes tend to be morbid. And Rey’s finding that she has a slight affinity for cynicism.

Her brows furrow suddenly. “Ben… Can I ask you something?”

He doesn’t even seem fazed. “Shoot.”

“In your memory…” She hesitates, not knowing if she wants to continue the question. Rey swallows, gaining her courage. “In your memory, it seemed almost like you, well younger you… could see me… But that’s impossible, right? You’ve reminded me over and over again how I’m not really there. So it wouldn’t make sense that you saw me.”

Kylo instantly tenses up. He was hoping she wouldn’t ask about that. Even if he tells her, he doubts she’ll believe him. After all, his parents and Luke never believed him.

He tries to think of a way to escape having to answer her, but the innocent, curious look on her face makes him cave. He’s quickly learning that he’s incapable of denying her anything. Damn his compassion for her. And damn the girl.

He gets up from the small bed to pace around, needing to release the tension building up in his body. Rey doesn’t rush him. She sits there patiently, waiting for him to calm down enough to answer her.

Kylo doesn’t know if her patience helps or makes him tenser. He has no clue how she feels about him. One minute she’s pissed off and yelling at him, and the next she’s nice to him like she doesn’t hate his guts.

Coming to a stop, he gets a reminiscent look on his face. He’s remembering all of the dreams and visions he had. All about a woman. A masked woman in sand colored clothes. 

He opens and closes his mouth a few times, not sure how to start. “Ummm… When I was a young boy I used to have visions. They mostly happened in my sleep, but then they started occurring when I was awake.”

He begins to pace for the second time, becoming agitated yet again. Out of the corner of his eye he can see that Rey’s still sitting there silently, patiently listening to him.

“They were always of this woman… I never knew who she was. Her face was covered by goggles and rags… But she was always so peaceful. She somehow knew how to calm me down during my fits… She was just so _light_ … She would make the voices go away…” He trails off, almost nervous that he’s revealing too much. 

Rey doesn’t seem fazed by any of the information. She looks at him with that soft look she gives him sometimes. That look that makes him crumple into a pile.

“I would see this woman wherever. She’d randomly pop up whenever she wanted. It was almost like she knew when I needed calming down.” 

He suddenly becomes really quiet, turning around so that he’s not facing her. He just stares at the trinkets on the shelves. 

“I never knew who she was… at least… not until I met… you.”

Rey’s eyes immediately widen, shock striking through her body. What is he talking about?

Kylo looks back at her, his eyes showing her his apprehension at how she’ll react. Before she can say something he adds, “I wasn’t sure it was you at first… but something felt familiar. _I had to know_ … so I took you…”

Rey’s head begins to shake involuntarily, her mind not being able to comprehend anything he’s saying. Why would he do that? Is he a complete idiot? Her anger spikes making her shoot up from lying down on the bed. She refuses to look at him because she knows she might hurt him if she does.  

“You, you... you don’t just _take_ people, Ben!”

He rushes over to her and kneels down in front of her in an attempt to appease her anger before she blows up at him. 

“I know that. But it _was_ you! I was right! _You were real_! They all said I was making up a woman, that I just had an overactive imagination, but you’re real! _I was right_!” he spits rapidly out with a slightly deranged look on his face.

His face suddenly becomes more sorrowful. “I wasn’t crazy. I was _right_ ,” he whispers, more to himself than to Rey. He lets his head drop so that his chin is to his chest and his eyes are pointed towards the floor.

Rey gets the feeling that he’s trying to convince himself more than her. Her heart begins to break for him, tears welling into the corners of her eyes. Not for Kylo Ren. But the little boy who was seeing things in his head and hearing voices, and no one believed him until it was too late. Her heart breaks for the little boy who comes into her dreams and only wants a friend, someone who listens to him.

He doesn’t react when Rey turns and places her feet on the ground, angling herself to face him better. Bravely reaching out, she lightly lifts his chin with her fingers, bringing his eyes back up to hers.

“So you were right. But what does that have to do with you seeing me in your memories?” she asks in that gentle way she always seems to use when he’s being exceptionally vulnerable with her. When he’s being Ben Solo.

He takes a moment to get over the fact that she’s holding his chin in her hands. Kylo’s surprised to find out that her hands are actually very soft. He thought they’d be rough after all those years scavenging on Jakku.

“I technically _did_ see you… it just wasn’t you in the sense you are now. It was the masked woman. She came to me that day in Maz’s castle. _You_ came to me that day… So I was looking at you, just not _you_." 

“Like how I saw you when I touched Luke’s lightsaber even though I had no clue who you were.”

“Exactly. Just like that.”

She takes her hand away from his face and places it in her lap, deep in thought. “Then when did you know that it was me? That I was the woman from your visions?”

His face instantly brightens slightly. “That's an easy one. I knew the moment you stole that saber from me.”

“I didn’t steal it!” 

He just ignores her interruption. He did it on purpose to get a rise out of her. “I had a dream about it when I was very young… I remember the woman in the snow with a saber poised in her hands… and well… when it sailed into your hands everything clicked in my mind. I had no doubt that you were the woman from my dreams. Granted, you were a lot younger than I was expecting.”

Rey can’t help it. His comment makes her laugh quietly. He certainly inherited his dry humor form Han. And the lack of tact.

Her laugh turns into a yawn, the long day finally catching up with her.

Kylo gets up from his place in front of her, stretching his limbs out from being crouched for so long. "You should get some rest." He walks over to his bed and climbs in it, bringing the blanket up to his chest. His toes stick out of the end slightly. 

Rey nods her head and lies back down, cocooning back up like before, only her head poking out of the blanket. Settling into the warmth, she closes her eyes and prepares for sleep. The last thing she pictures before sleep claims her is Ben staring at her with those intense eyes. His face begins to distort into the little boy in her dreams.

Kylo lies there in bed for a while, just watching as Rey's chest lightly moves up and down. The woman from his dreams is sleeping four feet away from him. What has his life become? He went from being a feared warlord learning the ways of the Dark Side to fleeing from the First Order on his father's old ship with the woman who should be his enemy. But deep down, he never saw her as his enemy, and he knows he never will. He's tried. He's tried to hate her, tried to want her dead... but his heart's never in it. Deep down, he can never hate the scavenger from Jakku. The girl from his dreams. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a callback to something Rey did in The Force Awakens. Can anyone guess what it is? Write it in the comment section below!
> 
> Leave kudos and comments! I love hearing your comments and feedback! Tell me if you like the chapter!
> 
> kylosroboarm on Tumblr


	12. The Jacket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

Rey opens her eyes and finds herself in the middle of a field. She’s lying down on the soft grass, looking up at the clouds rolling by in the sky. At last, some peace and quiet. She’s forgotten how simple her life used to be. Sure she was alone on Jakku, but at least the whole galaxy’s fate didn’t rest in her hands.

She lies there for moment, just taking in everything around her. The feeling of the grass beneath her hands, the breeze cooling her face, the Force swirling through every thing. She’s about to close her eyes when an arm pops up beside her pointing at the clouds, followed by a giggle. Her head whips to the side at the sound. 

_“Ben?”_

Laying beside her is the young boy who haunts her dreams, laughing at the shapes the clouds are forming in the sky. Hearing his name, he turns to her and looks at her with those innocent eyes. The eyes that do not yet hold the sadness that they do now. 

The little boy gives her a mischievous smile before leaping up from the ground, ready to play.

“Catch me, Rey!”

He begins to run away from her, so Rey hurriedly gets to her feet and tries to follow him, completely baffled by the little boy who just wants to have some fun.

“Ben!” He doesn’t respond or turn around, just laughs and keeps wandering into the distance, intent on playing the game with her. “Ben, where are you going?”

Rey doesn’t know why, but she suddenly starts to panic that he won’t answer her. Her chest starts to feel tight, and her need to catch the boy becomes greater.

The two of them come across a hedge maze in the middle of a field. Without minding Rey, Ben runs into the maze. “Find me, Rey!” he yells back to her, making the game harder for her.

“Ben, no!” She follows him into the maze, where he’s completely disappeared. “Ben! Ben, where are you?”

No luck. Even the sounds of giggling have faded away into nothing. Rey looks back from where she came from to find that the entrance to the maze is now gone. She’s completely lost in the rows of hedges.

“Find me, Rey.” The phrase is repeating itself, this time from an older voice. A more familiar voice.

She wanders around the maze, trying to find the voice, or just a way out, when she notices how dark it’s become. All the light seems to have been sucked from the sky, leaving her to fumble her way through the labyrinth. She comes to a stop when a cold breeze drifts by her followed by the sound of an old, raspy ventilator. She turns towards the sound quickly, but there’s nothing there. 

Becoming panicked, she begins to make her way rapidly through the maze, not caring which turns she’s taking. All she wants to do is get away from the sound of mechanical breathing. But the farther away she thinks she gets from it, the louder it becomes, echoing through the maze.

“Rey?”

Hearing her name makes her come to a halt. She looks around to see who called her, but there’s no one in sight. She does notice a tall, dark figure at the end of the row though. Rey tries to move towards it, but finds that she’s frozen in place. Another cold breeze blows, giving Rey an ominous feeling. Suddenly the figure speaks up. It’s not talking to her, but to another person who Rey can’t see.

“Your compassion will be you’re undoing.”

She tries to move, wanting to see who the figure is talking to. But something’s not right. Rey feels it in her stomach. Something’s wrong. Her chest clenches with fear.

“You will lose everything… Ben Solo.” 

No… This can’t be happening. It can’t be him, can’t be Ben. Why would she be feeling this panic for Ben? It makes no sense to her. What is he doing here?

Wait. 

Since it’s Ben, maybe he can hear her. She tries to call out to him through the bond, but to no avail. He’s completely oblivious to her being there. He’s too focused on the figure in front of him. She believes the figure and Ben will just disappear like younger Ben did, but no, that’s not the case. Ben suddenly speaks.

“You’ll have to kill me before I let you touch her.”

The figure seems to take this for a challenge, because the next thing Rey sees is a crippled hand point out from under a robe and streaks of blue lightning erupting from his fingertips. What follows is the sound of pure agony. Rey can’t see him, but she hears Ben scream out, the pain of lightning striking his body, manifesting into his yell. Rey feels a faint shadow of his pain coarsing through her body.

“No!”

Impulsively, Rey tries to run forward and finds that her legs work again. The figure turning around at her call makes her freeze again, this time on her own accord. All she can do is stare at the disfigured creature in horror. The one who is continuing to make Ben scream out in anguish.

 _Rey_.

Her name forces her to snap out of her trance with the figure. She turns to run, but trips on a root. She falls down hard onto the ground, her head smashing against the dirt. The last thing she hears is her name before everything goes black.

 

* * *

 

**_Rey._ **

Rey’s eyes shoot open, her heart pounding rapidly in her chest. She springs to a sitting position on the bed. Her breath coming out ragged and hoarse as adrenaline surges through her body. Gathering her surroundings, she looks around and finds that she’s still in the small living quarters in Luke’s old home. She turns quickly to the bed beside her. Ben’s gone from the bed.

_No._

It couldn’t have been real. 

In a panic, Rey jumps up from the cot and runs out of the room. She has to find him. Has to make sure that he’s still there, and he didn’t leave her. “Ben!” She calls out his name in hopes that she’s wrong. That he’s still alive and will answer her. That her dream wasn’t real.

Running from room to room, she continues her frenzied search for the man that used to be her enemy. She throws boxes around, trying to make her way through the place. Every so often she calls out. No luck. He’s not answering her. It only makes her panic more. And her panic makes her search become more frantic.

On a whim, she runs up the stairs towards the surface of the planet. Making her way through the hut door, she lets out a huge sigh of relief. He’s sitting across the way on a boulder. The strange part is that he appears to be meditating. Something he said he hasn’t done for some time. 

Trying to slow her heart rate back down to a normal level, she walks over to him, secretly glad that he’s still here. Still with her. She can’t figure out what made her panic so much, but she knows she never wants to feel that way again. It was only for a little time, but it felt like half of her died.

She stands by him silently while he meditates, just watching the double sunrise over the horizon. She can now see why he came out here. It’s peaceful. Especially for someone who has so much trouble finding peace.

Without opening his eyes, he asks, “Are you okay?”

It startles Rey, not expecting him to talk for a while. “I’m fine,” she replies, brushing him off. She knows he knows. They can feel when the other has a nightmare; she just doesn’t know why he’s so concerned _this_ time. Before, he would just send her pleasant thoughts and then that’d be the end of it. Why does he have to go asking how she is?

“Do you want to talk about it?” He still has yet to open his eyes and look at her, still half focused on searching for answers and peace in the Force.

“No, I don’t. And why would I tell you anyway?” she snaps, suddenly annoyed that he’s caring. Maker, she just wishes he’d stop.

His eyes shoot open and he glares over at her. Getting off of the boulder, he retorts, “Well sorry for caring about your mental health, Sweetheart.” 

“Well I don’t want you to care about me or my mental health. Just stop!” 

“Stop doing what?” He walks over to her, thoroughly confused now, but also trying to push her a bit. He gets close to her, leaning down to her face.

“Just, everything! _Stop doing everything!_ ” 

Her outburst makes them both freeze; neither of them knowing what she means, but both knowing the reason behind her words.

Kylo knows he’s confusing her with everything he does for her. Every nice act making her more confused. Her mind, not letting her forget all of his wrong doings, but yet also not pushing him away entirely either. He knows all of that, even from not using the bond. But he also knows how intrigued by him she is. Her curiosity is beginning to win over her morality, and it’s making her panic.

Not wanting to get into another fight right now, he lets it drop. Another fight wouldn’t help her confusion. More than likely, it would only just confuse her more.

All they can do is stare at each other, the awkward tension bouncing back between them. She doesn’t know what to say after her outburst and he doesn’t know how he should react. So the pair does nothing, just hoping the awkwardness with dissipate.

Kylo finally decides to break the tension and looks away. “We should probably get ready to head back to the Falcon. The Wookiee’s probably wondering where we’ve been. Any longer and he might send out a search party.”

Rey shakes back into reality, unconsciously nodding her head, agreeing with him without really paying attention to what he’s saying. She’s still too focused on her unspoken confession.

Without another thought she begins to make her way back into the house. Kylo stares at her retreating back, confused as to why she’s going back inside. “Ummm, Rey. We don’t have anything. We didn’t bring anything with us.”

She doesn’t listen to him. She just walks into the house, leaving him behind. He decides he should tag along to find out why. Following her, he makes his way down the steps. When he gets to the bottom he finds that she’s gone. She’s disappeared. Only he would be the one to lose her in a house. 

Not a moment later, she emerges from the bedroom with the two Bantha wool blankets in her arms. She’s looking down at them with an almost sorrowful expression. He wonders what’s going through her head, but he knows well enough not to eavesdrop through the bond. He’s learned from past experience she doesn’t particularly like that.

Shoving them into a satchel that she found in the room, she looks up at him. “Now we can go.” She doesn’t say another word. She just slings the bag over her shoulder and walks up the stairs, leaving him to watch her leave, still slightly confused.

She is the most perplexing human in the galaxy, and Kylo suspects that he will never understand her completely. Even with the bond they share. He climbs the stairs after her, and they begin their long journey back to the Falcon and Chewie.

 

* * *

 

A few hours into their trek they begin to slow their pace, the heat of the day getting to them. Rey’s fairly alright from growing up in similar conditions on Jakku, but Kylo is burning up in his heavy black robes. If he had his mask on he’d have passed out from heat exhaustion a long time ago. Rey smiles to herself in amusement at the thought of him parading around Tatooine in his Kylo Ren uniform, sweating his ass off. She was once frightened of it. Now she knows it was just all an act. It was just a persona that he tried to keep up. _Still_ tries to keep up sometimes. But it doesn’t work. At least, not in front of her. She’s seen the Ben Solo behind Kylo Ren.

All of a sudden her stomach gurgles, demanding for food. They haven’t eaten much since leaving Ahch-To, only a few nutrition bars that they found on the Falcon. It’s been a while since either of them has had an actual meal. Rey secretly prays that Ben didn’t hear her stomach, but she knows that he did. It was too loud for him not to hear.

“Since when did you become a Wookiee?” he quips, trying to make a joke out of her hunger.

“Ha ha, very funny.” She rolls her eyes, astounded at how bad he is at joking. He’s exactly like his father in that regard, thinking he’s hilarious, when really he’s just says corny things.

“There’s a small market place not too far off our path. We can stop there and pick up some supplies. And maybe get a bite to eat.” 

Rey’s not sure how wise it is to delay their journey. Chewie is probably very worried with them being away for almost a whole day now. There’s nothing worse than a panicked Wookiee. But the thought of food almost makes her mouth water. If she didn’t have any pride, it would’ve. Her stomach rumbles again, sealing the plan for their detour. 

\- - -

They come up to the small market place that’s buzzing with different species, all trying to bargain and barter for goods. It’s made up of fabric tents draped over poles stuck into the ground and random tables that are scattered around the area, all with merchants behind them. Younglings of all species can be seen playing near the tents. They’re passing a ball back and forth, trying to entertain themselves while their parents shop.

Rey starts to smile at the communal atmosphere while Kylo looks out of place in the crowd of joyful people. If his awkward face didn’t set him apart from the marketers, his black clothes surely did. 

Suddenly Kylo feels a bump against his foot. Glancing down, he notices the ball that the children were playing with has somehow ended up at his feet. He freezes, not knowing what to do or how to react. He’s never really been around children before. The padawans at Luke’s academy don’t count since he usually spent as much time away from them as possible. Besides they didn’t exactly want to flock to his side either.

So he just stands there, even as a little human boy comes over to collect their ball. Just as the boy gets to him, Kylo sees Rey bend down beside him from the corner of his eye and gather the ball into her hands. She stays on her knees as she hands the toy over to the little boy. “Here you go,” she says gently with a sweet smile on her face.

All Kylo can do is stare down at Rey, mesmerized at her ability to be kind to anyone, even complete strangers. He’s also mesmerized by the way she talks to children. He can’t help but think how good of a mother she’d be one day, but he buries the thought in the back of his mind before it seeps across the bond. She’d never let him live it down if she knew he pictured her as a mother. Hell, he’ll never let himself think it again. It’s such a dangerous thought for him to have; the perfect thought to start a fight between the two.

“And don’t be scared by the big man. He’s just grumpy.” 

The little boy giggles, taking the ball from her hands and hugging it tightly to his chest. Her jibe makes Kylo’s soft gaze turn into a light glare for a second. He’s slightly miffed that she’s making at joke at his expense. So much for the sweet moment.

The boy thanks her then runs off back to his friends. Rey slowly gets up from her knees and notices Kylo staring at her. “What?”

He blinks like he’s been caught. “Nothing. Nothing,” he rushes out, not wanting her to know his reasoning behind staring.

She gives him a suspicious look, but then lets it drop, once again becoming focused on the booths in the market. They continue on through the rows of tables, trying to find any supplies that would be useful.

Suddenly an enticing smell wafts through the air, distracting Rey from their task. Following her nose, and the smell, she just walks away from Kylo without a word. Luckily he turns around just in time to see her disappear through the crowd. It’s also a good thing he’s about half a head taller than everyone in the crowd. Makes it easier for him to keep his eyes on her as she walks farther away. 

“Dammit, Rey.” 

He follows her straight to a food booth, one that’s selling some type of meat on a stick. Kylo knows that it’s probably some low-grade meat from a beast found on Tatooine, but to Rey it smells wonderful, and looks even better. Only problem is that they don’t have any credits to actually buy food. Or any supplies for that matter.

Rey turns to leave, disappointed that they wouldn’t actually be able to purchase anything when Kylo waves his hand subtly in front of the merchant’s face. The man hands out two sticks of the meat without saying a word. Rey whips her face towards Kylo so fast he swears he hears her neck pop at the speed.

“Ben!” she whispers, reprimanding him for using the Force to get free food. She looks around hastily, worried that someone saw. “We can’t just steal from the poor man.”

“It’s technically not stealing if he hands it to us.”

“He didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter.”

She tries to keep her voice quiet as not to gather attention from anyone, but he’s pissing her off and her temper is wearing thin.

“Are you hungry or not?”

Before she can say anything, her stomach lets out a grumble, making any argument of hers completely moot. She can’t dispute him, so she just accepts the stick when he hands it to her. He looks at her smugly then takes a large bite out of his food, purposefully moaning loudly to annoy her. 

“That’s just delicious.” 

“Oh shut up.”

He smirks and continues eating. Rey timidly takes a bite, still feeling guilty for taking it from the man. One bite into it and she finds it hard to feel the guilt. She’s so hungry and the meat tastes so good that she loses the will to stay mad at Ben for mind tricking the man.

It’s not long before the both of them are done with the food, their stomachs sufficiently filled for the time being. They continue walking through the tents, searching out any supplies that will help them.

Out of the corner of his eye Kylo sees a table full of blasters. True to being his father’s son, he just has to go look at them. Rey just rolls her eyes and follows him.

She looks at him with a raised eyebrow, silently judging him for bringing them over here.

“What?” he asks, innocently. “You need a new weapon since you lost my grandfather’s.” He tries to play it off like they’re there because of her, when in reality he just really wanted to look at all the different blasters.

Rey’s eyes widen at his gall. “I didn’t—No, no. We’re not going into this again.” She shakes her head at him, silently fuming at his ability to constantly annoy her. She looks away from the table and something catches her eye. Her eyes re-widen at the sight of three men in white armor.

She taps Kylo on the shoulder insistently. “Ben… Ben, look over there. Behind the pots.” Only her eyes dart to the stormtroopers location, not wanting to make it too obvious, but still wanting to get his attention.

Kylo tactically moves his head slightly to look at the troopers across the market. He tries to look relaxed still, but Rey can feel that his body has tensed up a bit at the situation.

“Why are there stormtroopers here?”

“I don’t know, but keep your head down. And try to act normal.”

Kylo decides that they shouldn’t stay at the table so he nicely but firmly pushes Rey to start walking again. He keeps her in front of him as they move through the market, trying to cover her as best as he can with his body. Behind him he can start to hear the sound of armored feet hitting the ground. He glances back quickly and discovers that the troopers have started to follow them.

He pushes Rey again, making her walk faster. She doesn’t question him, knowing that he’s just trying to get them away from the soldiers. They’re practically at a run as they move through the crowd of people. Kylo sees an opening to hide and he grabs Rey’s arm and pulls her behind a stack of boxes by a vendor’s tent.

Rey tries to peak over the boxes to get a look at them, but Kylo just grabs her hand and pulls her back. “Stay down.” He gets a glimpse instead. The troopers seem to have lost them in the crowd.

Rey’s eyes are darting back and forth, trying to figure out what’s happening. “How did they find us?” she whispers, on the bridge of panicking.

“We don’t know that they’re here for us. It’s probably just some routine patrol on Outer Rim planets.” He glances down at her. Well, more at her hair. “It’s a good thing you got rid of the buns.” 

She glares at him, slightly offended.

“What? The First Order will have been notified to look for a girl with three buns in her hair. It’s a dead giveaway.”

Her eyes narrow even further. “And you’re not, _Kylo Ren_?” 

He quickly shushes her then looks around to see if anyone heard. “No. I don’t have my mask on. None of the stormtroopers have seen me without my mask.”

“And you don’t think Hux would’ve given them a picture of you?” 

It comes out as a question, but there’s a definite threatening vibe behind her words. Rey’s patience is wearing thinner and thinner, especially with their current circumstance. 

“No.”

Her eyes widen at him for what feels like the tenth time today. “You said it yourself, he has a personal vendetta against you. That he wants you dead.”

Kylo looks at her in the eyes, his face also starting to show his thinning temper. “He’s too stupid to do that.”

It doesn’t seem possible, but her eyes widen even more, completely incredulous at his answer. Is he a complete idiot? She’s so close to slapping him.

“The man built a super weapon and commands an army, and you think he’s too stupid to show the troopers your bloody picture?!”

Her raised voice seems to have alerted the stormtroopers of their location because they turn and see where Kylo and Rey are hiding.

“Tell the General we found Ren and the girl.”

Oh kriff. 

Without another thought, Kylo grabs Rey’s arm and practically throws her into a run. “Go, Rey!”

They take off through the market, desperate to get away from the troopers. People are turning to see what the commotion is about, but Kylo and Rey pay to heed to them. They just swerve their way through the crowd. The stormtroopers can be heard running behind them, trying to keep up. Their armor clanging with every step.

Running out of the market, they hit an open area of just desert. They need to come up with a plan and fast. They’re too focused on escaping that it’s too much to actually figure out a plan aloud, so they decide to communicate through the bond.

**_What are we supposed to do now?_ **

Kylo doesn’t know how to respond, so all he does is fling his arm back and let out a powerful push with the Force. The tents at the entrance of the market fall right on top of the troopers, briefly hindering them.

**_Well if they weren’t sure before, they’re certainly sure it’s us now!_ **

He looks around the area, trying to find something that will help them. There has to be something that will get them away from the stormtroopers and back to the Falcon.

His eyes lock onto it. A small, two-person speeder. 

**_Rey, this way!_ **

Kylo changes direction and hurries over it to, throwing a leg over and trying to start it up. Rey gets on behind him without a second thought, grabbing onto his waist so that she won’t fall off. Not worrying that she’s going to be pressed up against Ben.

By the time that they get to the speeder the stormtroopers have made their way out of the tangled tents and are booking their way over to them.

**_Ben, come on! We have to go!_ **

She tries to urge him on, but he’s having trouble boosting the speeder. The longer it takes for him, the closer the troopers get. She squeezes him tightly to get him to pick up the pace. Rey keep looking back to see how close the stormtroopers have gotten. They’re way too close for comfort at this point.

“BEN!” she yells, this time out loud in his ear. 

In a moment of genius, or just panic, he focuses on the Force and places his hand on the ignition. A streak of blue lightning expels from his palm and the speeder roars to life. Without a second thought, Kylo kicks the pedal and they take off, leaving the troopers in a ball of dust.

\- - -

They quickly make their way back to the Falcon, praying that the stormtroopers aren’t following them, or worse, have back-up. Kylo parks the speeder and they both jump off of it, running up to the ship.

“Chewie, start her up and open the hatch!” Kylo yells, hoping the Wookiee can hear him.

While they wait for the ramp to descend, Rey turns to Kylo, almost out of breath from the adrenaline racing through her body. “How in the stars did they find us?”

“I don’t know.” 

“There has to be some explanation.” 

She looks around, trying to put the pieces together. What’s the common factor between all the times the First Order has found them? There has to be something that is the same every time.

Her eyes stop on Kylo, widening as she suddenly understands. The First Order found him on Starkiller before it blew up. He was on Ahch-To when they came for them. He’s with her here.

“You have a tracker on you.” It doesn’t come out a question. There’s no denying it. It has to be the only explanation.

“Don’t be silly, Sweetheart. There’s no tracker.” He just rolls his eyes and brushes her off. They hear the Falcon start up, but Rey’s not focused on that.

“No. There has to be. How else would they be finding us everywhere we go?” She’s not going to back down.

The ramp finally touches the ground and Kylo turns to walk up it, but Rey grabs his arm, hindering him from leaving. “Take off your clothes.” 

He looks at her like she’s gone mad. “I’m not taking off my clothes, Scavenger. You’re insane.”

“Take them off.”

“No.”

Her patience is practically non-existent at this point. It’s been a long, stressful day and he’s not helping.

“Take. Them. Off. _Now_.” She’s no longer playing games. He needs to get the tracker off of him so that the First Order will stop following them. “Or I’ll take them off for you… Your choice, Ben Solo.”

She goes to walk up the ramp a bit, and spreads herself out, trying to block the way from him getting on. “You’re not getting on this ship until you take them off. I will not be followed by the First Order anymore. So get the kriffing tracker off of you.”

It’s not the worst glare he’s ever given her, but it’s definitely up there. “Fine.” He bears his teeth when he speaks, practically sneering at her. But all she does is stare him down, trying to keep up her bravado.

He curses her as he takes the heavy layers of his clothes off. He won’t admit it, but the breeze feels nice on his overheated body, and he’s almost happy to be rid of the thick, black robes.

Once he’s undressed and down to his undershorts, Rey finally moves aside and lets him on board. He pushes past Rey and stomps his way up the ramp and doesn’t stop until he gets into the cockpit. Him and Chewie prepare for take-off.

Rey slinks up behind them and settles into one of the back chairs quietly. She doesn’t like the feeling that Ben’s pissed off at her, but she did what she needed to do. He may not have liked it, but it’s better for everyone that he left his clothes on Tatooine.

Kylo lifts the Falcon off the ground and begins to fly it up towards the atmosphere. It seems like the stormtroopers didn’t have any back-up, so they get a fairly clean getaway. Just to make sure, once they get far enough away from the ground, Kylo punches it into hyperspace, leaving Tatooine far behind.

Once they’re far enough into space, Chewie roars out and leaves the cockpit, wanting to get far away from the tension between the two Force sensitives. Kylo punches in the coordinates for some planet Rey doesn’t know.

“We have to go to the Resistance.” 

“Skywalker said not to go to the Resistance.”

She looks at him incredulously. “Well that was _before_. Now that you don’t have the tracker on you, it’ll be safe.”

“We’re not going to the Resistance,” he says with finality, not even accepting any other options. Without another word to her, he puts the ship on autopilot and walks out of the cockpit.

She follows him into the common area of the Falcon. “We have to go. They need us.”

He doesn’t turn around. He just busies himself with looking through boxes, sorting out supplies that they have. Anything so that he doesn’t have to look at her.

“We go to the Resistance and I’m dead.”

His words hit her harder than she thought they would. He’s right. They’ll kill him for his crimes without a second thought. A week ago she would’ve been completely fine with that. Now, she’s not sure how she feels. He should be punished for his crimes. He’s killed thousands. Broken families apart. Broken his own family apart. But does that mean he deserves to die?

“You can’t stay mad at me forever. I did what I had to do. I couldn’t let you bring the tracker back onto this ship.” 

She knows she’s switching arguments, but she doesn’t care. She just wants the tension to stop. She wants them to stop fighting. She’s shocked to find that she wants him to stop ignoring her.

He freezes, his hands halfway in a box of miscellaneous parts. His voice softens from the hard tone he was speaking with earlier. “I’m not mad at you. I understand why you did it… I would’ve done the same thing.” 

“They why won’t you look at me?”

Slowly he turns around to face her, his ears burning bright red. Rey can’t help her eyes drifting. They lock on to his chest. In their haste to get away, she didn’t really pay attention to his body as he was undressing, but now there’s nothing else to focus on. She gulps as she can’t take her eyes away from his broad chest. Her eyes begin to glance lower, following the light line of hair down his stomach. He’s not super defined, but she doesn’t care.

She sees him swallow and suddenly realizes how nervous he is. He almost seems embarrassed to be practically naked in front of her. He coughs and his eyes strategically avoid hers.

Oh!

Hastily she looks away from him, focuses her eyes on the ground in front of her feet. “You need clothes!” She sets off through the Falcon. “I’ll find some for you. Just stay there.”

Rey walks off but reappears a few minutes later, a bundle of clothes in her hands. She gets up to him and he realizes what’s in her hands. That bastard put them back in here.

“Luke put these back on the Falcon, just in case. They should fit you.” She holds them out for him to take, but he doesn’t. All he does is glare at them. 

“I’m not putting them on.”

“And why not?” 

“Oh you know why. I’m not putting on _his_ clothes, Rey.” He’s adamant about this. He’s not going to put on Han Solo’s clothes. The man he stabbed through the heart. “I would rather stay in my shorts than put those on.”

She looks affronted for a second. Is he kidding? “So the man who was embarrassed by being naked a minute ago is now refusing to put on the only other clothes on this ship?”

His eyes dart away from her. “I wasn’t embarrassed.”

“Then tell that to your ears. I can see your blush from here.”

She has _some_ gall. His eyes widen at her dig, not being able to decide between laughing and being offended. Or both. What he decides on is pushing her hands, and the clothes, away from him and walking over to the other side of the room, trying to get away from her.

“I’m not putting them on. End of discussion.”

No, it’s not the end of the discussion. Rey has had enough of his behavior. “Ben Solo! Put the damn clothes on, _now_!” she demands, in a very no nonsense way.

He turns around and looks at her in shock, his jaw practically touching the ground. Why is it that she reminds him so much of his mother at times? It’s almost scary. She frightens him just as much as his mother does too. She’s staring him down with narrowed eyes and her nose all crinkled up. She doesn’t say anything else. All she does is hold the clothes back out, not suggesting, but expecting him to finally take them.

Kylo’s mouth moves a few times, intent on arguing, but nothing comes out. He knows he won’t win if he tries to disagree with her. With a huff, he stomps over to her and all but rips the clothes from her hands without a word. He gives her a glare before he begins to put on the clothes. She just gives him a satisfied look.

Once all the clothes are on he turns to Rey and holds his arms up, as if to show her she won. “Happy?”

She doesn’t respond. She can’t. All she can do is stare at him in his father’s clothes. The brown pants with yellow stripes along the sides. The cream colored shirt with the v-neck flap that he’s tucked into the pants. The black jacket with four front pockets. For a minute she forgets who it is. He looks exactly like Han. The only thing that differentiates them is the long, night-black hair and his mother’s brown eyes. He doesn’t look half bad in it either. It kind of suits him in a way. It’s almost like looking at who Ben Solo could’ve been if he didn’t have the Force. If he wasn’t Kylo Ren.

Kylo coughs to get her attention and she breaks out of her trance. “Umm, yes. Happy… You look… good,” she says, shaking her head to clear it.

He freezes. Did she just compliment him? He can scarcely believe it. And in his father's clothes no less. Something he vowed he'd never put on ever since Luke handed them to him that fateful day on Ahch-To. And somehow she’s managed to get him into them. She certainly is a mystery, the girl from Jakku. 

They both stand there, that awkward tension back again, just staring at each other. They seem to keep getting stuck in awkward conversations without even really talking. 

"Well I'm gunna go rest for a bit. It's been a long day," Rey rushes out, wanting to leave the conversation. 

"Yeah, yeah, sure." Kylo snaps back into reality. "I'm just gunna go back to the cockpit. Keep an eye on things."

Rey nods, biting her lip shyly, and begins to leave.

"I'll come get you again... When we're close!" he half-yells after her.

She turns around for a moment and looks at him with gentle eyes. With an almost smile, she nods her head and then walks off towards the bunk room. 

Kylo watches her leave. As soon as she's out of the room he lets the corner of his lips raise slightly. He walks back to the cockpit with thoughts of the Scavenger who thinks he looks good. Not to mention, who pretty blatantly checked him out in front of him. His lips form into a small smirk at that thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave kudos and comments! I love hearing your comments and feedback! Tell me if you like the chapter!
> 
> I had to bring the clothes back. And he had to finally put them on. And yes, it’s Han’s outfit from Empire.
> 
> kylosroboarm on Tumblr


	13. Monuments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably  
> *Any of Chewie's spoken dialogue will be in normal italics

_"Well I'm gunna go rest for a bit. It's been a long day," Rey rushes out, wanting to leave the conversation._

_"Yeah, yeah, sure." Kylo snaps back into reality. "I'm just gunna go back to the cockpit. Keep an eye on things."_

_Rey nods, biting her lip shyly, and begins to leave._

_"I'll come get you again... When we're close!" he half-yells after her._

_She turns around for a moment and looks at him with gentle eyes. With an almost smile, she nods her head and then walks off towards the bunk room._

_Kylo watches her leave. As soon as she's out of the room he lets the corner of his lips raise slightly. He walks back to the cockpit with thoughts of the Scavenger who thinks he looks good. Not to mention, who pretty blatantly checked him out in front of him. His lips form into a small smirk at that thought._

 

* * *

 

Kylo walks down the hallway to the bunk room with a sense of déjà vu. It’s only been two days since he last did this, but to him, it feels like a lifetime ago. Emotionally, it’s been a hectic two days.

He gets to the room and finds Rey still asleep on _his_ bunk. Why she chose his bunk over the other one, he’ll never know. One of the Bantha wool blankets is strewn over her, keeping her warm. He can’t help but think she’s formed some kind of attachment to them. Maybe it has something to do with the blankets coming from Luke’s old home. They must give her the feeling that she’s close to her (former) Master. They must give her hope. Or just closure. 

Walking over to her, he gets to his knees by her head, just like last time. He brushes the hair away from her face, and her head tilts towards his hands slightly, as if she’s conscious of his touch. He savors these little moments. Moments where he actually gets to touch her and she doesn’t want to chop his hand off.

She looks like she’s slept peacefully. She’ll never know that he stayed awake practically the whole time that she was sleeping, sending her calming thoughts through the bond. After her nightmare from the night before, he figured she deserved to have a rest full of soothing thoughts instead of visions of him being tortured. She's not aware that he knows the contents of her nightmare and there’s no way he’s going to tell her. The thought of Snoke using Force lightning on him is distressing enough. The fact that he’s realized that he’s willing to die for her through her dream freaks him out even more. 

“Rey,” he whispers, trying to gently rouse her from her sleep. “Rey.”

She begins to wake up slowly, her eyes not opening right away. When her eyes finally open, she panics slightly and automatically throws her arm out again on instinct. This time Kylo is prepared and catches her fist in the palm of his hand before it can collide with his face. 

The sudden stillness of her hand makes Rey fully wake up. She stares at him for a second, her heart pounding, not expecting his face to be that close to hers.

“Not this time, Sweetheart.” He gives her what could pass as a joking smirk, his nose slightly crinkling. The same nose that’s still somewhat blue from the last time he tried to wake her up.

Kylo lets go of her fist and gets up; stretching in a way that makes his, well Han’s, shirt go taut around his chest, really pronouncing the sheer broadness of his shoulders. He looks down at Rey, who’s beginning to sit up on the bed. The blanket fall downs to her lap, showing off her bare, freckled shoulders. She must’ve taken off her outer wrap before she went to bed because she’s only in her white undershirt. He tries to avoid staring at her chest. Her v-neck is making it very hard not to though. 

He coughs awkwardly. “We’re almost there. So come up to the cockpit when you’re ready.”

Without another word, Kylo hurries from the room and heads back to Chewie. Rey is left perplexed at what just happened. He’s actually acting amiable to her. Last night he was pissed at her and now he’s back to joking. Why does he have to be so confusing all the time? And why was he so close to her face?

Getting up off the bed, Rey grabs her wrap and drapes it over her head, tying her belt around it to keep it in place. Turning around, she picks up the blanket and folds it with care. She gently lays it on top of the bed and strokes it pensively. She’ll never tell him that the reason she’s become so attached to the blanket is because this is the one that he placed atop her shoulders. She’ll never forget that simple gesture. She’ll never forget Ben Solo wrapping a blanket around her to keep her warm. Ben Solo being completely selfless.

Rey leaves the room, walking through the hallway to the cockpit. Once she’s there she sits down behind Ben and straps in. She gives Chewie a hello to which he roars gently back, making her laugh lightly.

He turns around to her and gives a small roar; _Did you sleep well?_

“I did actually,” she replies, now smiling outright, pleased that he asked. “No nightmares.” 

He howls back that he’s glad. As he turns back to face the port window, he gives a deliberate side-eyed glance at Ben. He knows Ben stayed up the whole time in the cockpit and hasn't slept a wink since Tatooine. Knows that he’s the reason the girl slept well. He may not be on good terms with his honorary nephew at the moment, but he still knows Ben better than most. Kylo just ignores his eyes, continuing to focus on flying, his hands becoming tense on the wheel.

They approach a planet full of bright greens and blues. As Kylo and Chewie set the landing sequence, Rey is mesmerized at the lush grass of the field that they’re landing in. It’s a far sight from Jakku and Tatooine, where greens and blues just don’t exist.

They land gently on the ground, the three passengers taking in their new surroundings. Kylo turns off the engine and gets up out of his chair, heading out of the cockpit. Jumping up out of her seat, Rey follows him, leaving Chewie behind them.

“Wait. Where are we now?”

Her question makes him stop at the hatch to the ramp, his hand hovering above the button to release the ramp. He doesn't turn around to face her, almost like he wants to avoid this discussion. Doesn't want to get into another fight over his choice of location. He fears she's not going to be very happy with where he picked.

“Naboo.”

Rey’s eyebrows furrow at his answer. “Naboo? As in your grandmother’s home planet Naboo?” She’s becoming very hesitant in traveling with him since he keeps choosing locations that are very important to his family. 

“Yes… They won’t find us here though,” he says hastily in an attempt to calm her fears. 

It doesn’t work very well.

“How are you so certain about that?”

He takes his hand away from the button and turns to fully face her. “Snoke will think of everywhere else before he thinks of this place.”

“And why do you think that?” she asks, still nervous that they’ll be found here even _without_  the tracker on him.

“Because… This is the place that my grandfather’s compassion lived… Snoke doesn’t give two shits about my grandfather’s compassion.” He internally adds that it just so happens that Snoke, on the other hand, seems to care a lot about _his_ compassion, much to his dismay.

Rey appears to be in a state of silence, so Kylo turns and presses the button to open the hatch. Before he descends, he looks back at her with a slight smile and asks, “Do you want to explore?”

She doesn’t answer aloud, but her eyes do light up with a sense of child-like wonder. He can tell she’s excited to experience the flourishing meadows instead of the rocky cliffs of Ahch-To. Without another word, he makes his way down the ramp, knowing that she’ll follow him even without feeling through the bond. 

When they get to the bottom Rey doesn't know what to do with herself. She's completely mesmerized by everything before her. On an impulse, she bends down and lightly drags her hand across the grass. She’s never felt grass that’s so soft before. Sure Ahch-To had grass, but it was nothing like this. This feels like she's holding one of Leia’s silk dresses between her fingers. 

She gets up and looks over to Ben who’s looking at her with those gentle eyes. Strangely, she finds it hard to look at him in the eye, so she darts her gaze to the mountains in the distance. She feels the breeze swirl around her, chilling her body to the perfect temperature.

They just stand there for a few minutes enjoying the weather and the scenery before Kylo breaks the silence. “There’s a market not far from here that we can check out. Especially now that we actually have credits for food and supplies. It would be beneficial.” 

She looks at him a little apprehensively, still riled up from their last trip to the market. “Another market? How is it that you just happen to know where all the market places are on different planets?” She gives him a slight smirk as if she’s teasing him.

He suddenly gets this pensive look on his face. “I’ve actually been here before… with my mother and Luke… I was probably around seven at the time and they brought me along for some anniversary thing... And _that’s_ how I know there’s a market around here.”

He also gives a small smirk. It’s almost as if they’re joking together. But no. That’s not possible. Rey doesn’t joke with him. The thought of it is ludicrous. Maybe he’s going crazy from the lack of sleep. Maybe he’s just wishing she’d joke with him.

She always gets this soft look when he talks about his past. When he talks about his life as Ben Solo. She may not like Kylo Ren, on the verge of loathing, but there’s no doubting that she has a soft spot for Ben. The Ben that he _used_ to be. The Ben that’s dead.

“Sure. That sounds fine. I’ll just go get the credits.”

She turns to head back up to the Falcon when Chewie walks down holding a small sack of chips in his hand and Rey’s satchel in the other. He gives them over to Rey when he gets to the bottom.

“Thanks, Chewie.” She gives him a huge smile.

He gives a small growl; _I’m coming with you._

Kylo’s eyes snap straight to the Wookiee. He was not planning on having him come along. All he wanted was a little time alone with Rey. Not to be followed by the thing that wants him dead.

“You don’t have to, Chewie. Someone should stay with the Falcon,” Rey says, trying to reason with the Wookiee.

Chewbacca doesn’t listen to her. He just continues to howl out; _The last time I let you two walk off, you didn’t come back for a day. And when you did, we had to escape from stormtroopers. I’m coming with you._

Rey seems to accept his answer, partly agreeing with him, and partly not wanting to be alone with Ben. Kylo on the other hand, just looks at them like they’re insane. 

“I’m not going with the walking carpet,” he declares with wide eyes, a sneer making it’s way onto his face.

Rey obviously doesn’t have the patience for his child-like attitude today because she just turns to him with stony eyes and says, “No. No more. I can’t stand it! We’re not leaving here until the two of you get over this pettiness.” 

Him and Chewie start talking at the same time, trying to get Rey to see their side.

“He shot me, Rey!”

_He killed Han!_

“I don’t care! I’m done! Both of you, get over it! Now!” she shouts over the two of them yelling at her.

They both glare at her, granted Kylo’s glare is fiercer than Chewie’s. It’s hard for Chewie to really get mad at his co-pilot. He has a soft spot for the girl. Then again, so does Kylo. She just glares back at them, unrelenting. They don’t do anything for a moment, so she crosses her arms and raises one eyebrow. It’s scarily like the way Leia used to when he would get into trouble as a boy.

Reluctantly, Kylo holds out his hand to the Wookiee without looking at him, intent on shaking his hand. They’re definitely not at the point of hugging, but he thinks Rey would be fine with a handshake. 

Chewie just stares at his hand for a second and growls lightly before grasping Kylo’s hand roughly. His way of a handshake is to jerk Kylo’s hand back and forth multiple times to where it looks like his arm is about to be ripped out of its socket. They let go and Chewie feels a little bit smug when Kylo grabs his shoulder and shakes his arm out, trying to make sure nothing’s broken or dislocated.

Neither of them are very happy about the arrangement, but Rey seems satisfied for now, so they let it go. Maker knows it will probably take a lifetime for the Wookiee to forgive him for what he’s done, but at least he doesn’t have to worry about the constant threat of Chewie killing him anymore. He thinks.

“Good. Now we can go.” She turns to walk away and sets off to find the market, leaving Chewie and him behind.

“Ummm, Rey. It’s that way,” he calls out to her, pointing in the completely opposite direction that she’s walking in. He tries so hard to keep the smirk off his face. 

“I knew that.”

With as much dignity as she can muster, Rey turns around and walks in the direction that Kylo’s pointing, her head held high. She avoids his eyes because she knows he’s internally laughing at her for her mistake. She can feel his amusement like it's her own.

He fails at keeping the smirk from his face. She walks past him and purposefully bumps into his shoulder, annoyed that he’s entertained, and he can’t help but let out a snort. Glancing briefly at Chewie, they both enter a tentative truce and follow her. 

 

* * *

 

They stroll up into the market to discover that it’s packed with many different kinds of people, way more crowded than the market on Tatooine. Everything is more extravagant here than it was in the desert. Instead of cheap cloth to cover the merchants’ tables, there are beautiful colored cloths or large stone architecture to cover the tables.

Whereas Kylo’s seen this place before, Rey is completely overwhelmed by all of the sights and smells of the place. Not to mention, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people that are gathered, all shopping in expensive looking robes. She suddenly feels very plain in her sand colored, dirty clothes. In fact, their whole group looks vastly out of place. An eight foot tall Wookiee, a (defected) warlord with a black eye wearing his dead father’s thirty year old dusty clothes, and her, a nobody from Jakku.

“Ok, so the plan is to stay together. It’s too crowded to wander off in different directions,” Kylo says as his two companions take in the busy market in front of them. “Does everyone understand? We stay together.”

“Yeah, yeah. We get it.” Rey waves him away before taking off in direction of something wonderful smelling.

“Maker, give me patience,” Kylo mutters out under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation before him and Chewie set off after her.

The two of them follow her to a stand where a man is selling some yobshrimp on a stick. Rey’s staring at it, her eyes watering from the smoke of the roaster, but it seems that she doesn’t care. She’s just focused on the food.

Rey hasn’t taken her gaze from the food when an arm shoots out from beside her and places some credits in the vendor’s hands. In return for the credits, the man hands the arm three sticks stacked with food. She whips to the side and finds that the arm belongs to Ben.

With a small smile on the corner of his lips, he hands one of the sticks out to Rey before he turns and passes another one to the Wookiee standing beside him. Rey takes the stick from him with her own smile, kind of shocked that he bought her food voluntarily. She thought she’d have to ask him for some credits to buy food. Or she thought he’d just mind trick the man again.

She takes a bite of the yobshrimp and her taste buds burst with the flavor. Luke used to make seafood all the time, seeing as it was one of the only food sources on Ahch-To, but it was never this flavorful. They didn’t have many different seasonings on the island, making all their food kind of bland. Rey never complained though, just happy that she actually got to eat multiple meals everyday. Ahch-To was definitely a step up from Jakku.

Kylo just watches her eating, thoroughly entertained by the myriad of emotions displayed on her face as she tries new food. She takes her time with the yobshrimp, savoring each bite as if she’ll never eat it again. He on the other hand, eats at a normal pace, having tried it before. He glances over at Chewie who seems to have gobbled all the food in a matter of seconds and looking like he wants more. The Wookie just makes Kylo rolls his eyes. He's always had a very hearty appetite. 

They finished up their food and continue along the line of tents and tables. They find a vendor selling ration bars so Rey decides that they should stock up for their journey. Chewie takes one and stuffs it in his mouth, the yobshrimp obviously not filling him up. Rey laughs at the speed at which he eats the bar. It’s one swallow and he’s done. Kylo just shakes his head at the Wookiee’s antics. 

Out of the corner of her eye Rey sees something reflect the sunlight. She turns her head towards it and sees a table full of shinning jewelry. Almost as if she was in a trance, she begins walking to the stall, wanting to get a look at all of the necklaces.

She comes up to the table, Kylo and Chewie following slowly behind her, and one of the necklaces catches her eye. It’s not one of the extravagant ones. Not one of the diamond ones that are adorned all over the table. It’s fairly simple. Just a pearl hanging on a string, but Rey can’t stop looking at it. Maybe because it is so simple compared to the rest. It stands out because of its plainness. Just like her.

Kylo watches Rey staring at the necklace with soft eyes. He figures that she’s never been so close to such beautiful jewels before. After what feels like a few minutes, he decides to break her trance. 

 **_You ok, Sweetheart?_ ** ****

Rey shakes her head and looks back at him, almost like she’s been caught doing something she shouldn’t have. Hell, she probably thinks she’s not worthy enough to be around such jewelry. Such beauty.

 _If only she knew that the jewels were nothing compared to her_ , Kylo thinks, trying to keep it from bleeding across the bond.

“We good to continue on?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

Still coming out of her stupor, Rey replies, “Yeah. Yeah. Let’s go.”

She turns to leave and walks away from the table of jewelry, continuing down the row of vendor stalls. Kylo looks at her leaving then glances back at the necklace that she was entranced with. He turns and looks at Chewie, waving him off nonchalantly.

“Follow her. I have something I need to do.”

Chewie begins to refute when Kylo cuts him off with a stern, “Go.”

The Wookiee just narrows his eyes at Kylo in suspicion then sets off after Rey, using his long legs to catch up with her quickly. Kylo turns back to the jewelry table and looks at the simple pearl necklace. He studies it for a second, just like Rey did. It’s plain, but still beautiful, just like the desert flower from Jakku. He catches eyes with the vendor before taking out his bag full of credits. 

\- - -

Rey and Chewie are walking through the streets of the market when Kylo comes catching up to them, slightly out of breath from running. Rey turns to him, confused as to why he disappeared in the first place. 

“Where were you? All Chewie said was that you said you had something to do,” she questions in a rather interrogative way.

“I thought I saw something.” He tries to play it off coolly, but it doesn’t quite work the way he planned.

Chewie gives him a knowing look which Kylo promptly sends him back a look that clearly says "shut up". The Wookiee knows without a doubt that he bought the necklace, but he’s not giving the fur ball the satisfaction. 

On the other hand, Rey’s eyes widen and panic begins to seep in. “What do you mean you saw something?” she rushes out, getting closer to Kylo.

“It was nothing, Rey. Like I said. I _thought_ I saw something. We’re safe.”

 ** _You’re safe,_** he adds through the bond for extra measure.

It seems to do the trick because she calms down almost instantly, nodding her head. “Alright. That’s a relief." Her face suddenly grows serious. "Don’t leave like that again. Not in a crowd like this. We promised we'd stay together, remember?” 

He’s surprised she doesn’t want him to be far from her. Maybe she didn’t mean to say it exactly like that. It’s also possible that he’s looking too far into it. His hope masking her intention.

“You know you can just find me through the bond right?” he teases lightly.

“I know… But still... Don’t do that again," she repeats in a very non-joking tone. Her face looks almost panicked at the thought of him wandering off again. At the thought of him leaving her alone again.

Her seriousness throws him for a second. Maybe she actually does mean it like that. He nods his head once to her, reassuring her. “I won’t do it again, Rey... I’m sorry.”

“Good.” She nods back to him, seeming relieved, before returning her gaze to the market. In the back of her mind, she can’t help but focus on his apology. He’s never apologized out loud to her before. It sounds so foreign coming from his mouth. Hell, it probably felt weird for him to _say_ it. The thought makes her giggle to herself quietly. He probably hasn’t had to say sorry since he was Luke’s padawan. Maker knows he’s never apologized to Hux.

“Let’s keep going,” Kylo suggests, as Rey is lost in her thoughts. “There’s something I want to show you.”

His voice shakes her back to reality. Her gaze drifts towards him. “Lead the way.”

He escorts Rey and Chewie further into the market until they come to a big open plaza. There may be more space here, but it’s just as crowded as the market was. He brings them to a huge palace like building with a series of spacious courtyard hallways. 

“Follow me,” he says as he takes them down one of the halls.

They get in there and it’s filled with marble statues, all aligned on the walls with placards next to them. Kylo walks up to a certain statue and stops in front of it, looking up at the face of the woman in awe and a touch of sadness.

“This is my grandmother. Queen Padmé Amidala,” he says as he gestures up to the statue in front of them. “Every time a former queen dies, they place a monument here in memoriam.” 

Rey walks up to Kylo’s side, staring at the statue of his grandmother. Chewie on the other hand, hangs back slightly looking at the other statues, giving the two of them space. He senses that this is a vulnerable moment for Ben and thinks that Rey will be able to tend to him better than he can.

By the statue, a placard reads

 

Padmé Naberrie Amidala

Queen from 33 BBY to 25 BBY

Senator of Naboo from 25 BBY to her death

Stolen from us before her time

 

“She was beautiful,” Rey says from Kylo’s side. It’s true; Padmé Amidala is one of the most beautiful women Rey has ever seen. Well other than Leia. But then again, that’s where Leia got it from. She notices that Ben has a few features from his grandmother. Like his high cheekbones for one. And his big, round eyes. Those eyes that pierce her soul when she doesn’t want them to.

“Yeah. She was,” he says in a breathy, distracted kind of way.

Almost like she’s concerned, Rey touches his hand, shaking him out of his daze. He turns to look at her hand on his, frozen in his spot. 

Realizing what she’s done, Rey quickly pulls her hand away and looks back up at the statue. After a minute, Kylo also brings his gaze back up, away from Rey’s face. 

“I don’t know much about my grandmother besides what Obi-Wan told Luke. But when I’m here, when I’m by this monument… I don’t know… I feel close to her…” He looks down at his feet, becoming self-conscious. “Does that sound stupid?”

She shifts her eyes back to Kylo’s face, that soft look making its way onto her face. The look that makes Kylo crumble to the floor.

“No. Not at all,” she says gently, with a small smile on her face. “It actually makes a lot of sense.” 

He pauses for a moment. “I used to have dreams about her you know.”

“Like you used to have dreams about me?” she teases with a faint smirk on her face.

Kylo rolls his eyes at her. “Not exactly.” Then to throw her off he adds, “And besides, I _still_ have dreams about you, Scavenger.” 

He trails off, leaving Rey somewhat speechless at his confession. She dares to look him in the eye and she can see his amusement there, as plain as day. The smirk on his face just adds to her discomfort. 

“I used to have dreams about a woman with flowers in her hair and wearing extravagant gowns. She would come to me when you didn’t.” He glances over at Rey and stares at her. “Except unlike you, I knew she was just a dream. A familiar dream granted, but she wasn’t a vision…” His gaze moves back to the statue. “She would come to me when my parents fought.”

“I never came to you when your parents fought?” Rey questions in a light way.

“No,” Kylo states bluntly before becoming soft. “You were always the light in the darkness.”

Rey’s eyes widen slightly at his admission. She didn’t think that his visions of her meant that much to him. That he really relied on them when he was younger. Really relied on _her_.

“My grandmother was there for me when I needed that maternal affection that my own mother was too busy fighting with Han Solo to give me," he says quietly in a bitter voice. He looks down at his boots like he’s revealed too much. Like he didn’t mean to say all of that aloud to Rey. Almost like he’s never admitted it out loud even to himself. 

All Rey does is move slightly closer to him, putting her hand on his arm, forcing him to whip his head to her in shock. “What did she do in your dreams? What were they about?” 

A small smile grows on Kylo’s face, remembering the dreams he had as a boy. “She used to play games with me. She was always trying to make me smile or laugh.” His face becomes amused in reminiscence. “She would call me Benny.” He coughs out a laugh, rolling his eyes.

Rey can’t help but smile at the way he’s enjoying remembering his dreams with her. There’s something about him that makes him seem ten years younger. Maybe it’s the joy on his face. Maybe it’s the light tone in his voice. But there’s something in him that’s shining brighter than all the darkness he holds in his heart. Something Rey can’t help but be mesmerized by. This is the light that she sees in the young Ben Solo from her dreams.

They both stand there in silence for a few minutes, just staring at the statue. After a while Rey turns to Ben and gives him a smirk that could match his. "Can _I_ call you Benny?"

His eyes automatically narrow on her face, glaring at her in annoyance, though Rey can see the playfulness behind it.

_**What do you think?** _

Ben's mental answer to her inquiry makes her laugh. He seems shocked at her laugh, and to be honest, she's a little shocked herself. She always used to roll her eyes at his jokes, but now she's actually enjoying them. The dry wit that he got from both of his parents is rubbing off on her. Their shock bleeds through the bond and Rey can't tell where his ends and hers begins. It's like their emotions have melded together.

Kylo looks at Rey with those gentle eyes, completely hypnotized at her laugh. She stops and looks at him funnily. Snapping out of it, he shakes his head.

”We should probably head back to the Falcon. It’s getting late.”

Rey instantly deflates a little bit, the smile wiping off her face. “Oh.”

Not wanting to see her frown, Kylo quickly spits out, “We can go exploring again tomorrow... if you want. Somewhere else... There’s plenty of amazing places to discover here.”

The grin makes its way back onto Rey’s face at the prospect of exploring the wondrous planet. She nods her head at him with a slight smile. 

Turning around to begin to exit the palace, Kylo calls out, “Come on, Fluffy! We’re done looking at the statues!” 

Chewie walks towards him with a glare on his face at the nickname. His nephew is definitely Han’s son with how much he can annoy the Wookiee and escape with both arms intact. He walks past the two Force users with a _Hmph_. He purposely knocks into Kylo’s shoulder gently as a way of vengeance for the insult. 

Kylo rolls his eyes at Chewie with a smirk on his face. He turns to Rey and points his hand towards the exit with a slight bow towards her.

“After you, Scavenger.” 

She just shakes her head at his extravagance, but follows after Chewie.

Kylo takes one last glance back at the statue of his grandmother with light in his eyes before he walks out of the palace. He jogs slightly in order to catch up to Rey and Chewie, and they begin their trek back to the Falcon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know none of these are probably Naboo customs. Just go with it.
> 
> I really wanted to add a little bit about his relationship with his grandmother, especially since no one ever talks about Padme. I thought it'd be cool to hear what he knows about her.
> 
> Not my favorite ending that I've written, but my mind went blank and I didn't know how else to end it.
> 
> *This is a WAY slower burn than I expected it to be. I just want everything to fee very organic. I promise that it'll pick up very soon. Not smut, but their actual relationship. I'm saving the smut for later ;)
> 
> Leave kudos and comments! I love hearing your comments! They make me really happy to hear if you guys are liking the story or not! 
> 
> kylosroboarm on Tumblr


	14. Waterfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

*****DISCLAIMER:**

**If the last thing you remember/read was Kylo and Rey escaping from Tatooine, then go back and read chp 13. Ao3 messed up and didn't change the date of when I updated.**

 

* * *

 

_Kylo takes one last glance back at the statue of his grandmother with light in his eyes before he walks out of the palace. He jogs slightly in order to catch up to Rey and Chewie, and they begin their trek back to the Falcon._

 

* * *

 

Rey wakes up the next day with a jolt, her heart pounding in her chest. The nightmares returned last night, invading her dreams with visions of a decrepit monster and Ben falling to his knees, bellowing out in pain. Calling out her name. She hopes to the stars that these dreams aren’t of future events, but she knows they must mean something. She can feel it. She’s just worried about what.

Getting up off of the bunk, she sees that Ben isn’t sleeping next to her. He must be up already, probably sitting in silence next to Chewie. Rey smiles to herself at the thought of the awkwardness between the Wookiee and his nephew.

She walks into the main room of the Falcon and notices that neither of them is there. Trying to keep her panic from rising too much, she begins to search around the whole ship, calling out their names. 

Rey can’t help it, but her mind wanders to the thought that Ben just took off and left. Took off and left _her_. After he promised he wouldn’t. Her panic begins to rise very quickly as the thought brushes through her mind. Due to that, she becomes more frantic in searching for Ben and Chewie.

“Ben!” There’s no answer. 

Suddenly, as if he can sense her panic, his voice pops up in her head.

**_I’m outside._ **

Her panic takes a minute to dissipate, leaving her out of breath from the adrenaline rushing through her veins. Gathering her wits, Rey opens the hatch and walks down the ramp. Ben is lying outside on a boulder, looking up at the sky. She closes her eyes for a second, savoring the feeling of relief that he’s still here. That he’s still here with her.

When she gets close to him she notices that he’s not staring at the sky at all. He’s lying there with his eyes closed, a thoughtful look on his face. It seems like he might’ve been searching the Force for answers about something. Or maybe he’s just relaxing. But that’s preposterous. Relaxing and Ben Solo don’t really go together very well.

He sits up on the boulder and opens his eyes when he senses her next to him. Her panic ruined his daydreaming. He could feel it suffocating him through the bond with the strength of it. 

“Did you really think I’d leave?” he asks, getting right to the point. He’s not going to ignore her sudden panic attack. He knows the thought appeared in her head.

She looks at him like she really doesn’t know how to answer his question. Or just doesn’t want to. She hesitates. “I don’t know anymore…” She looks him deep in the eye, suddenly very serious. “Would you? Would you leave and go back to the First Order? To Snoke?”

Her slight rage and passion in her words throws him for a minute. He sits there dumbfounded, not knowing how to answer her. Not being able to come up with a response, he just stays silent.

His silence obviously isn’t very reassuring to Rey. “See! You can’t even give me an answer!” She doesn’t know why, but tears start to fill the corners of her eyes.

“I don’t know, ok!” He bursts out, jumping off of the rock and beginning to pace back and forth, looking like a caged animal. “I don’t know if I would go back! _I don’t know anything anymore!_ ” 

Kylo closes his eyes and tries to calm himself down from his sudden outburst of anger. Running his hands through his hair in agitation, he turns to Rey, his chest heaving every time he breathes.

“I don’t know where I stand, Rey… I don’t belong anywhere.” His words become passionate, as if he’s laying all of his cards on the table. Like he’s exposing all of his fears to her. “I have too much light for the Dark Side and too much darkness for the Light… I don’t belong anywhere.” His last statement comes out in an almost whisper, like he’s exhausted from all the torment in his soul. The torment of being forced to choose a side. 

Without saying a word, Rey walks up to him and takes both of his hands into her small ones. She brings them up and holds them close to her chest. Close to her heart. Then she angles her head back to look him in the eyes.

“You could always find the balance… _We_ could always find the balance… together. I’ll help you. You don’t have to do it alone.”

He stares at her, both shocked that she’s holding his hands and what she’s saying. He looks slightly weary at the prospect of trying to find the Grey.

Rey’s eyes just go softer than before, sensing his apprehension. “Don’t be afraid.”

“I’m not afraid.” He says it automatically in defense, but even he doesn’t fully believe his words. He knows, deep down, he’s afraid to fail. That he won’t be able to achieve finding the balance. He’s failed at everything else he’s done. Failed at becoming a Jedi. Failed at being Snoke’s apprentice. Failed at being the son he should’ve been. Why would he start succeeding now?

 _Because I have her_ , he thinks to himself. His thumb begins to stroke the back of one of her hands like it’s one of the most natural things he’s done. Like he’s done it a million times before.

“It’ll be easy for you. _You’ve_ practically already found it.” He tries to not come off like he’s jealous, but he knows she’s so much closer to the Grey than he is. That she’s better at being balanced than he is. This barely trained girl from Jakku is better at walking the thin line between the Dark and the Light than he is.

She looks at him with a tint of pride gracing her features, in addition to a slight blush as if he’s complimented her. “I know… And that’s why I’m going to help you.” A small smirk begins to grow on her face. “ _You need a teacher_.”

He coughs out a laugh at her response, his hands falling out of hers. She just _had_ to bring up his desperate proposition from Starkiller again, didn’t she? Maker, this girl is going to drive him insane one day. And he’s going to enjoy every minute of it.

**_I deserved that, didn’t I?_ **

She nods with a smile on her face. **_Yeah. You did._**

“I’m serious though. You learn from me, and I’ll learn from you… We’ll be a team.” She reaches out a hand, expecting him to shake it. “Deal?”

He stares at her skeptically for a second, studying her every feature and intention. She wants to help him find balance. He’s spent so many years being torn about what side he should be on, and now the scavenger wants to help him find balance. He’ll have to put his full trust into her. On the upside, she’ll have to put her full trust in him as well. After a minute he grasps her hand and gives it a firm shake. “Deal.”

Rey gives him a huge smile before they let go. She takes a look around and notices that they're short one companion. “Where’s Chewie?”

“The fur ball walked off. Probably went back to the market for more food.” He rolls his eyes at his almost uncle’s appetite.

Rey seems to accept this answer because she turns and looks at Ben expectantly. “Then what are _we_ going to do today? We could always start training?”

Kylo’s gaze becomes softer towards her. “Actually, there’s something I want to show you.”

“Oh? What is it? Are we going to go exploring again?”

Kylo can tell he’s clearly peaked her interest when her eyes become large and excited. Not to mention it’s radiating off her in waves. “It’s a surprise,” he says as a small smile forms on his face. He tilts his head in a “this way” motion.

“Follow me.”

Against her better judgment, Rey does.

\- - -

He leads her across the meadows of Naboo’s countryside to a wide lush field of tall grass. Kylo comes to a halt suddenly, making Rey look at him questioningly.

“Why’d you stop? I thought you wanted to show me something.”

He looks nervous for a second before walking close to her. “Close your eyes.”

“I’m not going to close my eyes, Ben,” she says with exasperation.

“Just close them, Rey.” He lifts an eyebrow at her, looking awfully like his father when someone would argue with him. “I won’t let you trip, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

She furrows her brows and narrows her eyes at him, miffed at his comment. “Fine,” she replies as she tentatively closes her eyes. “But I don’t like this.”

“Nobody said you had to.”

Stepping up next to her, he timidly grabs onto her hand to help guide her. She instinctively pulls away at first before calming down and letting him touch her. He leads her through the field to an opening where multiple streams are surrounded by huge waterfalls cascading over the cliffs.

He leads her to the edge where one of the streams meets the bank of the meadow. The rivers and waterfalls create a misty wind that has a cooling effect on their skin. 

Letting go of her hand, Kylo steps to the side and faces the waterfalls. “Open your eyes,” he practically whispers to her.

Very slowly she opens them and is instantly mesmerized at the sight in front of her. She’s never seen something so beautiful in her life. A planet so full of life, and the feeling of the Force swirling through and around everything. She’s still in her stupor when she hears a rustling come from beside her. Turning to her left, she sees that Ben is beginning to take his clothes off. 

Her head whips back up to the waterfalls in front of her, a blush slowly creeping up her neck. “Just what do you think you’re doing?” she questions in a scandalized way.

He pauses in taking off his (Han’s) pants and looks up at her. “I’m going swimming, Sweetheart.” Then he gives her a winning smirk. “Care to join me?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Suit yourself.” With the smirk stuck on his face, he finishes getting undressed to his undershorts.

He doesn’t take his eyes off of her when he slowly walks backwards into the water until it’s up to his stomach. She’s trying to avoid his eyes. Or just avoid looking at his practically naked body. Kylo can’t tell for certain. Perhaps it’s both. When he feels her embarrassment, his pride swells, as well as his smirk. He knows he should feel self-conscious that the sunlight is making his scars more prominent, scars from his "training sessions" with Snoke, but for some reason he feels completely comfortable in front of Rey. He can see her eyes shifting between them, but he doesn't mind. 

“Come on, Rey. Just get into the water… It’s not going to bite. It’s quite refreshing actually.”

She just shakes her head vehemently. “No. I don’t want to.”

“Get in the water.”

“No. _I don’t want to_ ,” she repeats, enunciating every word. She can’t understand why he’s being so persistent. Why can’t he just accept her no and that be the end of it? 

“Just get in the kriffing water!”

“I can’t!” she explodes suddenly. “You _know_  why I can’t!”

His eyes close in a moment of realization. How could he forget that she can’t swim? He had to save her from drowning not a week ago. When he opens them, he’s ashamed of the way he acted towards her. Ashamed that he was pushing her the way he was.

“I’m an ass.”

“No you’re not… Ok, maybe you are. But it’s fine.” She waves him off in a way to say she’s content on dry land. “Enjoy your swim. I’ll enjoy the scenery. What are you doing?”

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion when he begins to make his way out of the water towards her, showing her more of his now wet body. The water has made certain _things_ very visible as his shorts have now become semi see through and are sticking to his thighs. Rey can’t help but gulp as he comes closer.

She has a hard time keeping her eyes on his the closer he gets. He’s practically glistening in the sunlight. _Why the hell did I think that?_ she says to herself as he stops in front of her. _Please tell me he didn’t hear that._

If he heard it, it doesn’t show. All he does is stick his hand out towards her, expecting her to take it.

“What am I supposed to do with that?” She’s thoroughly confused at his intentions.

Kylo rolls his eyes at her. “Take my hand.” 

“No.”

He gives her an exasperated look, becoming quickly annoyed at her negative attitude. “Take my hand, Rey.”

“Why?”

“Do you trust me?”

“No,” she automatically spits out without any real hostility. A response she’s used to saying to him.

**_Do you trust me?_ **

She sighs in defeat. “Well I don’t _want_ to.”

He has a hard time keeping the smirk off of his face at her answer. But nonetheless, he keeps his hand up for her to take. She slowly begins to peel off layer after layer of her clothes, keeping her eyes away from his. He can see her neck becoming redder by the minute. It’s cute that she’s embarrassed to get undressed around him. He tries not to think of the fact that she’s taking off her clothes in front of him, especially because he’s only in his shorts and it’s kind of hard to _conceal_ anything. The clear blue water can only cover so much.

Once she’s down to her breast band and undershorts, she braves up the courage to look him in the eye. With as much poise and pride as she can muster, she wills her hand to place itself in his large one. The second her hand touches his it feels like a spark shoots through both of their hands, making her eyes dart up to his.

Her heart begins to beat so quickly that she swears he’s able to hear it. He starts to walk backwards through the water again, this time pulling her in with him. The water feels almost chilling on her feet when she steps into the stream that she lets out a small gasp. The deeper they get, the more she wants to pull away from him, becoming nervous at the prospect of being in water. She practically died the last time she was in water. Hell, she did die there for a minute.

But then Ben saved her life.

The water is almost at his hips now and well past hers. He can feel that she’s either shaking from the cold water or she’s just really that scared of drowning again.

“I won’t let you drown.”

At his assurance, Rey begins to loosen slightly, trusting him more and more that he’ll keep his promise. He takes her out a little further to where the water is lapping against her chest and her feet are beginning to lose their grip on the rocky bottom of the river. She starts to panic as she begins to float and throws her hands out to grip his arms like a vice.

“I’ve got you. Don’t worry.”

His hands come to her waist to help keep her afloat while his feet are still planted firmly on the bottom. He’s never touched her so intimately before. Well, at least not when she’s conscious of it. He’s surprised that she hasn’t tried to rip his arms off yet for touching her. Though to be honest, his hand placement is probably the last thing on her mind at the moment.

"See? It's not so bad."

"Easy for you to say. You've been swimming your whole life."

Looking around, he comes up with an idea. “How about we go see the caverns under the waterfall?”

Her eyes dart over to where the waterfall is. It’s easily a hundred yards or so across the river that just gets deeper the further you go.

“No. I’m quite fine right here, thank you.”

A mischievous smile grows on his face. “Come on, Rey. Let‘s go exploring.” He tightens his hold around her waist. “If it helps, I won’t let go. You can hold onto me the whole time. I’ll swim the two of us there and back.”

She looks at him suspiciously, trying to figure out if he has something up his sleeve. He actually lets her poke around in his mind for an ulterior motive, but she comes up blank. He honestly just wants to have some fun. It’s been so long since he’s had any actual fun.

“Fine. But you can’t let go!”

His smile widens when she agrees. “I won’t. You have my word.”

He lets go of her waist and tries to turn around but she stops him by squeezing on extra tight to his arms, instantly panicking. "You said you wouldn't let go! You lied!"

“I didn't _lie_. I just can't move like this. Grab onto my back. It’ll be easier for me to swim that way.”

She timidly nods and daringly takes her hands off of him for a second while he turns around before she throws her arms around his neck, her chest pressed against his back.

Kylo puts a hand on the two of hers that are gripping him before glancing back at her as best as he can. “You good?”

She squeaks out a “yes” then he begins to carefully swim towards the waterfalls. The whole time he’s swimming she keeps her vice-like grip around his neck, afraid of letting go.

A few minutes later they arrive at the base of the waterfall, the mist blowing up into their faces, making it hard for them to see.

“Hold your breath for a second.”

“Why?” She can barely hear him from the sound of water crashing right next to them.

“Just… Do it,” he yells back to her.

She takes a big gulp of air, and then he plunges under the waterfall in order to avoid being crushed by the curtain of water. Once they pop up on the other side, Rey lets go of her breath and has to suck in another deep breath immediately, coughing slightly from the water that somehow got into her lungs when they went under it.

Kylo swims them over to the inside of the cave where there’s some flat land. After helping Rey onto the rocks, he pushes himself up. He stands and flips his head back and forth, shaking the water out of his hair like a wet Loth-cat would. Whereas Rey is content just staying on the ground for a second, happy to be on land again.

He looks down at her. “You good?” he yells over the sound of the waterfall. It’s only amplified in the cavern.

All she does is hold a thumbs up to him, not turning in his direction. He laughs at her reaction before bending down and holding out his hand to her in order to help her up. Surprisingly, she automatically takes it and lets him lift her to a standing position.

“This way,” he projects to her but also nods so that she gets the idea in case she couldn’t hear him.

He leads her through the cavern to a place that's slightly quieter. The place they end up has an opening at the top, letting in a beam of light, making it just bright enough to see each other.

Kylo lets go of her hand and steps back. He didn’t really focus on her before while she was undressing, but now he can’t help but look. She’s absolutely stunning to him. Even in the dim light, he’s never seen something so beautiful. Something so pure and light.

“What?” she asks, shaking him from his staring.

“Nothing,” he sputters out as if he’s been caught. He turns and begins to look around the cave, trying to avoid looking at her and her nearly naked body.

The way the beam of light is shining through the crack in the ceiling of the cave causes a rainbow. It also causes the wet rocks to shimmer. And Rey can’t stop looking at everything. To anyone else it would just see like a simple rocky cave, but to her, it’s some paradise swirling with the Force.

Hesitantly, she walks over to Kylo and stops a few inches from him, forcing him to look down at her. “Thank you… for bringing me here. It’s beautiful.”

He’s not looking at the cave when he responds. All he’s looking at is her. “Yes. It is,” he says with the softest voice she’s heard come out of him. 

Rey can’t help but glance away from his eyes to his lips. His face is just too close for her not to. She watches as his Adam's apple bobs when he swallowed thickly. Slowly, he begins to lean down to meet her. Her eyes flutter closed in anticipation without her consent. She can’t believe this is happening, but she’s also not doing anything to stop it. To stop _him_. Her neck extends to meet his, her feet stretching until she’s on her tiptoes.

They’re about a inch away from their lips meeting when a swarm of bogwings flies out of a crevice in the cave upwards towards the crack at the top. The sudden noise frightens them and they rip apart from each other. Rey instantly looks down at her bare feet, ready to pretend that nothing happened. That nothing was _going_ _to happen_. Whereas Kylo stares down at her with a guilty expression, like this was the Force’s way of protecting her from him. The Force is saving her from any hurt he may cause. Saving her from his darkness.

He coughs and turns away from her, determined to avoid her eyes. “We should go back.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we should,” she rushes out, wanting to get past the awkwardness.

Kylo turns and begins to walk back towards the opening of the cave, back to the waterfall. She follows behind him a good distance in silence.

Suddenly Rey comes to a halt, stopped by a feeling. She looks all around her, turning on her feet in a circle. There’s someone watching them, but she can’t figure out who it is. It doesn’t feel threatening though. She’s felt this presence before, on Tatooine. Whoever it is, they’ve followed them here. Followed them to protect them and watch over them during their travels.

Her neck whips to the side. It sounded like someone or something tried to whisper her name. Surmising that she’s just going crazy and hearing things, she shakes her head and continues walking after Kylo.

\- - -

After an awkward swim back to the bank of meadow, they slowly walk out of the water. Neither of them talked the whole way. All Rey did was hold on while Kylo swam as fast as he could. 

They pick up their clothes and begin to put them on, turning their backs to each other. The tension between them is thick and it’s only amplified through the bond. They’re feeling each other’s embarrassment and it’s adding to their own.

The silence is absolutely killing Kylo. And he knows it’s no picnic for Rey either. He can feel that she’s trying to keep him cut off from the bond as much as she can and it feels like half of his soul is slowly being ripped out. He’s been so used to her always being there. Her presence, her light, being strong in the back of his mind. Now he’s being kept out.

When all of their clothes are back on, they head out on their way back to the Falcon. After a few minutes of silence Kylo decides he can’t take it anymore. He needs her to talk to him. Needs them to be okay with each other again.

“I wonder if the Wookiee will be back or not.”

“You know you could call him by his name," she retorts, sounding annoyed.

He turns and looks at her in a mischievous way. She looks at him like she’s been tricked into talking to him. Like she’s not happy that he broke the ice between them. Kylo on the other hand is thrilled that she answered him.

“The day the fur ball looks at me and doesn’t want to rip my arms off is the day that I’ll call him Chewie. Hell, I’ll even call him Uncle Chewie like I used to.” 

This makes Rey stop in her place. Confused, Kylo also stops and looks back at her. She’s staring at him with a very curious expression that makes him uncomfortable.

“You loved him.” It doesn’t come out as a question. She’s stating a fact.

It takes everything in him to not crack or roll his eyes. “I have a few...  _fond..._ memories of the Wookiee, yes.”

Rey just gets a harder look in her eye. “ _You loved him_ ,” she states firmly, walking up closer to him. She’s practically standing under his nose, her head angled up at him.

Her fervor leaves him dumbfounded for a second. Not for the first time today is he absolutely speechless around her, not being able to come up with a competent sentence to answer her. So he just settles for the truth. 

**_I loved them all._ **

His confession actually shocks her. It shouldn’t. She knows deep down that Ben loved, and _still loves_ his family, no matter how much he denies it. He’s never been able to kill that part of himself. He may say that Ben Solo is dead, but it’s just a lie. The shocking part is that he’s finally admitting it. Admitting that Ben Solo is somewhere alive inside him. And she’s determined to bring him out.

“Now enough of this sentimental stuff,” he says, waving her off and stepping back from her. His eyes get that roguish look again and a small smirk begins to grow. “Last one back to the Falcon loses!”

He takes off in a run, leaving Rey in the middle of the meadow by herself.

“That’s not fair! You have longer legs!” she yells at him as she sprints to try to catch up to him. She may be fast, but she knows her short legs are no match for Ben's six-foot plus frame. All she hears is his laugh as she speeds on after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was basically to emphasize the building of trust between the two. And then I decided to add an almost kiss because what the hell.
> 
> I realized that the whole "get into the water" bit was kind of reminiscent of that scene from the Notebook where Noah is trying to get Allie into the water. 
> 
> This was my inspiration for the setting of this chp:  
> https://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/7/7e/Attack_of_the_clones_3.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20160129221934 
> 
> Leave kudos and comments! I love hearing your comments! They make me really happy to hear if you guys are liking the story or not!
> 
> kylosroboarm on Tumblr


	15. My Son, Ben Solo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably  
> *Any of Chewie's spoken dialogue will be in normal italics

_“Now enough of this sentimental stuff,” he says, waving her off and stepping back from her. His eyes get that roguish look again and a small smirk begins to grow. “Last one back to the Falcon loses!”_

_He takes off in a run, leaving Rey in the middle of the meadow by herself._

_“That’s not fair! You have longer legs!” she yells at him as she sprints to try to catch up to him. She may be fast, but she knows her short legs are no match for Ben's six-foot plus frame. All she hears is his laugh as she speeds on after him._

 

* * *

 

Kylo’s lying in his bunk while Rey and Chewie are playing a round of dejarik out in the main room, thinking about his day with Rey. Seeing the beautiful caverns. He can’t believe he actually got her to go swimming. He laughs lightly to himself at the thought of her reacting to the water like a Loth-cat.

Then he thinks about the moment that they had in the cave. Their almost kiss. Rey seems very determined to pretend that nothing happened, but he can’t get it out of his head. Can’t get  _her_  out of his head, no matter how much he tries. And it has nothing to do with the bond.

Suddenly something catches his eyes. He’s looks and finds an engraving that is scratched in the bunk above his. An engraving that  _he_  carved. A long time ago. Back when he was a different person. Back before his fall to the Dark Side.

 

**Ben Solo**

 

He lifts his hand up to it and traces his fingers across the letters. He remembers the night that he etched his name into the metal bunk. It’s one of the fondest memories he has locked in the back of his mind. Not even Rey has seen it.

He doesn’t remember his father ever looking so proud of him. Han Solo had been teaching him the ins and outs of sabacc with Chewie’s help for  _months_. On this particular night he decided he didn’t need his father’s help anymore. After  _many_  rounds of losing to Chewie, the master of sabacc, he wanted to give it one last shot. Much to his, Han Solo’s, and especially Chewie’s surprise, he happened to beat the Wookiee. He remembers his father shooting out of his chair with a holler and hoisting him on top of his shoulders while Chewie started roaring forth accusations of “the Force” and “cheat”.

Han spun him around with the exclamation, “My son, Ben Solo, greatest sabacc player in the galaxy!”

The memory is one of the clearest that he has. One of the memories he tries his hardest to hold on to. Kylo feels his throat closing up at the thought of remembering happy times during his childhood, the few that he actually had. In frustration, or just sorrow, he slams his head back against his pillows so hard that it shakes the whole bunk. His erratic emotions create a small wave of the Force to explode from him causing a small panel on the wall next to the bunk to come loose and fall down.

His head shoots over to the fallen panel.  _What an old piece of junk_ , he thinks, shaking his head at the fact that the Falcon is breaking apart after all of these years. He can feel Rey become aware of his emotions spiking and bleeding across the bond. He realizes that he should’ve tried to cut them off from her so that she can play in peace. That, and she probably heard the crash of the panel hitting the floor.

**_Are you ok?_**  

Right on time. He rolls his eyes at her concern.

**_I’m fine._** He gets off of the bunk and heads over to the wall that the panel fell off of.

**_Then what was the clanging noise?_ **

**_It was nothing. Go back to your game._ **

As he bends down to pick up the piece of metal, he notices a small glimpse of purple and yellow from inside the wall. He places the panel back down and reaches into the hole in the wall, feeling around for something. His hand brushes against something soft. His eyes go wide.

_No._

It can’t be. He lost that decades ago. There’s no possible way that it’s still on this ship. 

Reaching down further, he grasps the fuzzy object and pulls it out of the wall. Kylo holds it in both of his hands and stares at in it shock. How in the stars did this end up in the wall? Behind one of the secret compartment panels? He runs his fingers across the soft fabric, gently caressing it, all of his memories flood back to him.

His memories of his tooka doll. The same tooka doll that his Uncle Lando gave to him. The same tooka doll that his mother would tuck in with him every night. The same tooka doll that his father would make dance to entertain him when he was very small.

Before he realizes it, tears have formed in the corners of his eyes. He doesn’t register how much time has gone by, too distracted by his memories crashing through him in waves. He could’ve been standing there for a few hours or just a few minutes.

The sound of Chewie’s indignant howl shakes him from his trance, taking his eyes away from the doll. He can hear Rey laughing at the Wookiee. 

Rey.

Chewbacca.

Kylo looks all around him in a rush, his head whipping from side to side. He looks at where he is. He’s on the Falcon. He’s on Han Solo’s ship. His  _father’s_  ship. Then he looks down at his clothes and his panic begins to rise very quickly. He looks down and he’s wearing Han Solo’s clothes. His  _father’s_  clothes.

_How the hell did I get here?_  he thinks, confused at how his life has changed so much in just the past few days. A week ago he had been on his way to collect the girl. To get Rey.

Suddenly he finds it very hard to breathe, almost as if he’s beginning to have a panic attack. Needing some air, he drops the tooka doll and staggers out of the bunk room, holding on to the walls the whole time.

He stumbles into the main room where Rey and Chewie are, still fighting for breath. Rey turns to him, instantly becoming worried at his complexion, which is getting paler and paler by the second. A cold sweat has worked its way onto his neck and face.

She gets up from the table and comes over to where he is. “Ben? Are you alright?” She tries to touch his arm, but he rips it away from her, on the verge of hyperventilation.

“Ben, you’re scaring me.” She tries to come closer to him again, but he just backs away like a frightened animal, his eyes wide and darting around the place. “Please. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Instead of answering her, he just shakes his head, gasping for air, tears in his eyes. Turning on the spot, Kylo makes a run for it. He books it for the hatch, using the Force to press the button well before he gets there. Sprinting down the ramp, he doesn’t stop when he gets to the bottom. He just continues on, running farther and farther away from the Falcon.

Rey tries to speed after him, calling his name. “Ben!” She gets to bottom of the ramp and sees that he’s made it quite the distance already. “Ben!” Not being able to help it, tears pool in her eyes as she stands there, not knowing what to do.

Chewie makes his way down the ramp to Rey and puts a hand on her shoulder. He howls out quietly;  _He'll be back_.

She looks up at him, completely lost. Fighting back tears, she turns back to where Ben has disappeared. Resigning herself, she decides to go after him instead of waiting for him to (hopefully) come back to them.

\- - -

Kylo runs and keeps running until he makes it to a cliff. When he reaches the edge, he crashes down onto his knees and lets out a bloodcurdling yell to the stars, his body hunching over as if in pain. The Force erupts from him, causing a boulder near him to explode, but he pays no attention to it. He's too busy screaming into the air. He can’t even see anymore, his vision too blurry from the tears that are filling his eyes.

He grabs his hair in his hands and tugs and pulls with all his might in anguish. Removing his hands from his hair, he begins to beat them furiously on the ground as hard as he can, trying to get all of his frustrations out. Tiny pieces of rock and dirt begin to scrape up his hands, leaving little scratches that are starting to sting.

Good.

He wants to feel the pain.  _Deserves_  to feel the pain.  _Thrives_  off of the pain.

But it’s not enough. It doesn’t hurt enough to quench him.

Kylo begins to get out right pissed. Pissed at himself. At Snoke. At his life. At his mother. At  _Han_.

Looking up at the sky with blurry vision, he screams out at the top of his lungs, “I needed you!” He takes a brief pause to breath. “You were supposed to be there for me! You said it was the two of us against the galaxy! You promised!” His throat begins to become sore from all of his shouting into the empty air. 

His tears start to mix in with his screams. “I needed you!” His voice suddenly gets very soft as his sobs start to take over, his body contracting with every inhale. “You weren’t there for me. I needed you and you weren’t there.”

Putting his head into his hands, Kylo just kneels there in the grass sobbing. “I  _still_  need you,” he whispers out hoarsely into the night air like somehow Han would be able to hear his plea, tears rushing down his face in streams. There’s no response, just as he figured there wouldn’t be. He doesn't deserve a response.

He stays there crying for Maker knows how long. Crying for his father. For his mistakes. Mere minutes feel like hours. After a while he has no more tears to cry, leaving his eyes red and burning. His breathing has also finally returned to normal. His throat, raw from yelling.

Kylo sits there a while in silence and exhaustion, staring out over the cliff to the valley and meadows below. He feels her before she actually gets to him. She followed him up here. He doesn’t turn around to acknowledge her.

Suddenly he’s enveloped with the warmth of a blanket. She’s placed one of the Bantha blankets around him in an attempt to comfort him. All he does is grab onto the corners and wrap it tighter around himself. 

After draping the blanket on Ben, Rey tightens her hold on the other blanket that’s currently wrapped around her own shoulders. Mustering up the courage, she moves and sits down right beside him, looking out at the valley that he’s so intently glaring at.

Looking up at his face from her place beside him, Rey tries to send him calming vibes across the bond. He lets most of them through, surprisingly. Though his expression doesn’t change from the look that he’s angry at the galaxy, he lets her comfort him.

“I don’t remember my parents,” she begins, breaking through the silence. 

Keeping his stoic expression, he interrupts her with a muttered, “Rey, we’ve already had this conversation.”

“ _No._  We haven’t,” she replies, her tone full of fervor. She starts again, “I don’t remember my parents… They left me on Jakku when I was four years old… But  _you_. You’re so  _lucky_  that you had two parents who loved you.”

He doesn’t turn his head, but Rey can see his eyes dart in her direction at her words. “They sent me away, Rey.”

“To your  _uncle_. They sent you away because they  _loved_  you. Because they were  _scared_   _for you_ … Your parents loved you so much that they were willing to try anything to help you. So they sent you to the only person they thought could… My parents just didn’t want me.”

His head finally tilts towards her face somewhat. “You don’t know that.”

“It doesn’t matter now,” she says as she waves him off, not wanting to get into the discussion of her abandonment. “What matters is that your family loved you.  _Still_  loves you. And they want you back.”

She turns to fully face him and grabs his hands and pulls them to her lap, gently stroking his palms with her thumbs. She notices the small scratches on the sides of his hands from beating them on the ground, and she gives him a sad look.

“ _Your mother_   _wants you back_ ,” she states, staring him straight in the eyes.

Kylo doesn’t know what to say, so he just begins to play with her hand as well, rubbing his thumb on the back of her small hand.

Rey cups her hands around his and closes her eyes, focusing all of her energy through her palms. Slowly, all of the scratches begin to disappear until his hands look brand new. He doesn't know how he feels about her healing him when he wanted to feel the physical pain of the tiny cuts to distract him from the torment going on inside of him, but he accepts that she felt the need to fix his hands.

**_I didn't know you could heal._ **

**_Only small things. I didn't get to finish that part of my training before..._**  She trails off, but they both know she's talking about when he showed up on Ahch-To.

They sit there in silence for a few minutes, just living in this intimate moment of touching hands. As time goes on, Kylo gets more and more restless.

“Let’s not go back,” he suggests wildly, jumping up from the ground. His hands ripping out of hers and the blanket slipping off of his shoulders until it hits the grass. 

“Ben, what are you talking about?” Rey asks warily as she also stands up.

“We could just stay here. Where we don’t have any problems.” Kylo walks up closely to her and grabs her hands, practically pleading with her. “Or better yet, let’s just go. We can hide out in the Outer Rim. They’ll never find us there, and we can live out our days in peace.”

He staring at her like a deranged man, trying to convince her to run away with him. Instead of getting condescending, Rey’s eyes soften as she looks at him. He doesn’t like it, but she pities this man. The man trying to run from everything. From all he’s done and who he is. 

“Ben, we have to go back.”

Kylo rips his hands away from her and walks away, beginning to pace. “You realize that if we go back… I’m a dead man. They’ll execute me without a second thought.” 

She walks over to him and re-grabs his hands, bringing them back up to her chest. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it…  _together_.” She feels him relax slightly. “But they need our help, Ben. Without Luke…" She takes a moment to compose herself, tightly shutting her eyes so she doesn't start crying. "We’re their only chance at defeating Snoke. We defeat Snoke and we defeat the whole First Order.”

“I know you want to destroy him. You’ve been thinking it since before Han… I know you. You can’t hide anything from me, Ben Solo.” She gives him a slight smirk to which he just gives her an annoyed look before sobering up again. “So will you do it? Will you come back with me?”

She’s looking at him with tender eyes, pleading him to go with her. Kylo can feel his resolve breaking apart piece by piece. One look at her beseeching eyes and he crumbles to bits. How come he always crumbles? He’s quickly realizing that he’ll never be able to say no to her.

Then again, he thinks he’s  _never_  been able to.

She captivates his mind and soul, and he’ll willingly give her her heart’s greatest desire without question. Anything to make her happy.

Sighing, he strokes his thumb on her palm. “We’re a team,” he practically whispers out in defeat, re-stating what she told him earlier.

Rey’s eyes lighten up immediately at his answer. She’s glad he decided to come back with her. So glad that she’s momentarily not worried about the consequences. She’s just happy he’s coming.

“Good. Then it’s settled. We leave in the morning. I’ll tell Chewie.”

She tries to let go of his hands and turns to leave and head back to the Falcon, but Kylo stops her from walking away. She turns back and looks at him in confusion.

“Can we just… stay out here for a while?” He looks down at his shoes. “It’s calming.” 

Her eyes soften. “Alright. But not for too long. A worried Wookiee is never a good thing,” she says with a laugh in her eyes.

He gives her a small smirk back. “Oh don’t I know it. I grew up with that fuzz ball.”

Kylo walks over to blanket that fell from his shoulders. He picks it up and lays it flat on the grass for them to sit on. Being ever so the gentleman his mother taught him to be, he lets Rey sit down on the blanket first before sitting down next to her.

Rey, on a whimsy, situates the second blanket so that it’s wrapped around both of their shoulders. She tells herself it’s so that he doesn’t get cold, but she’s not sure she believes herself. Especially when she scoots closer to him and rests her head upon his shoulder. Well more his bicep. She’d tell herself that it was for the body warmth, but this time she knows that’s a lie. 

Kylo looks down at the girl on his arm in shock. She’s touched his hands before, but this is a whole new level of intimacy and it’s throwing him. He looks at her with tender eyes before laying his head on top of hers and looking out over the valley, taking in the scenery in the moonlight.

They sit there for a while, just enjoying the silence as well as each other’s company. Ben was right. It is calming to be out here at night. Or is it early morning? Rey can’t tell anymore. They’ve been out here a while, but she has no desire to head back so soon. They’ve been on the run for the past few days and it feels nice to just relax.

All of a sudden, Kylo pulls his head up off of Rey’s. She lifts her head from his shoulder and stares at him in confusion. The blanket falls off of him so Rey brings it back around both of her shoulders, holding it snug against her. He thrusts his hand into the inside pocket of Han’s jacket and tries to find what he’s looking for.

“What is it?” she asks, completely bewildered by his sudden movements. 

He whips his head up at her innocently. “There’s something I wanted to give you.” He finishes fishing through his pockets and holds out the pearl necklace that she was staring at from the market yesterday.

Her eyes automatically widen at the sight of it. “Ben, you didn’t. That was  _way_  too expensive.” 

He thought she’d be thrilled, but it just sounds like she’s chastising him for getting her a gift. His brows furrow in confusion at her reaction, his mouth pursing in a fashion similar to his father when he couldn’t find the words to say.

Finally he comes up with something to say. It’s not the best thing he could’ve said, but it’s better than nothing. “Credits mean nothing to me. I’m a prince for Maker’s sake. I have all the credits I could ever need.”

All she does is glare at him in annoyance. “You're not  _really_  a prince, Ben. That’s just a defunct title.”

“Doesn’t matter. I still have all the credits I need. And I decided to spend them on this. For  _you_ …  _So take the damn necklace, Rey_.” He tries to push it closer to her hands, but she backs away from taking it, keeping her hands in her lap.

“No. I don’t want it.”

A smirk grows on his face. “Now that’s a lie if I ever heard one… I know you like it. I watched you staring at it for five minutes.” He begins to untie the string. “Now please take the necklace.”

“It’s too much,” she says, still trying to protest the gift.

“I  _wanted_  to buy it for you.”

Shocked, she slowly begins to make her way back close to him. When she gets there, she turns her back to him and lifts her hair out of the way, presenting her bare neck to him.

Understanding her intentions, he moves his hands around her neck, laying the pearl gently against her upper chest. Slowly, as if he’s really savoring this moment, he ties up the necklace before grabbing her hair from her hands. He lays her hair back down, brushing it gently with his fingers.

Rey brings her hand up the pearl and lightly strokes it with a small smile on her face. He’s right, she  _did_  want it. She just can’t believe he got it for her. Nobody has  _ever_  gotten her a gift before. She doesn’t know why, but it means more coming from him. 

He’s not expecting it, but suddenly she turns around and quickly pecks him right on the cheek before settling back down on the blanket. He instantly freezes on the spot, not knowing how to react. She’s looking at him with those sweet, tender eyes. Kylo swears that he’s stopped breathing, thrown by the display of affection, if you can even call it affection. He gulps thickly, staying silent for fear that he’ll say something stupid.

She gives him a very small smile that pierces his soul. “Thank you… It was very sweet of you.” He just nods dumbly, still frightened to talk. Or completely unable to.

Rey can’t believe she just called Kylo Ren sweet. Maker, her life has changed so much in the last few days. A week ago they were fighting on a cliff. Now, he’s buying her jewelry and she’s kissing him on the cheek.  _Oh my stars, I kissed him on the cheek,_  she fully realizes. She hadn’t planned on doing that. She doesn’t know what came over her. It just felt right in the moment. It's amazing how far they've come since the cliff on Ahch-To.

Looking over at him, he seems to still have that stupid, shocked expression on, like he’s frozen in time. Giving him a very amused look, she snaps right in front of his face, waking him from his stupor. His head shakes and he blinks close to ten times. She gives a small laugh to his reaction before ducking her head. Rey’s not looking, but she knows his ears are bright red. She knows because she can feel her neck also becoming flushed.

Once he’s out of his shock, he stars down at the blushing girl. It’s dark, but he can still see the slight tinge crawl up her neck to her cheeks. The moonlight is reflecting off her face, making her eyes shine extra bright. He can’t help but be mesmerized at the girl, no,  _woman_  in front of him. She’s the most beautiful thing he’s seen in the whole galaxy.

Wanting to stop the awkwardness, Rey breaks the silence, “Umm, it’s getting late. Well early… Umm, we should probably head back now. Chewie will be worried.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he says softly, still staring at her.

He stands up and holds his hand out to her. Without hesitation, she places her hand in his and he hauls her up off the ground. Rey turns and folds up the blanket from the ground and holds it tightly in her arms, the other blanket still snug around her shoulders. Kylo takes the blanket from her arms and decides to carry it on their way back, allowing her to bundle up more in her own.

\- - -

They come up to the Falcon just about when the sun is beginning to rise. Neither of them realized just how long they had been gone. Time felt infinite out there on that cliff over looking the valley. When it had just been the two of them in their own little world. 

Chewie must’ve seen them approaching because the ramp begins to descend just as they get there. Rey begins to walk up before she realizes that Ben has stopped at the bottom of the ramp. Turning around, she walks back down to him.

She looks somewhat nervous to be around him. “What is it?” She looks at him a bit closer. “Aren't you coming up?”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” he says, looking up at her on the ramp. In his eyes shines the promise that he’s not going to run this time, so she nods. 

He hands her the blanket from in his arms and she hugs it close to her chest. Looking at him with soft eyes, she leans forward and kisses him on the cheek again. This time, not being awkward or quick about it. Her lips linger slightly on his skin, sending tingles through his whole body. 

Rey slowly pulls away, giving him a slight smile. “Thank you… again... For the necklace.”

“No problem, Sweetheart.” The corner of his mouth raises slightly as her tiny smile grows into a grin.

“Don’t take too long. I'll go tell Chewie we're leaving.”

He gives her a nod before she turns and heads up the ramp into the Falcon. He watches her walk away from him, unable to believe how lucky he is that the girl doesn’t seem to hate him anymore. Then again, she never  _did_  hate Ben Solo. Only Kylo Ren. The monster who committed horrible crimes. Crimes he will  _never_  be able to atone for.

He turns his head to the rising sun, and for the first time in a very long time, he doesn't feel the need to push Ben Solo into that small room in the back of his mind. For the first time in a long time, he's accepting that Ben Solo isn't dead. He never  _did_  die. He was just being concealed. Shoved into that place in his mind in order to hide him from Snoke's wandering eyes. Kept hidden because it was easier to say that Kylo Ren did all of those horrible things than facing the truth. 

For the  _first time_  in a  _long time_ , he's accepting the fact that Ben Solo is very much alive. And all it took was the scavenger girl from Jakku to help him realize that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's just going to get more angsty form here on out, so buckle in.
> 
> This chapter was actually inspired by Endless Night from the Lion King musical, check it out and feel the feels  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLaChLkIY_g
> 
> Did y'all like the symbolism of the sun rise at the end. Get it? The SUN was rising and the SON is rising again!  
> I think I'm clever haha.
> 
> Leave kudos and comments! I love hearing your comments! They make me really happy to hear if you guys are liking the story or not!
> 
> kylosroboarm on Tumblr


	16. The Resistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any Force Bond communication will be in bold italics  
> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably  
> *Any of Chewie's spoken dialogue will be in normal italics
> 
> *I started writing this chp BEFORE TLJ came out, so any imagery/info of Crait may be slightly wrong

_He turns his head to the rising sun, and for the first time in a very long time, he doesn't feel the need to push Ben Solo into that small room in the back of his mind. For the first time in a long time, he's accepting that Ben Solo isn't dead. He never did die. He was just being concealed. Shoved into that place in his mind in order to hide him from Snoke's wandering eyes. Kept hidden because it was easier to say that Kylo Ren did all of those horrible things than facing the truth._

_For the first time in a long time, he's accepting the fact that Ben Solo is very much alive. And all it took was the scavenger girl from Jakku to help him realize that._

 

* * *

 

Rey walks down the corridor towards the cockpit from the main room on the Falcon, leaving Chewie behind. They’ve been traveling in hyperspace for a about a day now towards the Resistance base on Crait. At least, that’s where Rey hopes the base is. That’s where it was the last time she made contact with Finn. But she hasn’t talked with the Resistance for a while now.

Ben’s been cooped up in the cockpit since they left Naboo. He’s just been sitting there in the pilot’s seat, staring out of the window as the stars rush by. Rey senses that it’s both because he feels closer to Han in there, and he also really doesn’t want to go back into the bunkroom. Back into the room filled with memories: both painful and happy.

She reaches the cockpit and stops at the door, staring at him. He’s slumped in the seat; arms are crossed over his chest, glaring into space without being conscious of it. She can feel his emotions rushing through him like the waves during a storm on Ahch-To.

“Just come in, Rey.”

Rey sighs. Of course he knew she was there. He _always_ knows when she’s there. Damn bond.

Walking in, she sits down next to him, in Chewie’s designated seat. She bites her lip, not quite knowing what to say. Why is it always awkward around the two of them now? Rey almost misses when they were enemies. They always found something to say when they were fighting.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asks, looking out the window, anxious about his answer.

He slowly begins to look her way. “Rey, if you ask that _one more time_ I’m going to change my mind,” he replies, annoyed.

Her head pivots in his direction. “But this is the first time I’ve asked!”

“I know, but you keep thinking about it. So if you would kindly stop, that would be much appreciated.” He rolls his eyes before turning back to the stars.

She looks at him with her eyebrows creased in apprehension. “I can’t help but be worried. This is a huge decision for you. You’ve defected from the First Order.”

“I’ve been defected for a while now, Sweetheart,” he cuts her off, turning to her with a slight smirk.

“You know what I mean, Ben.” She’s too tired and nervous to deal with his jokes right now. “You’ll be marked as a traitor, and you won’t exactly be welcomed with open arms at the Resistance. You’re a criminal on both sides… I need to know if you really want this… Or did I just force you into it?”

She’s looking at him with a tinge of guilt when he turns to stare at her. He becomes as serious as she is, his joking façade dropped. He twists in his chair so that his whole body is fully facing her. “Rey, look at me.”

Rey turns her body so that it’s pointed towards him. He can see the worry in her eyes as well as her mind. Ben reaches out with both of his hands and cups her cheeks tenderly. She melts slightly at his touch, closing her eyes and savoring the contact.

“I wouldn’t have agreed to this if some part of me didn’t want it. So don’t you dare think you guilted me into this. Because you didn’t. I chose this. Okay?”

She nods her head, still cupped in his hands. Rey stares intently on his face when she gets a little sidetracked. Her fingers come up and gently stroke his nose.

“Your bruise is almost gone.”

With a laugh, he drops his hands from holding her face. “You mean from when you clocked me in the nose? That bruise?” he says, with an amused smirk.

Rey instantly becomes defensive, only half getting that he’s joking. “It was an accident! I didn’t mean to.”

He starts laughing at her, making Rey roll her eyes at him. “You’re going to hold that over my head for a long time, aren’t you?”

His smirk grows even more. “For as long as I live.”

It sounded funnier in his head. The smirk slips from his face when Rey begins to retreat into herself. They both sober up from the dark joke. He didn’t mean to allude to it, but the thought of his possible execution hangs over the both of them like a saber to the neck. They both realize that “for as long as I live” might not be very long.

The pair settles into an uneasy silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts. They just sit there, watching the stars fly by, all the while wondering what exactly is going to happen when they reach the base.

 

* * *

 

After a while, the navigation signals that they are reaching their destination, so Ben pulls the Falcon out of hyperspace. The stars rushing by them come to a stop suddenly, returning the void of space to normal.

They begin to slowly approach a white planet with streaks of red splitting the surface. Rey can see a slight shimmering on the top of the planet’s atmosphere. Of course they’d put a shield up. The only hard part is getting past it. Especially when there’s a fugitive on board.

Rey looks towards Ben, who’s slowly becoming paler than she ever thought he could. Sensing his apprehension, she places a hand on top of his. “How about you go and get Chewie?” she suggests, calmly.

All he does is nod, not fully paying attention to what she’s saying. Ben gets up and leaves the cockpit. Taking the advantage of his absence, she gets on the radio and sends out a signal, hoping the Resistance will pick it up.

She waits for a second before the radio lights up. Quickly pressing the talk button, she spits out, “Hello! This is Rey with the Millennium Falcon and I’m requesting to speak with General Organa.”

There’s a pause before a voice pops up, “How are we supposed to know if--”

Another voice coming over the speaker cuts off the voice. “Rey?”

Rey’s eyes go wide as she fumbles with the radio. “Poe?”

“Stars, Rey. What are you doing here? I thought you were on--”

“Poe, just put me through to General Organa,” she says, cutting him off from his questions. “I need to speak with the General.”

A minute of silence goes by before Rey hears the echo of the radio again.

“General?” she calls out timidly.

There’s some static before a voice calls back. “Rey?”

She’s instantly relieved. She never thought she’d be this happy to hear General Leia’s voice. “General, I need you to lower the shield so that we can land.”

“ _We?_ Luke’s with you?”

Leia sounds so hopeful that it hurts Rey to disappoint her. “No… It’s a long story… It’s Chewie and I and…” Rey closes her eyes and takes a pause. She can practically feel the General’s, not to mention Ben’s, anxiety. “… and Ben.”

Rey hears a slight gasp before Leia whispers out, “Ben?”

“I told you, it’s a long story. I’ll explain after we land. Just please, lower the shields.”

The radio goes silent. For a second Rey thinks that they’re being dismissed. That Leia’s protecting the Resistance by not letting them land. By not letting Ben onto the planet. She drops the radio down on the console and places her head in her hands before something catches her eye. The shimmering above the planet seems to be disappearing.

Oh thank the Force.

They didn’t come all this way for nothing. Ben didn’t defect for nothing.

Chewie walks into the cockpit just as the shield finishes lowering. Ben must’ve stayed in the main room, probably mentally preparing himself for what’s going to happen when they land.

Her and Chewie set the controls and expertly begin to descend to Crait's surface. When they get low enough they see Resistance members guiding them into a hanger. They carefully enter the hanger and land the Falcon, causing red dust to fly up in a cloud.

Quickly getting up out of her seat, Rey leaves the cockpit, yelling back, “Chewie, keep the hatch locked for now!”

She walks into the main room to find Ben sitting around the table twiddling his thumbs, the strength of his emotions causing the room to feel thick with anxiety, nearly choking Rey. He doesn’t look up, so she walks over and kneels down in front of him.

“Hey,” she says softly, laying her hand on his knee. “Are you ok?”

Ben mutely nods, being too scared to even form a sentence. He places his hand over Rey’s small one on his knee, lightly brushing the top with his thumb. His brow is creased in thought.

**_What is it?_ **

He opens his mouth to speak before closing it again. Slowly he stands, pulling Rey up with him. He looks at her for a second, trying to memorize every feature on her face, even the tiniest freckle. He wants to remember it all, just in case. Ben strokes her cheek slowly, savoring the moment knowing it could very well be the last time he will ever get to do this.

She presses her cheek into his hand slightly, also reveling in the feeling of his touch. The feeling of his skin on hers.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen when we open this door,” he says, finally finding the courage to speak.

“Whatever happens, we’re a team, remember? We’ll get through it together,” she answers back, though it’s hard to sound completely confident.

Turning her head, she presses a small kiss to the palm of his hand. She can feel the light surge inside him at the act and it makes her smile gently.

The moment is broken by Chewie howling out that the Resistance is demanding that they open the hatch. Rey’s eyes dart to Ben’s, both of them thinking the same thing; the Resistance knows he’s here. That Kylo Ren is in the Falcon.

“Chewie and I will go down first.” 

They finally separate and Rey walks over to the hatch where the Wookiee is already waiting for her, mentally preparing herself to open it. She places her hand on top of the button before a thought pops into her head. She turns back to Ben, who hasn’t moved from his spot by the table.

“Ben!”

He slowly turns to meet her gaze and she can see the sheer panic beginning to surface in the depths of his eyes.

“Whatever they may do, promise me you won’t fight them. Don’t give them more of a reason to want you dead. Please,” she pleads.

His gazes warms a bit at her concern, extinguishing some of his apprehension. “I promise, Sweetheart.”

She nods then gives him one last worried look before turning away. With a deep breath Rey presses the button, opening the hatch door.

Chewie and her walk slowly down the ramp. Waiting for them at the bottom is Poe and a multitude of guards with blasters. A deep feeling of dread settles in the bottom of Rey’s stomach. _I have a bad feeling about this_ , she thinks.

Poe steps forward and looks at her. “Rey, Chewbacca, welcome back,” he says stoutly with a warm look in his eyes.

The jovial expression goes away as quickly as it came. He turns behind him and nods and the guards, giving them some kind of signal.

The guards disperse in various ways. Two walk forward and grab onto both of her arms. Another two go and grab onto Chewie, though they have to hold him tighter.

“Hey!” she exclaims, instantly starting to struggle and trying to pull her arms out of their hold. “What’s the meaning of this?”

“It’s only precautionary,” Poe replies.

He signals the rest of the guards towards the Falcon. They hold up their blasters and walk up the ramp carefully, and Rey panics. Her struggling becomes more violent.

“Poe, don’t hurt him! Please don’t hurt him!”

The guards restraining Rey strengthen their hold on the hysterical Jedi.

From inside the Falcon Ben hears Rey begin to scream and he instantly realizes this isn’t going to go as smoothly as they thought. Then again, why should it? He’s a war criminal and murderer. Of course it’s not going to go smoothly. When has anything in his life ever gone smoothly?

He sees the guards coming up the ramp and tries to stay calm. Well as calm as he can. Closing his eyes for one last moment of freedom, he raises his hands and places them behind his head.

The guards surround him, their blasters pointed at him. One of the guards steps forward and grabs his saber from his belt. He knew they would confiscate it, feeling safer without it being in his possession. Sure it's a weapon he's very proficient with and relies on, but Ben knows that if he really wanted to, he wouldn't even need a saber to do damage. 

Another guard crashes the butt of his blaster into his stomach, causing Ben to double forward. He gasps as the wind is knocked out of him. Two other guards come forward and grab both his hands, forcing his arms down and behind his back.

Everything in Ben tells him to fight back, to kill them all, but he fights the urge. He promised Rey he wouldn’t, so he just takes it.

The guards push him forward, dragging him down the ramp. His eyes instantly lock with Rey’s, who’s still struggling in the arms of two guards.

“Ben!” she calls.

He wants to call out to her, to make sure that she's alright, that they haven't hurt her, but he keeps silent, fearing that anything he says will be used against him. Or could endanger her.

They get to the bottom of the ramp and one of the guards punches him in the stomach, causing him to double over again. His vision doubles for a moment at the pain and he hears Rey shriek his name again.

He’s shoved to his knees by the guards, feeling his kneecaps instantly bruise at the impact. He grunts when they shove his head down hard, his hair covering his face like a black veil. His arms are still being held tightly behind his back.

He lifts his head when he hears footsteps. His eyes lock on Poe who’s walking towards him, a smug look on the his face.

Ben holds his chin high, glaring up at the man he once tortured.

Poe glares down at him just as viciously. Ben doesn’t have time to say anything before he feels a fist collide with his jaw, his head whipping so fast to the side he goes blind for a moment.

His head spins from the force and he hears Rey scream at Poe along with a roar from Chewie. He hears the rustle of guards attempting to hold back the 7 foot tall Wookiee. Ben feels the blood trickle down his chin from his lip when Dameron grabs him by the hair, forcing his face up to look at him.

Poe has on a vengeful smirk. “So we meet again, _Kylo Ren_. Though it seems this time our roles have changed.”

Ben has the urge to spit the blood pooling in his mouth on the cocky pilot but resists. It’s becoming harder and harder to keep his promise to Rey.

“Take him away.”

Poe shoves his head back down forcefully, making Ben grunt. He then turns and walks away, wiping his fist on his pants.

Ben lifts his head and his eyes lock onto Rey’s. She looks as if she’s trying not to cry. He scans her up and down, making sure she wasn’t harmed or anything. The skin on her arms is starting to bruise from where the guards are holding her so tight. Ben feels his anger flare, but she subtly shakes her head, knowing his thoughts.

He attempts to calm down as the guards close in on him. They yank him to his feet and force his arms to the front of his body. One guard holds up a pair of bulky metal cuffs. Instantly he knows what they are.

Instead of calming down he begins to panic again. The Force inside him instantly flares up, becoming a hurricane, whirring around him erratically. He can’t help but start struggling, his eyes darting back to Rey.

**_Don’t tell them, Rey! Don’t tell them about the bond! Do you understand me?_ **

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion, becoming worried when she feels his panic.

**_Ben, what are you talking about?_ **

**_Do you understand me?_ ** he screams in her mind.

She answers back immediately, almost as if she was a child who’s been scolded. **_Yes._**

 ****But she doesn't understand his sudden urgency. Her agreement makes him calm down slightly, but he's still struggling in the arms of the guards. It's almost as if something inside his body is revolting against him. Over the bond she can feel his Force signature screaming, whirling around, becoming violent in his hysteria.

Ben struggles more the closer the guards get with the cuffs. The men holding onto him just tighten their grips, bruising his forearms. One of the guards crashes his hands together while the other clasps the cuffs around his wrists.

He immediately gasps loudly in agony and doubles over, falling to the ground, all of his energy seeming to be ripped from his body. He feels scarily empty inside, being violently cut off from the Force.

Across from him, Rey also crashes to her knees on the floor, leaving her out of breath. She looks up at Ben, trembling, her eyes filling with tears. There's a look of pure horror spreading across his face and it's scaring Rey. 

Exhaustedly, he looks up at Rey, and for once, she can't tell what he's thinking, has no privilege of being able to shuffle through his inner thoughts. She can only see the fear in his eyes. She's sure the same fear is mirrored in her eyes. 

“Ben,” she whispers out shakily. A single tear falls from her eye. She feels so lonely without his presence in the back of her mind. A loneliness she hasn't felt in a while.

With one last scared look at her, Ben passes out, the guards just letting his face smack on the floor. They lift him harshly up by his arms and drag him away, out of the hanger. Away from Rey. There's a smear of blood from where his face hit the ground.

Rey feels the guards release their grip and let go of her. They are soon replaced by two furry arms, holding her tightly and protectively. She leans further into the arms, still watching the place the guards dragged him away from. Staring at the blood on the ground. Ben's blood.

More tears have begun to fall from her eyes, her vision becoming hazy, but Rey has barely noticed, her mind too preoccupied on Ben. And the connection that’s been stolen from her.

"I... I can't feel him, Chewie," she sobs out, gasping for breath. "I can't feel him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're finally at the Resistance. Who said it'd be easy sailing?
> 
> I'm sorry for making Poe such an asshole in this chp, but lets be real, he'd probably want some kind of revenge since Kylo tortured him
> 
> Leave kudos and comments! I love hearing your comments! They make me really happy to hear if you guys are liking the story or not!
> 
> kylosroboarm on Tumblr


	17. Cell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably
> 
> It's been such a long time since I last updated and I feel so bad. I got busy with my last semester at school and also just got stuck in writer's block. But I'm back now that summer has started and hopefully I'll be able to finish it.

_With one last scared look at her, Ben passes out, the guards just letting his face smack on the floor. They lift him harshly up by his arms and drag him away, out of the hanger. Away from Rey. There's a smear of blood from where his face hit the ground._

_Rey feels the guards release their grip and let go of her. They are soon replaced by two furry arms, holding her tightly and protectively. She leans further into the arms, still watching the place the guards dragged him away from. Staring at the blood on the ground. Ben's blood._

_More tears have begun to fall from her eyes, her vision becoming hazy, but Rey has barely noticed, her mind too preoccupied on Ben. And the connection that’s been stolen from her._

_"I... I can't feel him, Chewie," she sobs out, gasping for breath. "I can't feel him."_

 

* * *

 

“Let me see him.”

General Organa barely has the chance to get through the door of the conference room that Rey is currently being held in before the demand is thrown at her from the anxious Jedi.

“That is out of the question.”

Rey starts towards Leia. “But you can’t just-”

“Yes I can... And I have,” the General cuts Rey off, holding up her hand. “And I want no more discussion of it.”

Leia gives Rey a serious glance that’s tinged with a hint of pain and worry before sitting down at one of the comfortable chairs surrounding the large table in the middle of the room. Her back is perfectly straight, her hands folded neatly on the table in front of her. She’s ever so much the princess that Bail and Breha taught her to be, even in her older age. But she also has an air of exhaustion, worn down by old age and the hardships in her life. She watched her home planet be destroyed and yet she fears she has never faced a challenge as difficult as what lies before her.

“Sit. Please.”

Rey hesitantly sits down in the chair directly across from Leia, still wanting to demand about seeing Ben, but she guesses that annoying the General might be counterproductive in the long run.

Before Leia has a chance to begin, Rey leans to the front of her seat and looks imploringly at the General. “You know as well as I that those cuffs could kill him. He _needs_ the Force,” she quietly says, almost pleading with the woman across from her. With Ben’s mother.

Leia looks down at her hands, swallowing thickly, almost as if she’s trying to keep her composure. “We can’t risk him escaping or hurting anyone else,” she chokes out, trying to sound professional, more like a tactical leader than a mother.

“Then you’ve condemned your son to death.”

Leia’s eyes shoot up to Rey’s, whether at her insolence or the harsh truth in the statement. All Rey does is stare back in defiance, her back straightening as she sits up in her chair.

“Rey, you would be greatly mistaken if you believe that this is anywhere near easy for me.” Leia stands and begins to pace slightly along the wall of windows. “None of this is easy... That is my son... The boy that I raised.”

Rey watches Leia. Her gazes softens as she looks out the window, thinking about her son when he was little. Freckles scattered across his face. Hope in his eyes and the Light ever so bright inside him. 

Leia blinks, returning to the present. “But I have a job to do and a galaxy to try to protect... And my son... has done so much harm. Not even I can be blind to that… I have to do what’s right… as painful as that might be.”

Her last statement causes Rey to shoot out of her seat. She marches around the table over to Leia. “Maybe the right thing isn’t the obvious choice. Maybe there’s another option.”

“Trust me, I wish there was. But he’s killed too many… I can’t risk it. Now no more about it.”

“But-”

“No. That’s enough about the subject.” Leia calmly sits back down at the table, gesturing for Rey to do the same. “Now we need you to tell us what happened, and any information about the First Order that Kylo Ren might have told you.”

Rey plops down in the chair across from Leia again, crossing her arms. “I’ll tell you if you let me see him.”

Leia gives her a stern glance. “I told you. That is not up for discussion.”

“Please. You don’t understand,” Rey pleads quietly.

“Then help me understand, Rey. Tell me what happened.” Leia’s gaze softens, almost becoming tender but still staying professional.

“I...I can’t.” Rey suddenly gets nervous, remembering her promise to Ben about keeping the bond a secret. Her eyes shift around the room.

“And why can’t you?”

She closes her eyes for a second, trying to calm herself down. “I just can’t.”

Leia leans forward towards the near panicking Jedi. She narrows her eyes, trying to read the girl through intuition and through the Force.

“Look, Rey. I know you’re hiding something. If you tell me now, I can help you figure it out and you’ll have greater protection. But sooner or later the truth will come out. And you and I alike would rather it be sooner.”

Rey just puts on a mask of defiance, raising her head at the General. She doesn’t say another word.

Sighing in slight annoyance, Leia gets up and walks to the door. “Rey. We will find out. Whether it be from you… or from him.”

Rey’s eyes go wide, her head whipping around to Leia. She can see the General is serious but she can also see the pain in her eyes to say it.

“Lock the doors when I’m gone. I want two guards posted outside this door at all times. She doesn’t leave this room. Understand me?” Leia commands to the two Resistance guards outside the door. With one more look at Rey, she exits, the door locking behind her.

“No...no!” Rey rushes to the door, slamming her fists into it. “I need to see him!”

Her eyes start to blur, her fists beginning to bruise. “Please let me see him.” Exhausted, she slides down against the door to the floor, tears streaming slowly down her face. “I need to see him,” she sobs out.

 

* * *

 

As Leia approaches the hallways of cells the booming sound of something slamming against metal grows louder and louder the closer she gets. She doesn’t need to see him to know that her son is throwing himself against the cell door. What surprises her are the screams coming from inside the cell.

“WHERE’S REY? If you did anything to hurt her I swear I’ll kill you!” bursts from the cell along with a loud boom.

Leia flinches, not so much at the threat itself, it’s not a secret of her son’s violent nature, but at the passion in which he said it. To her it sounds almost as if he wishes to protect the girl. Like he might care for her.

Poe and several other Resistance guards are in front of the door when Leia walks up. She can imagine they've been taunting him quite a bit through the barred window.

“Stand down and move aside,” she says to the guards, attempting to approach the door.

Poe throws his arm in front of her before she can pass. “Do you really think that’s wise, General? He killed Han and countless others. It's not safe.”

“I know what he’s done, Commander. I don’t need you to remind me,” she barks out, brimming with an air of authority over the pilot. “What I need is for you to open the door. Now.”

As if he’s a scolded child, Poe begrudgingly takes out his card key and holds it against the pad before entering a code. The door unlocks with a big clang. Leia doesn’t look back at Poe before bravely entering the cell.

Surprised at the sudden intrusion, Ben lifts his head slowly towards the nearing figure. The blood has been cleaned from his face, but his chin is starting to show a huge, purple bruise from Poe’s fist. The cut on his lip is puffy and bright red.

Leia is speechless for the first few moments. Her little baby boy is a man. A man wearing Han Solo’s clothing. The clothing of the man he killed. He’s always looked like Han, but seeing him as a full grown man dressed like that makes her do a double take. It’s almost as if Han was right in front of her again. That is, until he spoke.

“Well if it isn’t the General,” he pipes up, sarcasm dripping from each word.

Ben doesn’t have time to react before Leia slaps him right across the face, his head whipping to the side. His hand comes up, readjusting and rubbing his already bruised jaw.

“Nice to see you too.”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare,” Leia spits out, pointing her finger right in his face. She’s calmly trying to restrain her fury for the man in front of her.

All Ben can do is stare down at the tiny woman in silence for a moment. He knew it wouldn’t be easy seeing his mother again, not after everything he's done, but he never could imagine the sheer hate in her eyes as she looks at him.

Leia sighs. “Why are you here, Ben?”

“Where’s Rey?” He interrupts her, dodging her initial question.

“She’s far away from you.”

Ben moves away from Leia, starting to pace slightly. “Please. I need to know that she’s safe. Tell me where she is. I need to see her.” He’s trying not to sound like he’s pleading, but he knows he’s failing miserably.

Leia stares at him calculatingly. She tries to sense any motives he might have surrounding the girl, but she finds none. Neither through her own intellect or the Force. She can only sense that her son is being genuine when he asks about the safety of the young Jedi.

“I will not tell you where she is… but I can tell you that she’s safe. And that no harm has come to her.”

Leia watches as her son’s whole body relaxes slightly at her news, like it’s been the only reason he’s been tense despite being locked in a cell. She’s realizing that her son might be so much different than she believed he would be.

“Why are you here, Ben?” she asks again in the slightly calmer silence.

Ben sits slowly down on the metal cot along the wall, wincing from the pain over his body. The bruises on his abdomen screaming. “It was time.”

Leia’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Time?”

“...To give myself up.”

She tries not to, but Leia can’t help but feel remorse for the way her son is being treated under her authority. It mystifies her that he gave himself up willingly. She figured Rey captured him somehow and brought him home.

All she can do is nod her head before turning towards the door, too shocked to say anything else.

The door opens and before she can walk out Ben pipes up, “Can you at least take them off?”

She turns back to the man who was once her sweet, little boy. He’s looking at her with such pained eyes, physically hurting from being cut off from the Force.

“And have you escape?” she replies, as painful as it is to say.

Ben drops his head, his cuffed hands laying pathetically in his lap.

“I know how it’s affecting you… and trust me…. it brings me no pleasure to keep them on you… But it’s what needs to be done… We can't risk you breaking out... I’m sorry,” she breaks off, her throat closing up slightly and tears forming in her eyes.

Before any tears can fall, Leia turns and exits. The heavy cell door shuts and locks behind her, sending Ben into darkness with the only light source coming from the small window of the door.

Ben lays down on the metal cot, longing to feel the thrum of the Force through his veins. Longing to feel Rey in the back of his mind. The only thought that is getting him through is the fact that she’s safe.

He fulfilled his uncle’s last wish.

 

* * *

 

Rey is sitting in one of the chairs around the table, leaning her head in her hands. Her eyes sting slightly from all of the tears she’s shed over the past little while.

Thousands of questions run through her mind at once. What are they doing to him? Is he alright? Are they hurting him?

_Is he already dead?_

The last one she tries not to think of but can’t help it popping up in the back of her mind. Popping up in the place that he used to reside.

Her eyes fill up with tears yet again. Exhausted, she lays her head down in her arms on the table. She reaches into her shirt and pulls out the necklace that Ben gave her back on Naboo. Clutching onto the pearl, the tears fall from her eyes, dripping down her face onto the table. Rey silently cries herself to sleep, never letting go of the pearl. Of her lifeline to Ben.

It’s been months since Rey’s mind has been her own. Months since Ben has taken up residence in it. And now suddenly he’s gone.

It’s been months since she’s been this lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Leia kinda comes off as a cold bitch in this chapter, but it's because she's trying to keep sentiment away from what she has to do. She's trying to put the law in front of her own feelings.
> 
> kylosroboarm on tumblr
> 
> Leave kudos and comments! I love hearing your comments! They make me really happy to hear if you guys are liking the story or not!


	18. Lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

_Her eyes fill up with tears yet again. Exhausted, she lays her head down in her arms on the table. She reaches into her shirt and pulls out the necklace that Ben gave her back on Naboo. Clutching onto the pearl, the tears fall from her eyes, dripping down her face onto the table. Rey silently cries herself to sleep, never letting go of the pearl. Of her lifeline to Ben._

_It’s been months since Rey’s mind has been her own. Months since Ben has taken up residence in it. And now suddenly he’s gone._

_It’s been months since she’s been this lonely._

 

* * *

 

Rey is wandering around the base, completely lost in the maze of halls and doors. It’s been a few days since she arrived at the Resistance. A little while after talking to Leia that first day, she was escorted to a room. Her new quarters. Guards were coming to give her her meals, but Leia decided that it was time that she finally join the rest of the base. She was even given an I.D. key card to be able to access certain rooms around the base.

“Rey?”

She automatically turns the moment she hears the voice say her name. A smile splits her face in two. The first smile she’s had since coming to the Resistance base.

“Finn,” she replies softly, almost as if it couldn’t be true.

Racing down the empty corridor, she wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. It’s been so long since she’s seen her best friend. So much has happened. The last time she saw him he was unconscious and covered in a bacta patch. She finds that she can’t stop smiling.

Finn wraps his arms just as tightly around her waist, relieved that his friend is alright. "You really are back." He was so worried about her. He woke up and Leia told him that she had gone to look for Luke, but that was all they knew. No one had heard from Rey since.

“I'm back. I’ve missed you so much,” she whispers.

“I never thought I’d see you again. You never made contact, we thought something happened to you.”

He pushes her away slightly to look in her eyes, still keeping his hands on her shoulders.

“I’m so glad you’re ok.”

Rey’s smile widens even more. “I’m fine. Especially now that you’re here.”

Finn gets a worried look in his eye, observing his friend. “What exactly _did_ happen, Rey?”

Her smile drops a touch. “That’s a long story. I promise I’ll tell you… just not now.”

Finn pauses, intent on pressing the issue, but then just nods his head. Rey will tell him when she’s ready. There’s no use in pestering her about it. She can be hot headed when she wants to be and he would rather stay on her good side. Especially now that he finally has his friend back.

He lets go of her, turning to head down the hallway. “Come on, lunch is ready in the mess hall.”

Finn turns to her almost excitedly. “So did you actually meet the famous Luke Skywalker?”

Sorrow flashes in Rey’s eyes before she puts on a happy face, trying not to think of her former master or the sacrifice he made for them. “Yes.”

“And he taught you to be a Jedi and stuff?”

Rey can’t help but laugh. “Yeah, and stuff.” What she leaves out is that she also learned part of the dark side or that she practiced with Ben. She figures Finn might not take it too well right now.

“So is he everything the legends make him out to be?”

“Mostly.” A big grin makes its way back onto Rey’s face. “But he can’t cook to save his life.”

Finn looks at her like she’s crazy. “He can’t cook?”

Rey breaks off laughing quietly. “No. He’s absolutely atrocious at it. I’m surprised he survived so long by himself.”

It’s either Finn laughs at the idea of Jedi Master Luke Skywalker not being able to cook, or at the sheer mirth on Rey’s face thinking about it. He loves when Rey smiles. She doesn’t do it enough in his opinion.

He stops them in front of a large set of double doors. “Here we are.” He hold his key card up to the scanner and opens one of the doors. “My favorite room in this entire place; the mess hall.”

The two walk into the huge room. Long rectangular tables are lined up, benches on either side. In the corner is a buffet line in front of a window looking into the kitchen. Metal trays are stacked at the beginning of the line. The room is currently fairly empty, lunch having just started.

Finn nods his head towards the buffet line. “Come on. I’ll show you how it works.”

They walk over to the line and Finn picks up one of the trays, placing it on the bar. He motions for Rey to do the same. They wait for the line to move forward.

“So where is everyone else?”

“Doing various jobs and duties. It’s more of an eat when you can sort of deal here. Breakfast runs from 6:30 to 8, lunch from 11 to 1, and dinner from 5 to 7. You don’t want to miss dinner though or you won’t eat until breakfast.”

Rey nods her head. “Got it.”

She’s doesn’t tell him that she’s used to not eating until breakfast. She’s never had three whole meals everyday before. Not even on Ahch-To. Her and Luke would usually only have two. She was lucky on Jakku if she had even one a day. There were many times when she went days without any.

They move down the line, nearing the kitchen window. Finn picks up two cups from the stack, placing one on his tray and one on Rey’s.

“If you’re smart, you’d get here fairly early. That’s when the food is the freshest, and still hot. You show up at the end and you might as well just wait til the next meal.”

Rey laughs, shaking her head at Finn’s passion and extensive knowledge about food in the mess hall. Then again, he’s also probably in awe at the fact that he gets three meals a day too. Having grown up in the First Order, he probably had a very structured, specific diet.

The pair finally make their way to the kitchen window. The server is on the other side, vats of food in front of her in warmers. She’s relatively young with bright red hair and green eyes. Freckles are sprinkled across her face and nose. A small smile forms when she sees Finn.

Finn gives her a bright smile. “Hey Korrin. How’s my favorite lady today?”

The girl, Korrin, rolls her eyes. “Same as everyday, Bigshot.”

“What’s on the menu?”

She pulls a ladle out of one of the vats and plops the contents on Finn’s tray. “Bantha stew and bread.” Reaching back to the side, she grabs a roll and places it on his tray as well.

Finn looks down at the tray before looking back up at the young woman. His eyes crinkle at the sides as a smirk grows on his face. “Oh come on. You know you’re my favorite.”

Korrin lets out a small sigh and rolls her eyes. “I can’t keep giving you extras, Finn. We have to ration for everyone.”

“Oh come on, Rinny.” He leans close to her, separated by a pane of glass protecting the food. “I’ll convince Poe to give you more flying time.”

She pauses before nodding her head in concession. “Fine. But you better come through.” She puts another roll on his tray.

Finn winks at her and gives a winning smile. “You know I will.”

“Yeah yeah.”

Korrin sees Rey and fills her tray. She turns back to Finn and nods her head over. “Who’s your friend?”

“This is Rey.”

“Rey? As in _the_ Rey? The Rey who went to find Luke Skywalker?”

Rey looks between Korrin and Finn confused at the fact that people know who she is. And it seems like she’s a big deal. She doesn't exactly feel comfortable with the fact that people know her having never met her before.

Korrin turns back to her excitedly. “Finn’s told me so much about you. It’s amazing to finally meet the girl who beat Kylo Ren.”

His name makes Rey freeze.

_Ben._

She’s been having so much fun with Finn that she’s completely forgotten about him. Forgotten that he’s locked in a cell, cut off from the Force. Cut off from her. Guilt washes over her. It’s her fault that he’s locked up right now, that he might die because of her. She’s the one that convinced him to come back. To give himself up to the Resistance.

“Rey?”

Her name pulls her out of her stupor. She shakes her head to clear it.

“Hmm?”

She looks over to Finn who’s nodding his head over to Korrin, signaling that Korrin is still waiting to be answered.

“Oh yes! It’s nice to meet you too. I’m glad Finn’s had a friend to talk to while I was away.” She gives the girl a small smile that hopefully comes across as natural and genuine.

“Well you two should probably sit down and eat now. You’re holding up my line.”

Finn gives Korrin a smile. “I’ll talk to you later.”

He grabs one of the water pitchers before leading Rey over to one of the long tables and sitting down. He fills both his and Rey's cups up then excitedly starts to dig into his food, using his rolls to sop up the stew. 

Rey begins to eat at a more controlled pace, not wanting to seem too eager to be eating such a huge, rich meal. “Your friend seems nice.”

“Oh please. She’s _pleasant_ on a good day.”

His sarcastic tone makes Rey giggle quietly. She’s missed her friends sense of humor. He’s always been able to make her laugh and brighten her day.

“But she’s become a good friend. You know, she was the one to bring me food while I was in the med bay. I was just thrilled to have someone to talk to. And we just kind of hit it off I guess.”

Rey smiles at her best friend. “I’m glad.”

Suddenly a figure plops down on the bench across from them, startling Rey.

“Hey, Finn. Rey.”

“What’s up, Poe?”

Rey stares at the man sitting across from them. She’s met the pilot before and they got on well enough then, but ever since she’s gotten back, ever since him and his men hurt Ben, she doesn’t know what to think about him. All she can do is stare at him in silence as the two boys go on talking. She sits and eats, not being able to look away. She vaguely hears the two men talk about “Korrin” and “flying”.

\---

_Meanwhile_

\---

“You have to eat the food.”

Ben doesn’t reply. He’s sitting on the floor of his cell, his back leaning against the wall. A tray of food is lying on the floor in front of him, but he’s only looking at his still cuffed hands. The skin around his wrists is becoming raw and angry from the constant friction from the handcuffs.

Leia huffs out a heavy sigh, becoming quickly frustrated with the man in front of her. “You stubborn boy. Just eat the damn food.” He hasn’t been eating any of the food they’ve brought him over the past few days. She’s finally had enough and has taken it upon herself to get him to eat.

“Why?” he croaks out, his voice scratchy from lack of use. “You’re just going to kill me anyway. Why waste the resources?”

It’s such a morbid thought, but Leia can’t help it. She coughs out a laugh, amazed by her son’s ability to be a smart ass. She shakes her head at the man on the floor. Ben side eyes her through his tangled hair, shocked and confused by her sudden laughter.

“You’re so much like Han that I sometimes I forget you’re also like me. As stubborn as a bantha.”

They both become quiet for a moment, neither knowing what to say. Han will always be an awkward subject for them no matter what Ben’s fate may be. Leia clears her throat, covering up her sentimentality. “Eat the food.”

“Why?” he grunts out again.

Leia rolls her eyes, her frustrating returning instantaneously. “Because unlike the First Order, we don’t starve or torture our prisoners.”

Ben quickly lifts his head and looks at her, fire burning deep in his eyes. He holds his wrists up. “Oh really? Then why am I wearing these?”

His question startles her for a second, throwing her off guard. She regains her composure. “You know why… And besides, being cut off from the Force is not torture.”

He glares at her feet. “You wouldn’t know,” he mutters darkly.

“No...but I do know _actual_ torture.”

Her mind runs wild thinking about Vader and his men. Memories of pain flooding her body in order to make her talk and spill Rebellion secrets. Not even the destruction of her home planet can compare to the pain she experienced that day. The only thing that was worse was childbirth.

Ben’s glare moves up towards the General. “And you don’t think I do?”

Leia gives out a small snort, unfitting for someone of her standing. “Oh I’m sure you’re quite familiar with different techniques. Just ask Commander Dameron.”

He rolls his eyes, shifting them back towards the cuffs around his wrists.

“Just eat the food already, and we’ll be done with this.”

He doesn’t reply, glaring harder at his shackled wrists. Leia sighs heavily before moving towards the door. If he won’t eat now she’ll try again at dinner.

Just before she opens the door he pipes up.

“Have you ever been hit with Force lightning?”

His question causes her to stop and turn back around to face him. “No... But I know Luke has. He said it’s not pleasant.”

Ben’s still glaring at his cuffs, but his face turns dark and haunted. “It’s unimaginable. It’s like being set on fire. _Pain_ surging through every nerve in your body.” He breaks off for a moment, like it’s hard to even talk about. “Sometimes you can’t even scream... You just have to sit there and _take_ it... and pray that it ends soon…”

He looks back up at the woman across from him. “So _that_ is real torture. Me... filing through the mind of your pilot is child’s play in comparison.”

Leia stares at him in silence, her mind racing. She can’t help it, but her heart breaks for him. Never in her life would she want her son to endure that. Tears well up in her eyes thinking of her baby boy being tortured in that horrible of a way by that sick creature. Her ever present guilt grows immensely, knowing she barely tried to save him. Save him from a life of torture and suffering with Snoke. If she could go back and change everything she did she would, but she can’t. And her choices and selfishness might cost her son his life. Has _already_ cost him his life.

Ben turns away from her, looking back down at his wrists. “Just go.”

He can see the pain in her eyes. Her guilt. Her _pity_. And he doesn’t want it. Doesn’t need it. Doesn’t deserve it. Not after what he’s done. And deep down he still can’t let go of the fact that she left him. Left her son with her brother because he was a monster who needed to be tamed.

He doesn’t deserve her pity. But she doesn’t deserve his either.

Leia sniffs back her tears. She gives him one last look before leaving. The door opens and closes and then she’s gone, determined that her son will eat eventually. Even if she’s not the one who can convince him to.

If she can’t do it, she knows someone who can.

\---

_Back in the mess hall_

\---

“Rey?”

Rey blinks, shaking out of her trance. She sees Finn and Poe staring at her expectantly.

“You ok?”

She nods at Finn. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just spaced out a bit. Did you say something?”

“Yeah. Poe was just wondering how the hell you captured Kylo Ren… Honestly we both are.”

Rey freezes, not wanting to participate in this conversation anymore. “Umm…”

“Excuse me. Miss Rey?”

She turns around at the voice. A guard is standing patiently by their table. “Yes?”

“The General would like to have a word with you in her private office as soon as you're free.”

Rey holds back the sigh of relief that she doesn’t have to answer Poe’s question. “Oh. Well I’m done anyway, so right now works perfectly.”

She looks down at her still half full tray. Picking up her roll, she places it on Finn’s tray. “Here, you can have it.” She stands, picking up her tray and walking it over to the dirty bin. Nodding to Finn, she follows the guard out of the mess hall and to Leia’s office.

Leia is waiting patiently for the her to arrive, working quietly at her desk. Rey walks into the room and she puts the paper she was holding down before standing up and greeting the girl.

“Hello, Rey. I hope you found your way around fairly easily today.”

“I met up with Finn, so that helped quite a bit.”

Leia smiles, thinking of the pair’s friendship. They hadn’t known each other very long, but it was a true bond. Makes her think of her first few days with Luke and Han. “Good. I’m glad. Hopefully you’ll adjust just fine to living on the base. And having a friend should help with that.”

Rey opens her mouth before shutting it again, not sure if she’s able to speak first.

“Say what you like.”

“Why am I here, Leia?”

Leia gets a serious look on her face, practically near political. To Rey, she looks as though she’s about to propose a deal in the Senate.

"If I recall... you said you would tell us everything that happened... if I let you see my son.”

Rey holds her breath. She waits in anticipation, not knowing what Leia will say next. Her fingers start to twitch slightly, her nerves going crazy.

"I’m willing to take you up on that offer… with one stipulation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Finn comes off as sorta happy-go-lucky, but I have a reason for that. Plus I feel like he would really love the food after coming from the structure and harsh discipline of the FO
> 
> kylosroboarm on tumblr
> 
> Leave kudos and comments! I love hearing your comments! They make me really happy to hear if you guys are liking the story or not!


	19. Dinnertime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Same with Ben and Kylo. I use the names interchangeably

_“Why am I here, Leia?”_

_Leia gets a serious look on her face, practically near political. To Rey, she looks as though she’s about to propose a deal in the Senate._

_"If I recall... you said you would tell us everything that happened... if I let you see my son.”_

_Rey holds her breath. She waits in anticipation, not knowing what Leia will say next. Her fingers start to twitch slightly, her nerves going crazy._

_"I’m willing to take you up on that offer… with one stipulation.”_

 

* * *

 

Ben hasn’t moved from the floor since Leia left, still just glaring at the cuffs around his wrists. That was hours ago, though he’s not completely sure on the exact time. There’s no way to tell time in the cell, not even a window to the outside to see if the sun is out. He's not certain, but he imagines the cells would be on the lowest level, hundreds of feet into the ground. The only source of time he has is when someone brings him his meals. Minutes have blurred to hours, which have blurred into days. Most of his time is spent on the cold, stone floor. It’s not that he’s too tired to get into the so-called "cot", but it’s more — what’s the point? They’re bound to come and take him for execution any minute now. He might as well just wait by the door. But then again, why should he make it easy for them? He’s still his father’s son after all.

_The son of a scoundrel._

Ben coughs out a hoarse laugh. He’s had all this time to think, and not once has he thought of Han unless his mother brought him up. The old man would probably laugh at his son’s current predicament. Say something like “Looks like you’ve gotten yourself in a tight spot, kid.” His father would also be the one to ask, “Now how are you going to get yourself _out_?”

But Ben knows there’s no getting out of this one. He has to pay for his crimes. He’s given up the fight.

His father would also tell him “What are you doing, kid? Fight harder. Is that all you got? Solo men don’t give up.”

And that’s exactly what got his father killed.

Han Solo didn’t give up on him. Han believed that he could still come home. That there was something left to save.

And then he struck his saber through his father’s heart. Because he thought it would make him _stronger_.

_And it didn’t._

Suddenly the cell door opens with a big clang, but Ben doesn’t care. He doesn’t even look up. He knows that it’s just someone with his dinner.

“Go away.”

The soft voice that replies shocks him to his core.

 _“Ben?”_  

His head shoots up as fast as it can without giving him whiplash. There’s no way she’s real, she has to be his mind playing tricks on him after being locked up for so long. He must be going crazy. Plus there’s just no way his mother would ever let her come seen him. 

She softly says his name again, almost like she can't believe it herself. He shuts his eyes hard multiple times, trying to believe his reality. Like he’ll open them and she’ll be gone. It takes him a few moments to finally respond. He grunts as he slowly gets to his feet, trying to stand still and not fall over.

“Rey?” he croaks out, his voice a little raspy from lack of use.

Rey gives him a faint smile, but her eyes are shining bright at the fact that she gets to see him again. It takes everything in her to not drop the tray of food and run to him and take him in her arms. Her eyes glance into the corner of the cell, cluing him in on the camera that was placed there. Leia and her people are watching their every move. She knows it’s just a visual of them, that they can’t hear their conversation, but it still makes her cautious. His nod back in confirmation is almost imperceptible.

She walks to him slowly, placing the tray down on the cot. As she stands back up her eyes give him the once over, checking to see how bad of shape he’s in. She can see the faint bruise on his nose that she gave him, and the bruise on his chin from Poe, his split lip, and a few minor scratches. She can tell he hasn’t bathed since he got here, his hair in an untidy veil across his face. It’s more wavy than when it’s freshly cleaned and brushed. She's appalled at the state he's in. There's no way Leia could be authorizing this. 

Her eyes move down his body. She figures he has some bruising from the punches he took to the stomach from the guards, maybe even a broken rib or two. But his wrists are what makes her eyes stop in their tracks. Her heart breaks when she sees the torn, chafed skin underneath the cuffs. They must be painful enough, cutting him off from the Force without rubbing his skin raw.

Ben watches as Rey stares at his wrists. He tries to hide them but it doesn’t work too well from their position in front of his body. He knows she’s just going to blame herself for all of this; that he’s hurt, that he has the handcuffs, that he’s locked up. Ben spots the tears already beginning to form in the corners of her eyes. 

“No,” he says softly, shaking his head. “This isn’t your fault, Rey, so don’t you dare blame yourself. This was _my_ choice.”

A tear slips down her face, running down towards her neck. “But I convinced you to come here.” She looks down at the floor, her guilt not allowing her to look him in the eyes anymore.

Ben lifts her chin up with one finger, making her look at him. “It was time.”

He brushes her cheek gently, wiping away the wetness caused by her tears. Rey closes her eyes and nuzzles his finger, trying to savor the moment. She forgets about the camera for a second, not being able to resist placing a small kiss above his wrist. Ben quickly pulls his hands back, rendered a bit speechless from her sudden intimacy. He stares at her, eyes wide.

Rey doesn’t look away from the cuffs. “I’m sorry.” She juts her chin towards his hands, implying that’s what she’s apologizing for. “I know it can’t be pleasant… It’s hard enough for me. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for you.”

Ben’s eyebrows furrow. “Wait. What do you mean hard enough for you?”

Rey hesitates before answering him. “When you were cut off from the Force… Well it applies to every aspect of the Force…”

She chews on her lip, not quite sure how to continue. Or more, not wanting to.

“The cuffs also cut you off from the bond." She looks down, as if haunted from the experience. "It’s like you were ripped from my head and there’s this hole, but it’s absolutely silent… I can’t hear your thoughts, I can’t feel you… it even hinders your Force signature… I didn’t even know if you were still alive.”

Ben stands there frozen for a minute, almost like he wasn’t able to comprehend what she just told him. He swallows thickly, trying to get his thoughts in order. He has so much he wants to say to her. So much to apologize for. He wants to tell her he never wanted her to go through any of this because of him.

But he can’t say any of it.

What comes out isn’t what he wanted or planned.

“Well... I’m alive,” he says awkwardly, finally forcing his mouth to speak.

To his astonishment Rey gives a smile giggle. She’s staring at him with that same look he remembers from Ahch-To, after he saved her life. The soft look that made him wish that she’d look at him like that for the rest of his life. Like she didn’t see him as the repulsive monster that he is.

“And I’m glad,” Rey replies, still giving him a slight smile. Her eyes shine intensely, showing him just how much she means it.

An awkward silence falls over the pair, neither really knowing what to say or do. Ben stands there trying not to fidget. He clears his throat.

The sound makes Rey’s eyes shift down to the cot beside the man. She sees the tray of food that she brought in.

“Oh that’s right! The food!”

She shuffles around him spastically, grabbing the tray and holding it out for him.

Ben glances down at the tray before looking up at her with a mildly annoyed look. He rolls his eyes. “I told her bringing food here is pointless. She’s just wasting resources.” 

Rey just holds the tray out to him, a determined look in her eyes. “I promised your mother I would get you to eat something and that’s what I intend to do.”

He glares lightly at Rey, the two of them at a standstill, and the one who blinks first loses. Ben always crumbles when it comes to Rey and he doesn’t intend to do so this time. But the look in her eyes tells him that she’ll never back down. She’s fierce when she’s determined. It’s the same look she had when she convinced him to return with her. She reminds him so much of his mother. A fiery ball of stubbornness who would rather die than give up and lose. The moment she shoves the tray closer to him and raises an eyebrow, challenging him more, Ben knows that it’s over.

He lost.

He sighs in defeat. His eyes glance briefly down at the tray, looking at the standard ration of some kind of unidentifiable stew before shifting them down to his cuffed hands. Ben holds them up in a sarcastic manner, indicating to Rey that eating might be a tad bit difficult with handcuffs on.

“Oh.” Now it’s Rey’s turn to be awkward. She didn’t think about that part. She leans a little closer to him, suddenly nervous. A tinge of red makes its way upon her cheeks. “Well… I could always…” Rey trails off, not exactly certain about finishing her sentence. Partially in fear of his reaction, partially because of the sheer intimacy of the act that she’s implying.

Ben’s eyes widen slightly as the suggestion. “Umm.. No. That’s quite alright. You don’t have to. I’ll figure it out myself.”

He tries his best to calmly and gracefully sink to the floor, but it comes out ridged, half dropping to the ground. Nodding his head to the spot in front of him, he beckons Rey to join him on the floor.

She sits down across from him, placing the tray in between them, somewhat thankful of it because it causes a natural barrier of sorts. It allows her to keep her distance.

Something has changed between them, and even more inside Rey. She doesn’t know how to feel about being so close to him again. It’s strange. He was practically the only thing she thought of for the past few days, but now that she’s in front of him again she doesn’t know how to react. A very small part of her even wants to run out of the cell, and she has no clue why. Yes, she’s relieved he’s fine and alive, and she wishes she could protect him from whatever fate the Resistance sentences him with, but it also feels like she’s with a complete stranger and not the man she’s grown to know. They’ve both become strangers. It’s almost like without the bond, they don’t know each other at all.

Rey watches as Ben struggles while trying to pick up the spoon and eat the stew with his hands linked together. His brow is furrowed in concentration, coming up with different ways to try and bend his arms and wrists. She feels bad for him but knows that his pride won’t let him ask for help. The stubborn man.

He twists his wrist a little too far, the cuff digging in deeper to his already raw wrists causing him to wince and drop the spoon back down. It lands back on the tray, stew sputtering up in droplets, splashing onto the floor and both of their legs.

Ben quickly reaches across and wipes the drops of stew off of Rey’s legs with his thumb. “Sorry.”

He avoids her eyes, either ashamed of his predicament or because he’s being pathetic in front of her. Probably both. When he finishes he slowly brings his hands back, holding them down in his lap. His eyes shoot up to hers when he feels her hand clasp over his in a caring gesture. A reminder of that time on his bunk in the Falcon. A time that seems like so long ago right now. 

Rey looks at him, smiling softly, but there’s also a sadness to her gaze. No, not sadness. It’s pity. She pities him and it hurts him worse than if she was sad. He’s not some hurt animal that she needs to save. Not some tech she can scavenge and fix. He doesn’t want her pity.

He doesn’t know what he wants from her.

That’s a lie. He just won’t admit to himself what he wants. There's no point admitting it. It'll never come true, so why have false hope.

“Here, let me help,” she offers, picking up the spoon from the tray.

Ben doesn’t know how else to react, so he just lets her do it. He lets her dip the spoon into the bowl, scooping up some stew before holding it up towards him. They both look at each other in an uncomfortable way. Neither really sure what to say, or if they should say anything at all.

Rey leans forward a bit more, holding the spoon closer to him. She nods her head toward the utensil, encouraging him to let her help. For him to eat.

Awkwardly, Ben opens his mouth and wraps his lips over the spoon, feeling like a child. He can imagine his mother watching on the surveillance camera and thinking back to when he was little and she fed him. He also bets that she’s pleased with herself right about now, knowing her plan to get him to eat worked. He rolls his eyes at the thought.

Rey tilts it up and helps feed him and he lets her, swallowing the warm stew. He’d never admit it to Rey, and especially his mother, but the food warms his whole body and he feels instantly rejuvenated after not eating for so long.

His eyes soften as he looks at the girl in front of him. They’ve had intimate times before, but this seems different for some reason. Everything’s changed. It’s not enemy versus enemy or the two of the escaping for their lives anymore. It’s them facing reality with the Resistance.

Yet it seems more dangerous somehow.

He’s been forced to come face to face with his crimes and he knows he has to pay for them. Of course it wasn’t going to be easy, but he never meant for it to be difficult for her as well. He never meant for her to suffer because of him. He’d rather die than cause her any pain. And yet that’s all he seems to do.

She brings her hand back to get more stew and Ben reaches out and grabs her wrist gently with his hand. Shocked, she looks up, becoming instantly nervous at his touch.

“Thank you.”

Rey’s eyes soften, the small smile returning to her lips. “It’s no problem. Besides, if I didn’t get you to eat your mother would probably never let me see you again." 

Ben’s eyebrow quirks up. “Well now you can tell her that her brilliant plan worked. Though if I know my mother, she already knows it did.” He nods his head slightly upwards at the camera in the corner of the room.

Rey lets out a quiet laugh at his quip. Of course Leia’s watching. As tough and diplomatic as she is, Rey knows she still cares greatly for her son and his well being. It’s probably breaking her heart to have to keep him locked up. Hell, it breaks Rey’s heart too, seeing him treated like an animal in a cage.

She finishes feeding Ben the stew in silence, the two of them just finding the comfort in each other’s presence. 

When she’s done, Rey doesn’t know what to say so she packs up the tray and stands up, dusting her legs off. Ben gets up in a slower fashion, finding it difficult with cuffed hands combined with his aching body.

“I have to get going.” Rey motions towards the door. “I promised I’d leave after you finished eating. And I doubt your mother would let me come again if I broke that promise.”

“She’s not too fond of people who break her trust.” 

An awkward silence falls over the two, both thinking about the fact that Ben is one of the people who broke Leia’s trust. And her heart.

Rey coughs and nods at him before turning to walk to the cell door. She knocks on it to signal the guard outside to open it. Looking back at Ben, she gives him a gentle look.

“I’ll ask if I can come back. And hopefully bring something for your wrists.”

Ben doesn’t know what to say so he just nods back. He wants to beg her not to leave. To not leave him alone in the dark silence again. To stay with him.

But he know she can’t.

And he’s too scared of what her answer would be.

The cell door unlocks with a clang and opens up. Taking one last look at him, Rey turns and leaves, afraid to say anything else, especially with the guard being able to hear. She doesn’t want to give them more reasons to harm Ben, so she keeps her mouth shut. 

The door slams shut behind her, plunging Ben back into the darkness and isolation. By now he should be used to it, being alone, the dark clouding over his thoughts. Most of his life has been spent in the dark. He lives and thrives in the dark. 

Or at least he used to.

But ever since he met the woman with the bright Light from his dreams, the dark has been almost unbearable to survive in. It’s like it’s suffocating him and he can’t escape its clutches, trying to bring him down further and further. Her light seems to counteract the dark creature, pulling him up from the depths and shrouding him with her peace. The only problem is that neither are willing to let go. Neither can release him and let him find some sort of balance on his own. The darkness will always be a weakness for him, ready to claim him again. Plus he doesn’t know if he’s even strong enough to find balance.

The darkest fact is that he might not ever have to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They reunited!
> 
> thanks unapologeticreylotrash on Tumblr for giving me the idea to have Rey feed Ben! 
> 
> I hope yall liked the chp. It personally wasn't my favorite and I felt eh writing it so hopefully you guys like it
> 
> Like always, leave kudos and comments if you liked it. I always like seeing your thoughts!
> 
> kylosroboarm on tumblr


	20. Bacta and Bandages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The POV is 3rd person, but it kind of switches between what each character is feeling, in case you get confused  
> *Italics not in quotations are usually inner thoughts of the characters, sometimes it's for emphasis on a certain sentence

_The cell door unlocks with a clang and opens up. Taking one last look at him, Rey turns and leaves, afraid to say anything else, especially with the guard being able to hear. She doesn’t want to give them more reasons to harm Ben, so she keeps her mouth shut._

_The door slams shut behind her, plunging Ben back into the darkness and isolation. By now he should be used to it, being alone, the dark clouding over his thoughts. Most of his life has been spent in the dark. He lives and thrives in the dark._

_Or at least he used to._

_But ever since he met the woman with the bright Light from his dreams, the dark has been almost unbearable to survive in. It’s like it’s suffocating him and he can’t escape its clutches, trying to bring him down further and further. Her light seems to counteract the dark creature, pulling him up from the depths and shrouding him with her peace. The only problem is that neither are willing to let go. Neither can release him and let him find some sort of balance on his own. The darkness will always be a weakness for him, ready to claim him again. Plus he doesn’t know if he’s even strong enough to find balance._

_The darkest fact is that he might not ever have to find out._

_He finds himself walking through a dark cave; some mystic trance is pulling him further and further into it. The air around him is becoming thick, making it nearly impossible to get a sufficient enough inhale in his lungs in order to carry on._

 

* * *

 

He walks deeper into the cave, not knowing where he's headed or how he got there. The darkness is seeming to become blacker and blacker if possible, absolutely no chance of a hint of light. Suddenly he feels gaunt fingers clenching around his throat cutting off his air supply, sending him into a trashing panic, but when he bring his hands up to pry the fingers away there’s nothing there. The pressure on his windpipe has vanished.

_What the hell?_

Closing his eyes, he tries to calm down, sucking in large breaths. In the darkness he sees bright, colorful spots from the lack of breath, but he knows there’s no actual light in the cave.

Slowly he starts walking again, more cautious this time. Well, as cautious as he can be in the pitch black. Raspy whispers begin to fill the cave, echoing through and rebounding off the walls. It’s very faint but it’s there.

_"Ben Solo."_

His breathing becomes slow and hollow. The voice fills his head; the whispers impregnating his mind as well as surrounding him. Just repeating his name over and over again. Still, he feels the need to continue further into the cave. Something is pulling him in and he can’t break loose from the trance. 

From behind him he hears a little girl screaming. Quickly he turns around, trying to locate where the sound is coming from. And who it’s attached to it. He starts to walk toward the voice, picking up the pace; desperate to find the source of the screaming.

The yells begin to morph into that of a young woman’s, getting louder and louder and it’s painful for him to hear. Not from the volume, but from the sheer agony in the woman’s scream. It’s turned from a cry of sadness and heartbreak to a cry of pain. He’s practically at a sprint, nearly crashing into walls, when something stops him in his tracks.

The woman yells a name.

_His name._

And he finally recognizes the voice.

A shiver of anger and fear runs down his spine. “Rey… REY!” he yells, breaking out into a run. He bolts through the cave. Adrenaline is racing through his veins, helping him run faster.

Her screams get louder, making him think that he’s getting closer. The agony in her voice almost becomes unbearable for him to hear, but he presses on, needing to find her. They get louder and louder until they suddenly stop, sending him into silence.

“No! Dammit!”

He panics, kicking the wall in frustration. “Rey! Answer me! Rey!” he yells, desperation making his voice hoarse. He walks back and forth, straining his ears to see if he can hear her again, but there’s nothing. Absolute silence.

Close to breaking down, he leans against the wall of the cave. His breath begin to return back to normal, his mind still racing.

_What the hell is going on?_

_What happened to her?_

Suddenly the sounds of mechanical breathing fill his ears, making him jolt right back up. Standing stiff, he’s scared to move. Everything seems to happen in slow motion. His breath is shallow as he looks around, trying to find the source of the sound. He knows who the breathing belongs to. He’s just afraid the owner will actually be there.

He tries to escape it, covering his ears and walking away, but it’s no use. The sound just fills his head, the mechanical breathing haunting his every step.

He breaks out in a run again, wanting nothing more than to get away from the sound. He runs faster and faster, fear building up in his chest.

Without warning, a skeletal hand manifests in front of his face out of thin air, reaching towards him. Ben slams to a halt and fall backwards. His hands smack on the ground to brace himself, sending shooting pain up his arms, when he hears the voice he hasn’t heard since before he landed on Ahch-To.

_"I will find you."_

 

\---

 

Ben wakes up with a jolt, sitting up and panting hard. His heart is beating out of his chest and he vaguely hears someone yelling. It takes him a moment to realize it’s coming from him.

He looks around in a daze, slowly coming back to his senses. Everything begins to become clear again. He’s in his cell at the Resistance base on Crait.

Thinking about what just happened, Ben tries to decipher what it meant. Was it a dream or was it a vision from the Force trying to warn him? Is he even able to have a vision even though he’s being cut off from the Force with the cuffs?

Then the darker reality of his dream begins to sink in.

_How was Snoke able to contact him?_

It doesn’t make any sense. He’s had no contact with Snoke ever since he landed on that Force forsaken island. He landed and it was like any bond he had with his master was severed, blocking them from each other. Whether that was a blessing or a curse is still up for debate in his mind.

So why now?

_And how?_

Ben’s mind wanders during his slight daze. He imagines Rey racing to him, having felt the dream herself, just like the many times they’ve felt each other’s distress over terrible nightmares or visions. He recalls the few times she’s run to him after her own terrifying dreams just to check if he’s alright. How he could see the terror on her face at the idea of him being tortured or worse. Then the sheer relief at seeing him. He imagines that’s currently what his own face looks like.

_Rey!_

His eyes widen as the events of his dream come rushing back to him. Rey screaming in agony then suddenly disappearing, him not knowing what happened to her. He gets up from the cot and begins to panic, pacing around the small cell. His hands start to fidget, the cuffs cutting deeper into his wrists, making them bleed. 

_Kriffing cuffs!_

Rage spreads through his body, panic making him tense. He begins to beat his wrists against the wall of the cell, desperate to break the handcuffs.

_I can’t feel her!_

There’s no way for him to know how she is. If she’s even still alive. The idea that his dream is really a vision from the Force kills him. Without the bond he can’t know if she’s alright unless someone tells him and even then he won’t believe them until he sees her in the flesh. And he doesn’t know if he will again.

His panic grows even more, taking over his every thought of common sense. He beats his wrists against the walls harder, causing a loud banging noise. Maybe if he continues, he can get the attention of one of the guards. But he knows they’d never help him anyway.

Blood begins to run down his hands; droplets crashing onto the floor with as much fervor as he’s throwing into the wall. His wrists are becoming mangled, the cuffs slicing further into his flesh, but he feels no pain. His panic is causing adrenaline to flow through his veins, helping him to hit the wall harder and harder with every blow. But the cuffs don’t break. He doesn’t even create a dent.

Ben lets out a blood curdling yell, not caring if anyone hears. He’s in too much agony to care. Not a physical agony, but an internal hell. The storm inside him grows, his emotions becoming torrential. His old need to destroy as a means of expelling his emotions is becoming more imperative than it’s been in a long time. He fears he’ll do something drastic if he doesn’t get a release soon.

Before he can scream again, a knock on the door stops him. He races to the small window and peaks out of it. Leia is waiting on the other side, seemingly trying to gain the courage to come in.

He presses both hands onto the door and yells through it to the woman he used to call mother.

“Where’s Rey?” he demands, trying to keep the panic from his voice. “I need to see her. Where is she?”

“Stand back from the door, Ben. I need to speak with you.”

She wastes no time getting to the point of her visit. This time she brings no meal, knowing it’s pointless for her to try. She isn’t the one he’ll eat for. That’s the woman he’s currently begging to see.

He doesn’t step back right away, just stays pressed against the door. “I need to see Rey. I need to know if she’s alright.”

Leia looks through the small window suspiciously, as if trying to figure out if he has a motive. He prays she doesn’t ask him why, just that she tells him about Rey. If she suspects anything she doesn’t voice it.

_Thank the Force._

“She’s just fine. The last I heard she was with Finn.”

The thought of her with the traitor irks him slightly, but he doesn’t say anything because she’s safe. That’s all that matters to him at this moment. He promised Luke he’d keep her safe and he intends to till his dying breath.

Though that might be fairly soon.

“Now please back away from the door.”

He shakes his head to clear it before stepping away from the door, heading back to his makeshift cot. He sits down in an nonchalant manner, the only dignity he has is in his slight defiance towards authority. Even towards his own mother.

He truly is his father’s son.

The door opens and Leia walks in, staying close to the door. It’s like she doesn’t want to get too close to him. Like the physical distance helps with her emotional distance.

Her eyes jot down to his bleeding wrists, watching a drop of blood fall to the floor and splatter. It shakes her to the core but she manages to keep her composure in front of him. She doesn’t know how much longer she can stay strong when she sees him falling apart and hurting. It goes against everything she knows and stands for; as a caring person and as a mother. Then again she knows she’s failed in that regard. That’s the reason her son became who he is. Her and Han’s failure.

Ben can tell his mother is feeling uneasy being in the same room as him but is trying to appear calm. Trying to keep an authoritative air to her, but inside she’s slowly crumbling. 

“What do you want now?” he grumbles out, trying to seem indifferent when he’s in reality he's curious as to why she came to visit him.

She coughs to clear her voice, willing it to not shake. “I came to tell you that the council is having a hearing today about your sentence." 

All Ben does is raise an eyebrow. “And that pertains to me how?”

Leia tries hard not to roll her eyes at the man in front of her. “It _pertains to you_ because you are required to be there.”

“Why? They’re just going to sentence me to death anyway. What’s the purpose of me being there? It’s not going to change their minds.”

This time Leia does roll her eyes, her patience wearing thin. “You do know that you’re allowed to speak on your behalf. To try to give them a reason to sentence you differently.”

Ben doesn’t respond. He just looks down at his lap. There’s no point trying to persuade them. They’ve all already made their opinions about him. And he deserves it. But apparently he’s required to attend. He knows the moment Rey finds out she’ll come ask him to defend himself. To make the council change their minds. He knows there’s no fighting her when she has her mind set to something. He knows she’ll make him go to that meeting whether he wants to or not. So will his mother, despite trying to keep her distance.

He rolls his eyes before giving Leia a nonchalant nod.

“Good,” she replies stoutly, nodding back at him. “I’ll be back later with guards to collect you.”

Leia gives him one last look before moving to leave the cell. As soon as she brings her hand up to knock on the cell door Ben stops her. 

“Why did you let her come see me?” he asks, interrupting her leaving.

“Because I needed you to eat,” she says, not even turning around to face him. Maybe it’s easier if she doesn’t have to look at him. 

“Why?”

“I told you, we don’t starve our prisoners; unlike the First Order.”

Ben scoffs. “Not that. _Why did you let_ **_her_ ** _come see me?_ ”

Leia still doesn’t turn around to look at her son. She’s trying to keep her guard up, and knows that if she does she might crumble. “I knew she could get you to. And I was right.”

His nose starts to crinkle in a slight snarl, glaring at the General’s back. _“And did you enjoy the show?”_  

Leia’s eyes widen slightly in fear. Maybe not fear, but sadness. Sadness at the sheer hurt and anger in her son’s voice. Sadness and shame. Putting on a brave face, she finally turns back around to face him. To face his anger.

“I will not apologize for the camera. That is protocol.” She glances down at the floor, feeling slightly ashamed at the fact that she watched the girl and Ben have an intimate moment. “But I will not apologize for monitoring it either.”

“Why?” he asks, his anger growing a little more.

“Because, murderer or not, _you are my child_ … and I needed to make sure you were eating.” Her expression hardens, conviction echoing in her voice and words, but her eyes soften slightly, giving away that a small part inside of her still cares. She has the same eyes that Ben does. If someone looks hard enough, they can see their true feelings. “And I will not apologize for that.”

It only lasts a moment, but Ben sees it; the crack that shows that deep down she still loves him. He sees that through her hard facade all of this is absolutely killing her inside; to lock him up, the thought of his death, reconciling all he’s done with the innocent little boy who carried around his tooka doll and wanted to be a pilot like his father. What he sees shocks him to the core, and it all ends in a fleeting glance. The crack closes once more, fortifying the indifferent armor she’s built around herself to remain distant from him and uphold her duty to be unbiased.

Leia gives him one last look before turning back to the door and knocking. It unlocks with a thud and slides open.

“If I go to this meeting, will you take these off? Please?” Ben calls out, interrupting Leia before she can even take a step. He’s staring at her back so intently that he wonders if she can feel his eyes on her.

She doesn’t turn to face him, but her armor cracks yet again. Her heart breaks at her son’s plea. She hasn’t heard him say please since he was a boy. But she has to remain strong. It kills her to do so, but it has to be done.

“I can’t,” she says stoutly.

Leia quickly begins to leave the cell, determined not to look back at the man in pain. At her son in pain. “I’m sorry,” she chokes out, her voice cracking much to her dismay. Her apology holds so much weight, as if she’s apologizing for his whole life instead of just the cuffs.

She scurries out of the cell and it slams behind her, sending Ben back into darkness. The last thing Leia thinks about is that Ben’s wrists are still bleeding from him slamming them against the wall.

 

\---

 

Leia leans against the closed door for a moment to collect her composure. Closing her eyes, she takes in a deep, calming breath, once again becoming the General she is and shoving her love down. As much as it pains her, her love won’t save her son. She’s too late for that. She hasn’t been able to save him since she sent him away. But maybe there’s someone who can.

Opening her eyes, she turns to the guard posted outside the cell. “Send for Rey. And tell her to meet me in my office.” She begins to leave before she turns back to the guard as if the thought just popped into her head. “And fetch me some bacta… and bandages.”

 

* * *

 

There’s a knock on the door before it opens. It hasn’t been that long since Leia left earlier, but Ben doesn’t look up from his raw wrists. They’re beginning to sting since the adrenaline is wearing off and his nerves are going crazy.

“Well that was quick. Ready to take me away?”

“No.” 

The soft voice causes his head to shoot up. He jumps to his feet and bounds over to her so fast Rey doesn’t have time to react. His hands automatically grab her face as best as they can with the cuffs hindering him.

“I don’t have much time before they come get you.”

Ben doesn’t seem to listen to a word she says, only focusing on looking at her face and body, checking to see if she’s been harmed. “Are you alright? Did something happen to you?”

Rey is instantly confused. “I’m fine.” The crazed look on his face suggests that there’s more to his worry than he’s leading on. “What is it?” she asks, putting a hand over the one cupping her cheek. “Talk to me.”

He drops his hands from her face, turning away and walking towards his cot. “It’s nothing,” he says, not looking at her.

“Ben, what happened?” Rey walks over to him and places her hand on the middle of his back right between his shoulder blades. Immediately his shoulders tense, still not used to someone’s touch before relaxing. “Please tell me.”

Ben takes a deep sigh, the weight of the galaxy seeming to be crushing his shoulders. “I saw Snoke.”

Rey’s eyes widening would be almost comical in a different situation. She moves around him so he’s facing her, but he doesn’t look up. Her mind is going a mile a minute. “What do you mean you saw Snoke?”

“I had a dream, or a vision, or I don’t know,” he stutters out, trying to make sense of what he saw.

“Well what happened? In your dream vision thing? What did you see?” 

He gets this haunted look on his face, remembering the contents and how real they felt. His pure panic bordering on mania. Ben swallows thickly, pushing down the nausea he feels. “He was torturing you… and then you were suddenly gone. And then he spoke to me.”

His words frighten her slightly, but Rey remains calm, trying to stay the level headed one. They don’t need both of them panicking over something they aren’t sure is even real. “What did he say?” 

“He said he’ll find me,” he whispers out, finally looking up at Rey, letting her see his fear.

She grabs onto his forearms, trying to reassure him. “He won't find you." Her brows start to furrow, her mind processing everything he's told her. "But how was he even able to contact you if you’re wearing the cuffs? It doesn’t make any sense.” 

Ben stares down at her thumbs which are subconsciously caressing his arms. His voice softens slightly, savoring the intimacy of the touch. “I don’t know. That’s what I’ve been wondering.”

“Maybe it was just a dream then. Maybe it wasn’t real,” she says hopefully, wanting it so much to be just a nightmare.

Ben moves his arms away from her gentle touch, pacing over to the door. “It was real, Rey. I know it was... I might not be able to use the Force, but it’s still a part of me. It flows through every living thing. That doesn’t just go away because of some kriffing handcuffs. I just can’t wield it.”

He turns back to her and looks at her with a tinge of condescension though she knows he doesn’t mean to take it out on her. It’s just his frustration at the situation that’s making him act like this. Rey walks over to him and places her hands on his cheeks now, forcing him to look into her eyes. “Hey, we’ll figure this out. Together, remember?”

He can’t help but shoot his gaze down to her lips for a mere second. She’s just looking at him so passionately and caring that his mind drifts. He forgets for a brief moment the subject of their conversation and just focuses on her expression and the implication of them as a pair.

Ben brushes the thought away before nodding his head. “Together.” 

His gaze turns confused, wondering about her presence in his cell. Sure he thought of her after his dream, but there’s no way she could’ve known that. “Why are you even here Rey? I thought you wouldn’t be allowed to return.”

“Neither did I to be honest.” She hesitates, knowing he won’t like what she has to say next. “Your mother wanted me to talk to you.”

“Of course she did,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes at another one of his mother’s plans. He instantly knows what she's here for. 

He tries to walk away, tired of his mother’s meddling, but Rey stops him from leaving. “I’m serious, Ben. You have to fight for yourself, because no one else can.”

Ben leans down slightly, his back arching so he can get close to her face. Before she would’ve been intimidated, but now she just stares back up at him. “There’s no point, Rey. I’ve made my decision. I deserve this for what I’ve done. This is the only punishment.”

Rey stretches her neck, allowing her to get closer to him, getting equally in his face as he is in hers. “Well what about the people that care about you?” she demands, looking at him fiercely.

“What do you mean?” he questions, pulling back slightly in his confusion.

“If you won’t fight for yourself, at least fight for them.” She takes a pause before finishing her sentence. “Fight for _me_ ,” she practically begs, her voice cracking the tiniest amount.  

Her plea makes him stop. He knew she would ask him to defend himself in the meeting; he just didn’t begin to imagine why. Who would’ve ever thought that the scavenger would begin to care for a monster like him. Someone so full of light who could be tainted by his darkness. He barely believes it himself, but the desperation in her voice tells him everything. If only he was brave enough to admit the same. But that might only hurt her more when he’s gone; and he’s already hurt her enough. 

There’s no way for him to take her in his arms so he resorts to pressing his forehead against hers. Ben hears her sigh softly and he knows she appreciates his comfort. He closes his eyes, savoring the moment. He feels her press back against him. The vague thought that his mother could be watching them crosses his mind then quickly vanishes. He doesn’t care though, shockingly. His mind is focused on the woman in front of him.

“I’ll try, alright?” Ben pulls away, looking Rey in the eyes. “I can't make any promises that it’ll change their minds.” 

She nods, looking as if she doubts him, but she accepts his answer nonetheless. Rey glances down at the floor, noticing the bag that is wrapped around her shoulders.

“That’s not the only reason I’m here.”

Rey takes the bag off her shoulder, moving to set it down on the cot. Ben was so preoccupied with his dream that he didn’t notice the satchel around her. She pulls out the bacta and bandages out of the bag, placing them on the cot. 

“She knew I’d be the only person you’d let put this on,” she says, turning back to face him. Patting the cot, she summons him over to her, intent on him sitting down so she can bandage the wounds around his wrists.

Ben rolls his eyes lightly before going and sitting on the cot. Honestly he’s a little shocked that his mother is allowing him to be healed. Then again, after her comment about still being his mother no matter what he’s done it makes more sense.

He lazily lays his arms on his thighs, extended towards her. Rey kneels down next to him, grabbing his wrist gently. She doesn’t look up when he twitches slightly at her touch; she just stays focused on his damaged skin. Examining his wrists carefully, she very gently pushes up the cuffs as far as they can go, trying to get them away from the raw flesh. Her brows furrow at just how badly they’re torn up. She didn’t realize they were this horrible. He doesn’t mention to her the fact that he was smashing them against the wall earlier despite the horrified look on her face. He’s too embarrassed to tell her.

Rey grabs the bacta and takes a cloth from the bag. She squeezes some of the bacta onto the cloth and very gently presses it against his wrist. Ben quickly sucks in a breath through his teeth, making a hissing sound.

“Sorry,” she utters quickly, blowing cool air softly onto his wrist, hopefully soothing the sting that the bacta causes. _“I’m so sorry.”_ Her voice cracks slightly again.

“Hey. We talked about this.” He pulls his hands away slightly, causing her to look up at him. _"This isn’t your fault,"_ he repeats from the last time he saw her, enunciating each word to make sure it gets through to her. “Got it, Sweetheart?” He flashes her a slight smirk, resembling his father to a T.

The nickname causes her to crack a small smile. It’s been a while since he’s called her that. Oddly, she finds that she missed the special name. It wasn’t very long ago that she couldn’t stand it; that it was just a residual memory from his past. It was a nickname filled with such love and such pain that it hurt him every time he uttered it. A nickname from a memory or a vision that used to haunt her dreams. Now the name has a different meaning for both of them. A better meaning.

Rey gives a small nod, not fully believing him, but it’s not worth the argument between them. They’re both too stubborn for their own good, and neither would back down from that fight. She just sets back to her task of smothering bacta on his wrists.

Pretty soon he gets used to the feeling of the gel and it stops stinging, so he just watches her in fascination, mesmerized at her focus and concentration despite him staring at her. Or she’s not meeting his gaze on purpose. That could also be plausible. They sit together in a familiar silence, him watching her bandage his wrists. Neither of them feel like talking; there’s no need. The company is enough, and it’s calming. Ben watches her intently as she grabs the bandage and carefully wraps it around his wrists, securing it with a pin so it doesn’t fall off. She gently slides the cuffs over the bandages, worried that it’ll cause him pain, but it doesn’t. The bacta has numbed the the wounds for now, already beginning to heal his skin.   

Before Rey can pack everything back into the satchel, Ben stops her hands with his. He brushes her skin lightly with his thumb. “Thank you.” 

“You can thank your mother the next time you see her,” she retorts, looking up at him. “I did nothing.”

 _You’ve done everything,_ he thinks.

But he can’t voice it.

He’s not brave enough.

If not for the cuffs, she would already know. 

All he does in response is stroke her skin with his thumb, wishing that he can convey his feelings through his touch. He thinks she might’ve gotten the message because she closes her eyes as if she’s savoring the feeling of his caress. But then there’s a bang on the cell door, making them both jump slightly.

Rey blinks up at him, clearing her mind. “I have to go.” She quickly packs up her stuff and throws the bag over her shoulder. “They’ll come get you later for the hearing.”

She doesn’t look back at him as she heads to the door, giving it a small knock back to notify the guard she’s ready. Almost as if she can feel his eyes watching her leave, she slowly turns around to face him.

“And Ben… be careful what you say. Don’t give them any other information that could incriminate you. _Please._ ”

He gives her a soft look before nodding curtly. “I’ll try.”

The door opens and Rey nods back before turning to leave the room. His voice makes her stop in her tracks.

“Will you be there?”

“Yes,” she replies, not turning back. She quickly scurries out of the cell, the door slamming shut behind her.

Ben is once again plunged back into darkness. He lays down on the cot, holding his hands up in the air, examining Rey’s handiwork as best as he can in the minimal light. The guilt from his lies is already starting to eat away at him. He’s never lied to Rey before and it’s absolutely killing him to do it. But there’s no way he could’ve told her that he has no intention of defending himself at the hearing. She would probably never talk to him again if she knew. He knows she’ll be angry with him for lying, but he figures that her anger will disappear after his sentencing.

He can deal with her anger; he’s done it before, he can do it again. 

He can't live knowing she'll hate him for not even trying.

_Well good thing I won't have to live long._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while. I had a tough time getting my creative juices running for this chapter, but then it turned out being a lot longer than I anticipated so it paid off! 
> 
> I have no clue if bacta actually works this way, but who cares, it's fanfic haha
> 
> Like always, leave kudos and comments if you liked it. I always like seeing your thoughts!
> 
> kylosroboarm on tumblr


	21. The Hearing Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *POV is 3rd person, but it also switched to Ben's in this chp  
> *Italics are his thoughts or emphasized sentences

_Ben is once again plunged back into darkness. He lays down on the cot, holding his hands up in the air, examining Rey’s handiwork as best as he can in the minimal light. The guilt from his lies is already starting to eat away at him. He’s never lied to Rey before and it’s absolutely killing him to do it. But there’s no way he could’ve told her that he has no intention of defending himself at the hearing. She would probably never talk to him again if she knew. He knows she’ll be angry with him for lying, but he figures that her anger will disappear after his sentencing._

_He can deal with her anger; he’s done it before, he can do it again._

_He can't live knowing she'll hate him for not even trying._

_Well good thing I won't have to live long._

 

* * *

 

The door opens with a clank, light beaming in and blinding him for a few moments. The next thing he knows there's an electric shock running through his body. Ben falls off of the cot onto the floor, his body spasming from the jolt that the guard gave him. He groans, rolling around on the cold ground.

“Get up,” the guard orders, pushing into Ben’s side with his boot. The toe of his shoe presses into his already bruised ribs, causing pain to spread through his chest.

He just groans again in reply. The guard pushes him again, telling him to get to his feet.

“Where's the General?” he grunts out, knowing that he wouldn't have been tasered if she was here.

“She was called away. She’ll be in attendance at the hearing.”

_Great. I have to deal with this asshole._

“Now get up.” The guard kicks him lightly in the side again before dragging him up to his knees.

Ben slowly gets to his feet, trying not to roll his eyes at the gall the man has. If only he wasn't wearing these cuffs— the man would be a mangled mess on the floor in a matter of seconds. The dark thought shakes him. He hasn't had a thought like that in a while and the idea of sinking back into the darkness so easily scares him. The longer he’s without Rey, the closer he gets.

The guard hauls him forward out of the cell. The sudden, extreme change of light causes Ben to blink his eyes quickly, trying to adjust to it. His pupils are having a hard time keeping up, not used to having to shrink so small from his time in the dark cell. It’s almost too bright after spending who knows how many days in relative darkness. Another guard is waiting outside and grabs Ben’s other arm above his elbow. The two men lead him down a long hallway before they reach a door. One of the men pulls out his key card and presses it against the scanning pad and the door opens with a buzzer.

They shove him through the door into another hallway before veering off to the left towards another door. They open it and push him into the room. It's some sort of fresher with a simple shower.

“You are to shower before the hearing. The General wants you to look more presentable before the council sees you.”

Ben rolls his eyes at his mother. He's gone maybe a week without freshening up and _now_ she wants him too? Because she thinks that maybe if he looks nice and clean they might go easy on him? She's delirious. Or holding onto that last stroke of hope. Ben’s not sure which. Could be both.

“How am I even supposed to?” He holds up his hands sarcastically. “I can't even get my clothes off.” He blinks at the guards, trying his hardest not to smirk. He knows he can out-think them in a second.

One of the guards glares at him. “We could always cut them off…”

“No,” he replies hastily before coughing a bit to cover his quick reply. “I'll just shower with them on.”

He's still wearing Han’s clothes minus the jacket. Surprisingly they didn't give him a change of clothes, something more prisoner-y. He glances at himself in the small mirror that's on the wall. He looks absolutely hazardous. His hair is all tasseled and more curly than it's been in a long time. It looks practically like he’s a youngling again. His father’s clothes are all wrinkly, and the shirt has a few small blood stains on it. Probably from when the pilot punched him. His eyes are gaunt; purple bags underneath them. It looks as if death has already begun to claim him. Rey was right though; no matter how ill he looks, he truly does look just like Han in the clothes. The thought makes him sad as the guilt eats away at his soul. But he won't let the guard destroy the clothing. It's one of the last things he has from Han.

Ben has no idea how he's supposed to wash up with handcuffs on, but he turns the shower on nonetheless, intent on figuring it out without help. He'd rather die than ask for help. Besides, they probably wouldn't give him any anyway.

He steps under what seems like a weak trickle of water from the faucet, hoping he’s even getting wet at all. Reluctantly he allows the water to feel good, washing the dirt, grime, and blood off of his face. It’s actually very calming and refreshing. The water is a tepid temperature but it feels good on his tense muscles, helping him to loosen them up after being cramped in his cell on that hard cot. His clothes are slowly beginning to soak up the water and starting to stick to his skin. The only way he can think of to wash up is to scrub his clothes against his body, hoping that the friction gets some of the grime off. Ben rubs the fabric as best as he can with his hands cuffed together, which isn’t really that effective in his mind. Plus he doesn’t want to mess up the bacta and bandages Rey had so tenderly put on earlier. 

There’s no soap in the small fresher, so he tries his hardest to scrub his hands through his hair, but it comes out more of just tangling it further as he rubs the back of his hands across his head. At least the water will hopefully wash the dirt out of his hair, not so much the built up grease.

When he believes he’s done— at least as done as he can be considering the circumstances— Ben turns off the shower and turns towards the guards, looking like a drowned rat. They look back at him with stupid expressions on their faces, like they don’t understand his looks.

He rolls his eyes. “No towel?” He raises an eyebrow expectantly, assuming they’d have one at the ready for when he was done.

They just continue to look back at him with the same dumb expressions, possibly more idiotic than before. He can’t believe it. The dumbasses seriously didn’t think about a towel. Now he’s a drenched mess and has a hearing to go to that is going to decide his fate. He’s more fucked than before, if that’s even possible.

_How in the living Force did my mother allow these two bantha brains to be guards? The General must be losing it._

Ben tries his best to ring out his shirt with his hands bound at the wrists and shake out his hair, but knows it’s really no use. And there’s absolutely no way to dry his pants. He just has to accept the fact that he’s going to walk into that conference room soaking wet. His mother will probably be furious. So will Rey. But he has no other choice since the two nerf herders forgot a towel.

He's shocked at how easily the insult goes through his mind. The nickname used to piss him off, but there's no other word that fits the guards well enough. Rey flits to his mind briefly as he remembers holding his saber to her neck for calling him it and guilt fills his body. He then briefly realizes that the name doesn't bother him as much anymore. Maybe it's because he's finally come to terms with who he is. 

Rey was right. He _is_ a nerf herder sometimes. 

The guards grab his arms again and lead him out of the fresher and down the hall until they reach a fairly rusty elevator shaft. As they wait for the elevator to arrive, Ben looks at it skeptically. It probably hasn’t been used in ages. He knows that the Rebellion used Crait back in the day, but it’s been abandoned for a while. All the salt has started to rust the base.

_This is how I could die. By plunging to my death with two lazer brains._

_Too bad the water didn’t affect the damn cuffs._

The elevator arrives and the guards shove Ben into it; the floor creaking under the sudden weight, like it’s not used to carrying people. Ben waits for it to fall to the bottom floor, but it doesn’t happen. Shockingly, it lifts them up to a higher floor. The 2nd floor to be precise.

 _So I was right. The cells are on a subfloor,_ he muses to himself.

They push him out of the lift onto an empty floor. Ben guesses that floor was sectioned off and evacuated for this reason. The council mustn’t have wanted anyone to see _Kylo Ren_ being transported through the hallways. The guards lead him to a big set of double doors. Pressing their cards against the pad and the doors seperate with a mechanic whoosh, opening up to a room crowded with people chit chatting. The room goes completely silent once they see him.

Everything in him tells him to fight the guards and run away, but he knows he can’t. He won’t get very far before being taken down. Or worse, taken _out._

Ben keeps his eyes a little south of straight forward as the guards lead him into the room, trying not to look anyone directly in the eye. His shoes squeak and squish with every step he takes, and he inwardly winces with every sound, knowing that his appearance is just another strike against him. Wherever his mother and Rey are, he knows they’re not going to be happy at his state of dress. Or more, the lack of. He doesn’t try to find their eyes, not wanting to see the sheer disappointment in their gazes.

His hair is curling at the end, water falling to the floor from his mane. He can hear murmurs break out through the room, whispers about his appearance and the fact that it’s Kylo Ren, the Jedi Killer, in the flesh. For once, he’s thankful for the handcuffs. They’re blocking him from hearing everybody’s thoughts through the Force. He doesn’t have to hear their every opinion about him and he’s relieved.

The guards walk him to a chair in the middle of the conference room and sit him down on it. A strap is placed around his chest and tightened to keep him in the chair. They tighten the strap a little too much, making it almost hard for him to breath. All of the guards like to torture him a little bit, each one getting some small kind of revenge. He bets if it wasn’t for the cuffs they’d straps his arms down too.

_No Force and they’re still scared of me._

_The again, they're right to be. I’m a monster._

From this angle he thinks he sees Leia out of his peripheral, but he doesn’t dare to take a good look to make sure. He doesn’t want to see the expression she has on her face. He can’t tell where Rey is in the room. Maybe it’s a good thing he can’t see her, he’ll be less tempted to follow her wishes. The second he sees her he knows he’ll cave and defend himself.

Admiral Ackbar stands up from a chair and addresses the room. It seems he decides to overlook the state of Ben’s dress because he begins his opening statements instead of pointing it out. Though it’s not really a secret; it’s quite apparent that he’s soaked to the bone.

“We are gathered here today to hold a customary hearing because it is written within our bylaws. War criminals have the right to a trial before being given a sentence. Many have expressed their opinions— some more loudly than others— that a hearing is unnecessary, but as a people who believe in democracy, we will follow protocol.”

He turns to look directly at Ben. “Kylo Ren née Ben Solo, you have the right to either defend your case or stay silent and accept your punishment without question or protest. If you decide to defend, you will be given an allotted amount of time to convince the council why you should not be convicted and they will conclude whether you are guilty or, shall you be granted, if there is a way to minimize your sentence. Do you understand?”

Ben just nods his head, swallowing thickly. The hair on the back of his neck begins to itch from the small beads of perspiration beginning to form as well as the water still dripping from his head.

“Very well. The council shall proceed.” Ackbar sits back down and waves his hand towards another person to his right.

Another familiar face stands up and turns to address him. It takes everything in him to not look down in shame. The woman with purple hair stares him down with that piercing gaze as she has many times in the past. To be honest, he wasn’t sure his Aunt Amilyn was even still alive. Now she’s leading his trial. It’s almost as if she’s reprimanding him just like she would when he was a boy and he did something wrong.

His aunt had two very different sides to her. One side loved him more than anything and treated him as if he was her own. She never had children and spent all her love on him. Then the other side was all business and politics, and would remind him firmly that it takes time and energy to run a nation. That there was no time for playing when it came to politics. In the end, she was just another person who didn’t pay enough attention to him to realize what Snoke was doing. Who _failed_ him.

“Ben Solo. You are here today to be tried for the numerous crimes you’ve committed against this galaxy. Are you aware of and acknowledge this fact?”

He stares back at the woman he once called an aunt and nods his head one time.

“We need a verbal acknowledgment please."

Ben tries his best to not glare at her. “Yes,” he says through his teeth, trying to conceal his ever growing annoyance.

“Very well. Now we shall read off a list of the offenses for which you will be tried against.” Holdo picks up a tablet and begins stating off every regret he’s ever made in front of the whole room. “The massacre and destruction of the academy…”

He bites his tongue at the first one. He knows Rey will want him to dispute this crime; to say he’s innocent in massacring the students, to admit that he wasn’t the one to murder them. But he’s not completely innocent. He’s the one who destroyed the temple, he’s the one who led the Knights of Ren to the island. He may not have killed them, but he’s the real reason they’re all dead.

“... leading the raid and massacre of Tuanul on Jakku, the murder of Lor San Tekka, the destruction of the Hosnian system..."

No one will ever believe him about how he had no part in the destruction of the Hosnian system. He didn't want any part in it. His job was to obtain the map to Luke. The Hosnian system was all Hux's doing. Starkiller was Hux's creation, not his.

"...leading the raid and massacre on Takodana. The abduction, interrogation, and _torture_ of _numerous_ Resistance members…”

His mind flips to Rey. She’ll never know the full amount of his regret for that moment. Of how sorry he is for interrogating her, for entering her mind, for the pain he caused. Both from the physical act of entering her mind and from mentioning loneliness she felt. When he closes his eyes he can still picture the tears dripping down her face from his taunting. He’s also sorry for every moment since then. For all the hurt he's caused her.

But he can’t say that he wish it never happened; that he never took her. Because taking her has led to the most happiness he’s known in his whole life. Not to mention the least lonely he’s ever felt. It’s fucked up; he knows it is, but he’s thankful for it. Besides, even if it wasn’t then, he knows the Force would’ve had them meet eventually. He can feel it in every fiber of his being, that he was meant to meet this woman. Ever since he was a little boy and saw her in his dreams; the woman in the flowing cloth and goggles. They were destined to meet.

“... the murder of Han Solo.”

The last one makes him break into a cold sweat when he hears audible gasps around the room. Some of them are probably just now putting it together that he killed his own father. He does everything in his power to keep his emotions inside and off his face, knowing Rey and his mother will be looking for them as well as the rest of the council. He wonders briefly just how shocked the council would be if he told them the real reason why he killed his father. Or just how much he wishes he could rewind time. They probably wouldn’t believe him. Everyone in the room besides his mother and Rey want him dead. Even if they did believed him, it wouldn’t change their minds. Like Ackbar said, the hearing is just customary; it’s all for show. The council already has their verdict.

He can’t help but glance up at the room full of people. They’re all glaring at him in absolute disgust and hatred. He understands their anger. He killed one of the greatest heroes of the Rebellion, one of their friends, and a person they all looked up to. He hates himself for it too. Probably more than any of them.

Holdo addresses the room. “Does the council dispute any of these claims?”

Of course no one answers. It’s common knowledge that he committed them all. Practically the whole galaxy knows it.

“Alright. Then we shall proceed.” Holdo addresses Ben again. “No one from the council disputes the charges. The accused is now given an allotted amount of time to appeal any or all charges they choose. If you have any evidence, now would be the time to bring it forth to the council. It could help in your favor. The accused has 30 minutes.” Amilyn waves to Ben before sitting back down in her chair.

Ben looks down at his wrists, still bound together for a minute. His mind flitters back to Rey and his mother. They’ll be furious with him, especially Rey. But he thinks he can live with that. For all, he won’t have to live with her hate for very long. He closes his eyes, braving himself to address the council.

_I’m so sorry, Rey. Forgive me._

He closes eyes his and takes a deep breath, summoning all of the dignity that he can considering he's strapped to a chair in a room full of people who hate him. Looking up, he stares down the council, particularly his aunt. “No,” he states frankly.

Amilyn’s eyebrow quirks in confusion. “No? What does ‘no’ mean?”

“It means no.” Ben turns and looks at each member of the council in the eye, making sure they understand him perfectly. “I will not be defending myself.”

Holdo stares at him like he’s an idiot while trying to retain composure. She stands back up. A murmur has broken out around the room. “You do realize what you’re doing, yes? You’re giving up the chance of easing your sentence and leaving it completely up to the council with only the information we have now. Even as a member of this council, I have to state that that is inadvisable.”

All Ben does is raise an eyebrow in defiance, not able to completely let go of all his stubbornness. Or insolence. “Well, _Councilor_ … I don’t care," he says, enunciating each word. He tries his best to not smirk at the shock on her face at his response.

He can tell his aunt is offended at the sheer gall and thinking he’s out of his kriffing head. She’s never taken well to back talk, especially from hot headed stubborn men. The Vice Admiral was never too fond of his father either. He always knew just how to push her buttons in addition to being too impulsive and trigger happy for her taste. Yet another trait Ben inherited from his father.

The rest of the council sits there dumbfounded, not exactly knowing how to proceed. There’s never been an occurrence where the accused hasn’t spoken on their behalf. No one in their right mind would give up the chance to defend themself.

And yet he has. 

Then again, he’s not in his right mind.

He hasn’t been for a long time.

Ben looks around the room at the shocked faces staring back at him. No one expected him to do this. He can just picture Rey’s and Leia’s faces; his mother holding back her emotions to keep it professional while Rey is barely keeping it reeled in, slowly ready to break. He knows that the minute he returns to his cell he’s going to get bombarded by some particular women in his life. And they won’t be very happy with him.

Especially Rey. 

Holdo’s patience is wearing thin at his stubbornness. He knows she’s trying to help in her own way while trying to remain unbiased. Ben can’t imagine the rest of the council knows too much of their connection or else she would’ve been declined a seat during this hearing just like his mother. Probably a reason why Ackbar isn’t participating either. He’s known the Mon Calamari since he was a boy. Whereas he spent quite a lot of time with Ackbar, he only rarely saw his aunt. She was too busy traveling the galaxy and focusing on politics. 

“The council will give you one last chance to plead your case. Accept it now or forever hold your peace.”

He scoffs in his head. _Peace_. He hasn’t known peace since… well he’s never known true peace.

Ben just remains silent, cockily staring down his old honorary aunt. Her piercing purple eyes seeming as if they’re trying to see right into his mind and figure out what his game is. Or trying to kill him. Maybe both.

All he knows is he wants out of this chair and out of this room. He’s tired of the angry gazes looking at him as if he’s a microscopic specimen. A virus that will kill every creature in the galaxy if not destroyed.

Holdo blinks a few times, trying hard to keep her composure and not go full on stern aunt on him. “Very well then. This hearing will break for a brief recess while the council decides their verdict.”

Everyone from the council gets up and files out of the room led by Holdo, the rest of the room beginning to fill with the murmurs of different conversations. Ben’s lucky all the voices blend together or else he’d hear all the hisses and gossip about him. While everyone else talks he’s stuck being strapped to the chair, unable to move.

Unable to think of anything but his ultimate demise.

\---

15 minutes later

\---

The council shuffles back in the room, the lot of them keeping stone cold faces as to not give away the outcome by their expressions. Holdo remains standing, addressing the room.

“After some very… _passionate_ … deliberation, the council has reached an unanimous verdict.” She turns to stare almost solemnly at Ben. “Ben Solo, you have been declared guilty of all charges and are hereby sentenced to death by decapitation.”

The blood instantly drains from his face, leaving beads of sweat forming at his hairline. He knew it was coming and yet his ears still seem to go deaf to the world around him. He vaguely hears some gasps, murmurs, and he thinks he even heard a few soft cheers. The thought of his fleetly mortality was something he’s had for even longer than being at the Resistance; there’s been many times where he thought was was dying and was somehow saved, but actually coming face to face with his death shakes him to the core.

“Your execution is set tomorrow at dawn. You will be lead from your cell and taken to the quad where you will be publicly executed for your crimes against the galaxy.”

Holdo looks deep into his eyes as if to fully express her sentiment without anyone thinking otherwise. “May the Force have mercy on your soul.” She returns to addressing the room. “Hearing adjourned. Guards, return the prisoner to his cell.”

People begin shuffling around the room, getting their things to leave, and all he can do is sit there, still bound to the chair in a haze. He barely feels the guards come over and untie him from the chair and haul him to his feet. They lead him out of the room, and as he’s leaving he swears that he sees Rey out of his peripheral. Ben turns to make sure, but he’s pulled from the room before he gets the chance. The huge doors shut behind him with a loud clang, ringing throughout the hallway. He's in a daze as the guards start to lead him back through the hallways to his cell. It’s now that he realizes he’s still soaked to the bone, his shoes squeaking with every step he takes.

His body is as cold as his emotions at this moment. He can’t think of anything else but the thought of his head being cleaved off in front of the whole Resistance. In front of Rey. It being sliced clean from his neck, rolling in the dirt as they all cheer. He’d give anything for Rey to not attend.

 _Kriff, these people are fucked up. So much for not being like the First Order._  

_Then again, I would give the same sentence to me._

They reach the cells and he’s thrown into his, crashing hard onto the floor. He tries to brace himself, but the cuffs make it hard. Ben’s knees hit the ground with a thud. They instantly bruise; he can feel it. The door slams behind him, once again sending him into darkness.

Turning over to sit against his cot, Ben gently prods at his now tender kneecaps, wincing at the touch. He vaguely wonders when Leia or Rey will come barging in to yell at him. Probably any minute now if he knows them. That is if his mother is willing to push past her pride and admit that she still loves him, even after all he’s done. Even after killing his father and the love of her life. He knows without a doubt Rey will show up. He broke his promise, and now he has to endure her anger, as well as her heartbreak.

Right now though, all he can do is wait.

Wait and think about his imminent death in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so bad at sitting down and writing lately but I finally did it! Another chapter down!
> 
> This chapter is from Ben's POV and originally I was gunna add Leia's and Rey's but it got too crowded in my brain trying to figure out how to write it all and not take forever, so I decided to split them into two chapters. So the next chapter will be the same thing but from Leia's and Rey's POVs.
> 
> Like always, leave kudos and comments if you liked it. I always like seeing your thoughts!
> 
> kylosroboarm on tumblr

**Author's Note:**

> kylosroboarm on Tumblr


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